Advice for a Dad-To-Be?

chrysrobyn asks: "Huzzah! After a few years of trying, my wife is pregnant (due 5 November). I've read about fellow Slashdot readers who are some new and experienced parents. I've certainly read about lots of people getting engaged and married. I'd like to ask for advice on the matter from people in my demographic. What do you wish you had known before child #1 was born? I'm not asking 'how does a geek raise a child?' or 'how do I overclock the activity sets?', but I don't personally know many two income families who are in this position. We sometimes work long hours, and that will either come to an end or we'll put in lots of effort to work around that. What do I do? What do I expect? Are there any products to stay away from? I'm going to be a dad!" Congratulations, on your new family member, chrysrobyn!

Comments

Baby emotions

[GCP]

I was quite surprised by the sophistication of my child's emotions. (My child is probably typical in this respect.)

When he was about 6 months old, he was trying to do something. His attempts were pretty silly, because of his inexperience with the world, and I laughed at him. Not a big laugh, just a chuckle.

When I did, he suddenly got a look on his face that was absolutely clear. He was obviously very offended. Then it quickly changed to embarrassment and he stopped trying to do what he had been working on and refused to try again.

I was really shocked. I had no idea that a 6-month-old baby could understand that he was being laughed at (not with), nor that he was capable of having his pride hurt.

I assumed babies were simpler, with very simple emotional responses to physical needs and wants. I never imagined that I could hurt a baby's pride.

I guarantee it never happened again. Since then, I've been very careful to treat him with a lot more respect.

I should also say that he resembles me a lot and I can pick up his emotions easily because I recognize my own reactions. I never realized how difficult it is to be a baby or small child. They have LOTS of fears and frustrations. The worst for him appears to be a frustration at the lack of control he has over his own life. If I want something, I can just take it, and he knows that. If he wants something, he has to ask, and more often than not the answer is a "No" for which he has little appeal. (It's often something dangerous that I can't compromise on.) That lack of control is very stressful to him, which is something I hadn't anticipated.

Take their emotions seriously. Imagine yourself in their position and have some empathy for how tough it would be. It seems to be approximately as tough for them as it would be for you in the same situation, which would be pretty tough if you think about it, so try not to automatically say "no" just for your own convenience. Think about how you would like to be treated if you were trapped in their situation, and treat them accordingly.

Re:Three pieces of advice...

[belroth]

My son is three and a half and we've been to McDonalds once, for me when my blood sugar was low. We made a decision to give our son real food - he still likes chocolate but he also likes (not tolerates, likes) green vegetables, fruit etc.
We stopped eating 'ready meals' and almost all our food is now home prepared - if you give your child what you eat you don't have to prepare 'kiddy meals'. When we eat out he either has some of ours or we order a proper starter for him (usually both). Only in France have we ever bothered with meals aimed at children because in that restaurant it was a small adult portion. He still likes (and gets) chocolate and crisps but most of his diet is real food.

I agree about the TV except - teletubbies (I hate it, he loved it but has now grown out of it) and Bear In The Big Blue House. If you can get them Thomas The Tank Engine and Bob The Builder are good - Bob The Builder is an excellent role model for small kids.
When your child is newborn to about 1 year remember to watch TV with teletext subtitles (closed caption?) to keep you sane with the crying.

My final tip - spent time with your child s/he will soon grow and you shouldn't miss any more than you can help. Cut out the late nights - fulfill your work obligations but be at home as much as you can. You should have a better relationship with both your wife and child. They may change as they get older but children would rather have your time than the toys you work overtime to buy.

Oh and a final tip - listen with your eyes when your child talks, don't watch TV or read when being told something which is important to her/him.