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Chimps Belong in Human Genus?
Bradley Chapman writes "I found this interesting story from Discovery News about our ties with chimpanzees. Excerpts: 'Chimpanzees share 99.4 percent of functionally important DNA with humans and belong in our genus, Homo, according to a recent genetic study.
Scientists analyzed 97 human genes, along with comparable sequences from chimps, gorillas, orangutans and Old World monkeys (a group that includes baboons and macaques). The researchers then took the DNA data and estimated genetic evolution over time. They determined that humans and chimps shared a common ancestor between 4 and 7 million years ago. That ancestor diverged from gorillas 6 to 7 million years ago.'" Genus is the next step up from species, if you recall your taxonomy. Humans are the only living species in genus homo, currently.
Wolves are genetically identical to Dogs. You can't tell the difference (Hence the bizzarre laws used against wolf/dog hybrids). But I don't see anyone pushing to call a wolf a dog, do you?
This is just plain stupid. And so are the people who are backing it.
A new insult: "You're the other kind of homo."
(sorry, couldn't resist)
Developers: We can use your help.
*throws feces*
The repulicans will like this... Another 50 million that pay taxes... Oh, "taxonomy" is something else... sorry!
But that on the condition that i can downgrade some humans to monkey.
All Troll + "offtopic" mods are meta moderated as "Unfair", because you abused the system.
I think Senator Santorum needs to open an investigation into whether public tax money is being spent researching Homo chimps.
I've often wondered if some of the people I see driving on the freeway belong in the Human Genus, based purely on their lack of motor ability. If those people can make into that classification then surely our furry, feces-throwing relatives can make it. (I'm talking about the chimps, here.)
All over North America, greasy rednecks with pimpish moustaches and long mullets are saying "What 're them scientist-types saying? They're calling me "homo"? I'm gonna kick all their asses."
Trolling is a art,
Goodman added, "In terms of culture, social behavior, language and other factors, we share many things in common with chimpanzees."
There was a guy at a nursing home I worked at that would throw poop at the staff.
First they discover that fish can feel pain - and now this! Damn science! What am I supposed to eat?
to see if they can make babies?
are you signing up for the experiment?
"Question with boldness even the existence of a god." - Thomas Jefferson
Humans are the only living species in genus homo, currently.
If we are the only species, that would make us "homo genus".
People who disagree with you are not automatically evil, greedy, or stupid.
So we're all a bunch of homos?
Chr0m0Dr0m!C
This is just the White House doing damage control.
Why not put them in the same Genus as us? They've had just as much time to evolve.
Clearly, we made better use of that time than they did. They slacked off instead of evolving, so they don't get to be in the same rank.
I don't get this desire to uplift losers with false titles designed to boost the self esteem of those who fell behind.
Of course now with Hollywood and TV causing humans to devolve, the Chimps will have a chance to catch up.
"Live Free or Die." Don't like it? Then keep out of the USA
The /. troll HOWTO :)
/.ers. This section is dedicated to explaining how to use these in the course of your trolls. Remember though, a great troll can break any or all of these and still be successful...
/. typically repeats stories with small variations and runs lots of similar stories.
:)
/.ers are more likely to read your troll if it starts a large thread. You also want to remember that some people have set their comment thresholds to values higher than 0 - to get the attention of these you either want to get your post moderated up (see Style, below) or get a reply which gets moderated up to 4 or 5, in which case your troll becomes visible to all.
:)
/. and watch the karma roll in. And of course once you get the +1 bonus, the world is your oyster in terms of /. Posts made at a default of 2 hit even those people with the threshold of 2, are more likely to get moderated up even further if they are at all coherent, and people tend to lose their critical thinking abilities in the face of the +1 bonus. Milk it for all it's worth.
/. hero, like Linus Torveldes or Richard Strawlman (thanks dmg). Related to this is the use of the wrong word, explaining an acronym as being something it isn't or making a word into an acronym even when it isn't.
This is version 0.6 of a troll HOWTO, sort of a companion piece to jsm's excellent troll FAQ. As a draft, comments and criticism are always welcome, if not appreciated
Section 1 - Trolling techniques
There are techniques used by successful trolls to elicit the maximum amount of responses from unthinking
Timing
Because you're posting as an AC, your troll will generally be ignored in favour of posters using their accounts, and so getting in early is essential. A good guideline is to get into the first 20 posts, so that people reading the article will see the troll before it is swamped out. One way of increasing the speed with which you get your troll into play is to prepare them beforehand, and then quickly customise them for the current article. This is easier than it sounds since
Note that this is why Jon Katz stories are pretty worthless as trolling material - by the time you've found the article and prepared a troll there's already 50+ posts on it, most of them flaming Jon Katz anyway
Exposure
Once you've got your troll in, you need people to actually read it. You also want replies -
Accounts
An alternative to the time-honoured tradition of AC trolling is that of creating a "troll" account. This gives you the advantage of posting at 1 rather than 0, and slashbots are more likely to take you seriously, especially if you at least sound reasonable. If you do this, try to avoid posting stuff where it is obvious you're a troll under the account - post it anoymously instead - some slightly more canny readers actually check your user info before they reply. Not many though
The ultimate goal of the troll account is to secure the +1 bonus, which is currently received once you hit 26 points of Karma. To get there, employ the techniques of karma whoring that we see every day on
Layout
To get people reading it a troll needs to be easily readable. Make sure you break it down into easily digestible paragraphs, use HTML tags where appropriate (but always make sure you close them properly) and use whitespace appropriately.
Size
Generally a troll shouldn't be too short, otherwise it'll get lost in the crowd. A workable minimum is a couple of medium paragraphs. Conversely, it shouldn't be too long, or no-one will bother to read it. Keep it to a happy medium.
Spelling
Whilst spelling is important if you want the troll to be taken "seriously", key spelling mistakes can draw out the spelling zealots, especially if you mis-spell the name of a venerated
Subject
The subject line needs to draw attention to your post without maki
Did you just call my chimp gay? Cause that really pisses him off.
Now the shits gunna fly!
sin(6cos(r)+5A)
Does anybody else find this repetitive and redundant?
It should have been edited to "Humans are the only living extant species in the genus Homo, currently at this time."
"Obviously, I'm not an IBM computer any more than I'm an ashtray" (Bob Dylan)
This is especially true where I work, People here havent even evolved TOO chimps
5 million years apart and we still fling our poo at eachother...
I think i see how we're 99.4% alike...
Nonsense, the human brain is at the pinical of evolution. Not only that, it has transcended evolution - we can now alter evolution and use it as a computer algorithm.
It's about time the human race realised it is in _charge_ of its own destiny, and while nature is a powerful force, the concious mind is the greatest known thing on the planet. It should be developed and nurtured.
this topic is just going to provide more evidence that moderators on slashdot need a -5 Creationist selection.
I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.
Joey: If the Homosapiens were, in fact, "Homo-sapien", is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homosapiens are people.
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging.
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OTOH, Bubbles feels violated.
oh brave new world, that has such people in it!
oooo oooeee eeeeoooo oooo
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one " -Albert Einstein
And in other news, the Chimpanzee World Spokesman, uu uu waaa uuu u, says they want no part of any "tree" that has humans in it, thank you very much, and, besides, it's against THEIR religion to believe that humans evolved from Chimps. Especially the ones with fake hair.
REAL:..........MNEMONIC:
Phylum.........Please
Class...........Come
Order..........Over
Family..........For
Genus..........Gay
Species........Sex
Thanks to Robert Smigel (his cartoons) and Saturday Night Live!
From the article: "Imagine taking the hand of your grandmother, who was holding the hand of her grandmother and so on down the line. 155 miles out, one of the women would be holding the hand of a chimpanzee."
If you'd met my family you'd know that a line round the block would pretty much get you there.
We share 50% of our DNA with lettuce - that's how common much of our genetic code is on the planet.
Last time I checked, nobody was comparing the salad aisle of the supermarket for long-lost relatives.
"Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue." - David Brent, Wernham Hogg
Karma Points Come Only For Geeky Slashdotters
(Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species)
Does this mean I can eat a chimp and indulge in 99.4% cannibalism?
Having seen the lack of selectiveness in sexual matters exhibited by Bonobo chimps, calling them 'Homos' would seem to work on several levels.
Cheers, Paul
(Disclaimer: This isn't a phrase I like or normally use, just required for the purposes of this joke, until I had to qualify it, when the joke kind of died...)
Scientists then discovered that Apes have a 100% DNA match with Vin Diesel.
Vonal Declosion
that'll be fun. "you seem to be 96% human. you get 96% of a vote in the next elections."
Please no...how would the Florida elections turn out with that in the mix?
Or from the electronics geeks, for resistor values: Bad Boys Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Gives Willingly. (Black 0, Brown 1, Red 2, Orange 3, Yellow 4, Green 5, Blue 6, Violet 7, Grey 8, White 9).
Boy did my HS Physics teacher get some weird looks for that mnemonic.
Get off my lawn.
And a bunch of monkeys with typewriters made this website to boot! You just can't ask them to write Shakespeare.
That's Bigboo TAY! TAY!
No human is just another monkey. Not even you.
no human?
Chimps have had 4-7 million years since we split from a common ancestor (according to the article) and they're still swinging in trees.
You're right, the chimps are definitely the smarter ones here.
I like my women like my coffee... pale and bitter.
Come on, be more generous. If we don't include even them in the human genome, what chance does Bush stand???
Daniel
Carpe Diem
They only eat fruits and nuts
And after all, you are what you eat.
has a female Chimp ever been fertilized with Human sperm? ... not me dude, I swear she didn't look like that last night.
uh
"Yeah.. When monkeys fly out of my butt!"
The question is, if the creator of humans used 99.4% of the code lifted straight from the apes... is it a large enough difference so it would not be considered violation of Intellectual Property rights?
Does SCO own the rights, and is it just a plan to lure IBM into buying humanity for a huge profit for the current SCO owners?
Or is this a Microsoft plot to buy the rights to the humans, copyright the genome and send pirate hunters to track license violators.
- Will they insert a product activation code into all new humans created, where the child stops functioning if not registered.
- Will they include new bugs and get the new humans bloated (wait...)
- Will we be equipped with a Start button? (:
- Will the newborns cry "bling BLING bling BLINGGG" instead of "WAAAAH!" with their first breath?
- Will the new children make secret phonecalls to Microsoft telling on their parents?
- How will copy protection work? Chastity belts?
And will the open source movement provide an alternative with fresh code not depending on any components of the human genome?
You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! God damn you all to hell!!
Never fight naked, unless you're in prison...
I have an uncle who stroked out. He's a vegetable!
The REAL jabber has the user id: 13196
What you do today will cost you a day of your life
I'm sick of all these wrong evolution theories so I'm gonna tell what really happened.
Let's set up the scene with some background information (it'll be short, I promise).
So there was Adam and Eve and they chilled in Heaven just minding their own business. (We're skipping the whole "On the first day" story because you already know about that.) So the Lord told Adam, "Don't eat the fruit of this tree or you'll croak. And tell your wife."
So Adam goes and tells his wife, "See that tree over there? Don't eat its fruit. In fact, don't even go near the damn thing; Pappy said if you touch it, you'll croak."
So Eve is chillin' when this serpant comes around and says, "Pssst... See that tree over there? Eat its fruit! It's good!"
So Eve says, "But if I even touch that tree, I'll croak!"
So the serpant says, "Nuh uh! See, I'll touch it... Nothing happens!"
Seeing this, Eve gathers a little bit of courage, goes up and touches the tree... Nothing happened. So she grabs a big juicy naranja off the tree, peels it and takes a taste. Mmmmm! Then Adam comes over and sees what's going on... "What the fsck, Eve, I thought I told you not to touch that tree!"
And Eve says, "But you see, I did touch it and nothing happened!"
So Adam takes a taste. Then, the Lord's voice comes booming over the public address system, "I told you kids not to eat that damn fruit!!!" Adam and Eve grab a leaf or something to cover up their privates, see, because they suddenly realized they were naked, and the Lord drove them out of heaven in his red '64 Chevy II.
So here they are, on Earth now, and they have a couple of kids... One of 'em kills the other and is subsequently punished by being forced to forever roam the Earth with a Windows logo tatooed on his forehead.
Now just so you understand, the Lord created a bunch of animals, like fish and tigers and whatever, and then He created people. The people he created were special... Much more intelligent than animals by a far measure. Much more intelligent than any person alive today. They were "superhumans." Now this hermano with the Windows logo on his forehead walks around and screws every chimp and gorilla and baboon in sight. (Yeah, I know, that's gross.) His superhuman genes mixed with their animal genes and created some "middle-of-the-road" creature.
That's the human being of today... It's why many of our genes are similar to those of the animals. I know all of this for a fact and I have undeniable proof: On separate occasions, two different people, who do not know each other, both told me they heard this somewhere.
Hmm, I think I've met a few of the humans in the 99.9% range...