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The Internet and The War
John Jorsett writes "Wired Magazine has an interesting article on the realities of the use of communication and navigation technology in the Iraq war. Particularly intriguing is the use of chat rooms to engage experts thousands of miles away in helping to solve problems at the troop level in the field. And if you think your admin job is tough, try running your servers in 125 degree heat in a sandstorm."
A/S/L - 19 iraqi single male, looking for sniper...
We cook our lunches on the servers. We left a 2U gap so we could also have grills.
A1 sauce and your tank's exhaust. pls send wingz the commander replies.
From text of article:
"If a general has a problem with his Web browser, then I fix it," Cluff says.
"How do you fix it?" I ask.
"I consult Microsoft online help," he replies.
They also need an MP3 player to torture those poor captured representatives of the former Iraqi regime with heavy metal and children's songs. Very demanding admin work too. Military admin needs to know how to operate Winamp player! No use for M16 as a human rights and democracy tool? Might look a bit nasty on the telly?
And then you might need some kind of a Geiger counter or something to find those non-existent WMD's this war was supposedly about.
And do not forget to buy a pair of robot brains for your smart president.
This is the high tech reality of American Warfare today!
Mr. American President says "Boot my operating system!"
Na with the automation of weapons and IRC communication it just means the recruiting adds will change their requirements to something like
Ability to work alone (usually forced)
Extensive experience in underground bunkers (parents basement is acceptable)
Ability to type 80 wpm
Extensive experience with RTS and FPS games
Childish desire to hit back at society for rejecting your inept social skills by attempting to achieve global domination
Do not try to read the dupe, thats impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth
What truth?
There is no dupe
MENTION THE WAR...
[John Cleese, Faulty Towers]
Private : Colonel! It says, "MSN Messenger down for maintenance. Please try again in 15 minutes"
:Sir! XP just had to install an update. I need to reboot! ...Sir? Sir???
Colonel : Shit, boy! We're gonna get gassed 'cause Billy didn't change the oil up in Redmond! Sheeeit.
Private : Do you want me to bring out the pigeons?
Colonel [lights cigarette]:Fuck it. Send an e-mail to command that says, "possible chemical attack underway. pls advise."
Private
[Colonel breaks M-16 over leg]
Thankfully, a giant penguin dropped down from the sky with reliable software, just before it was too late.
Reminds me of the scene from the South Park movie, where the holographic war map crashes, and the General summons Bill Gates. Here an MP3 of their conversation.
What time is it/will be over there? Check with my iPhone app!
It looks like you're communicating news of a WMD emergency. Would you like help?
__ Get help with emergency
__ Continue with emergency without help
__ Howl in agony and clutch at face as it melts grotesquely into the desert sand
On the ground? Well duh! How many times do we have to hear, "I ain't gettin' on no plane with that crazy fool!"
*** soldier (jimbo@army.iq) has joined channel #help ... ...
*** techie (whizkid@pentagon.mil) has joined channel #help
<soldier> hey, anybody know how to get sand out of a gatling gun?
<techie> Sure thing. let me look it up for you. brb
<soldier> thanks
*** katie (luvkitties@ipt.aol.com) has joined channel #help
<katie> hay all!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<soldier>
<katie> hi solder ASL??
<techie> Approximately when did you get the sand in the gatling gun?
<katie> huh??
<soldier> about 15 minutes ago.
<techie> okay, brb
<katie> techie what r u talking about!!
*** jenny (nsync_rulz@msn.com) has joined channel #help
<katie> hi jenny how r u ltns!!!!!!! lol
<jenny> K8E!!!! kisskiss
<soldier>
<techie> How much sand would you say is inside the gatling gun?
<jenny> wtf lol
<soldier> well, there's quite a bit. it's draining out like an hourglass.
<jenny> hour glass??
<katie> jenny geuss what, taylor told lisa today that he want's me 2 invite him 2 the dance on saturday
<jenny> omfg LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
<jenny> wat did u say? did u say anything 2 him?
<techie> The sand is draining out of the Gatling gun like an hourglass?
<soldier> pretty much, yes.
<katie> heehehe!! well i went up 2 him and said hi and then he bought me a bottle of mt dew code red!! LOL
<techie> I see. have you tried shaking it vigorously?
<katie> techie wtf would i shake it vigorusly, it would fizz over and explode
*** techie rolls eyes
<techie> soldier: Have you tried shaking the gatling gun vigorously?
<soldier> no. brb
*** taylor (linkinparkfan@earthlink.net) has joined channel #help
<jenny> OMFG
<katie> OMFG
<soldier> OMFG
<soldier> the damn thing just went off and took out the cook and the chaplain
<katie> hi taylor, how r u????
<techie> I see. Recommend you replace gatling gun immediately.
<taylor> hi katie
<soldier> roger
*** soldier has left channel #help
<taylor> jenny, how r u? r u busy saturday night?
<katie> f u jenny
*** katie has left channel #help
We're going down, in a spiral to the ground
Huh huh... you said "ballcock".
Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
So to say, "be careful that is not secure," to the US Military is like saying, "be careful, that stove is hot," to a five star chef.
Hehe. This reminds me of a good story.
A few years ago, I gave a presentation on security technology to the Israeli Ministry of Defense. My presentation went well, but the guy who went before me was a security consultant used to dealing with corporate environments, with absolutely no concept of military realities.
The room full of Israeli brass listened politely to his presentation, even though it was clearly a waste of their time, up until the time he was discussing the importance of documenting your security policies and asked them, in complete seriousness, if the Israeli military commands had any documented security policies. I have to say that they took it very well: rather than forcibly ejecting the idiot from the room, they just laughed uproariously and proceeded to tune out the rest of his talk.
I have more than a passing familiarity with US DOD security policies, which are measured by the metric ton, and I cannot even begin to imagine what Israel, a country that has been, essentially, at war for every minute of its entire existence, must have. Needless to say, when he asked that question, I was torn. Half of me wanted desperately to crawl into a hole and die, and the other half wanted to stand up and yell "He's not from my company! I think he works for Microsoft!"
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