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Office-Hour Habits of the North American Professor
An anonymous reader writes "For those of you who wonder just exactly what it is that your advisor is up to when you try to find him and meet with him, The Chronicle of Higher Education has a study on the
Office-Hour Habits of the North American Professor."
The Active Techophile. This variety of faculty member, usually an Assistant Professor early in their career, tends to enjoy the pleasures of technology during her or his office hours: browsing the net, casually searching for the latest online manuscripts, and, most critically, engaging his or her fellow Assistant Professors in hardcore LAN gaming. Students tend to like the Active Technophile, as he they sympathize with her or his interests, but they seldom interact except for periodic fragging.
I loved office hours. It was when I knew I had uninterrupted time for pleasure reading. The only time the students would show up was around midterms and during the last two weeks of classes. For the most part, it was a nice block of uninterrupted time.
the brown noser - doesn't really need any help with anything but are compelled to make sure the professor knows exactly who they are and how smart they are. in class they're usually the ones in the front row answering all the questions.
the hoplessly confused - shouldn't have ever taken the class, but is determined to not drop it. is the bane of just about every other type who has a grasp on the subject who needs just a little clarification on something.
the testers - the only time they show up is right before a major test, on breed doesn't even come to class except to turn in homework. his friends even forget that he's in the class with them sometimes.
the reluctant - it doesn't matter when the office hours are, the reluctant usually try to avoid having to ask for help at all costs. a mixture of ego, high self expectation, stubbornness, and pride drive the reluctant to overachive. if the professor ever starts the answer with "oh that's easy", the student will never be seen in his office again. (note: this would be me)
I never said I was smart, I just said I was smarter than you
I realize there are good reasons for getting upset with the tenure system, but I think it's important we keep in mind the reason why tenure exists: academic freedom. Tenure is not supposed to protect an instructor who is incompetent, unethical, or burnt out. And there is nothing in a tenured professor's contract that would imply otherwise. Nonetheless, it does sometimes does wind up doing that, because professors who abuse the system will wave the tenure contract around and threaten lawsuits, and most departments would rather keep things quiet than actually fight these people. Frankly I think that's a failure of will on the part of such departments. But tenure contracts are essential in any occupation where academic freedom is an issue. Otherwise it is too easy to imagine instructors fired for dissenting views or research. This isn't always about politics either -- imagine for example an agriculture professor whose research is critical of factory farming. Imagine that professor teaches at a university in Iowa whose board of regents comprises factory farming interests. I think the academic freedom implications of the First Amendment demand something like tenure in the public university system (and I think all serious universities should have some legal assurance like that).
But I do not think tenure should be used as an excuse not to deal with professors who have stopped doing their jobs, who are simply incompetent, who constantly prey on sexy coeds, etc. Universities have a post-tenure review process to keep track of what professors do after tenure, but these reviews tend to cover up some of the worst problems rather than rooting them out. It's not a failure of tenure but of the people charged with implementing it; tenured and non-tenured faculty alike should demand better, IMHO.
I propose another "subspecies":
The Be-All: This individual pretends that s/he can satisfy all needs of all comers, be they students, other faculty, or administrators. Almost no request for help or information is turned away, regardless of how busy they may be. They are involved in all manner of teaching activities, advising, research projects, and innovative technology initiatives. They live in terror of being faulted for any shortcoming.
These individuals are typically on the tenure-track and eager to please. Consequently, they are well-liked by students, skeptically admired by colleagues, and occasionally praised by administrators. They secretly sneer (though with jealousy) at other more established faculty who actually know how to set limits, manage their time, and handle all the constantly shifting pressures inherent in the job.
Sometimes, though, Be-Alls fall victim to their optimism. Too many early mornings, missed lunches, and late nights take their toll. A few gain wisdom in time and become more focused on that which is needed to obtain tenure. Some, however, become physically, psychologically, and emotionally exhausted and migrate to a normal life.
"Tenure decisions are made at the time of hiring." Or so it has been said.
Anything is better than the fsck'ing psycho next door to my office. This idiot lives in there (no shit), and his department chair knows it. (No he's not a grad student, he's a tenured Math prof). No one from his department wants to do anything about it, though my advisor and I have reported it several times.
He bathes (reportedly) late at night in the bathroom, and is constantly seen at all hours of the day and night cutting veggies in the sink, making food in the department, etc. The moron thinks he's being clever and no one knows.
$5 says you'll be reading about him in the papers some day. Thank God I'm leaving this summer. Dr. Spooky is just too much for me anymore.
Between the Door Closer and the Counselor, he neglected to mention the quantum physics prof who believes that his door is simultaneously open and closed.
You missed a dreaded one:
The potential career-ending mistake -- the bouncy young co-ed who comes by, closes the door, and suggests, "I'll do anything for an A, *anything*."
(Yes, it happened to me, and no, my career is intact.)
Put my fist through my alarm clock with its ding-dong death inside my ear. - The Blackjacks.
When I was in physics college back in the 80's my professor wrote a computer program in which he plugged in all of his students class hours, and with a few seconds the program would generate his office hours precisely when his students would be least likely to be able to attend without missing their other classes. I actually saw him plug this data in his computer and laugh. Planet P Blog
www.enthea.org
You: Anything?
Her: ANYthing!
You (in a whisper, close to her ear)
(Pause. Look nervously around for observers.)
Think! It ain't illegal yet!
-George Clinton
Think! It ain't illegal yet!
George Clinton
You: Anything? : Would you...
...paint my house?
Her: ANYthing!
You (in a whisper, close to her ear)
(Pause. Look nervously around for observers.)
DT
Is this thing on? Hello?
Here's some advice to bright-eyed undergrads hoping to glean knowledge from the professorial elite: Do not be surprised if they just don't care.
My graduate advisor is one of these shooting-star big shots on his way up. He's been tenured for a while, and now holds several high-powered positions of responsibility under his belt, federal grant review committees, editorships, directorship of a research center, yadda yadda. He does not give a flying fuck about office hours or undergrads. Really.
He understands one thing: Science. If you ain't talkin the talk, you're wasting his time. He doesn't want to hear about your trifles and personal dilemmas. He doesn't want to hear your frustration with course conflicts and
hand-wringing about your grades. Unless you are a *brilliant* undergrad who has thought about research, preferably his research, and you have new ideas and are there to make your impressive intellect available at his disposal...you're meaningless.
Alas, I'm exaggerating for dramatic effect only a little bit. Yeah, he's cognizant of his duty to teaching. In an annoyed way. Yeah, he'll do his service to his undergraduate advisees--begrudgingly--but with the correct outward social demeanor. But, damn. He's BUSY. And not with you.
I mean shit..his postdocs and grad students barely get a moment of face time...which MAY, in his less sociopathic moments, give him a twinge of guilt...but how hapless are you if you think neglecting the UNDERGRADS gives him pause.
And so much for those of you who think tenure leads to lazy sitting on laurels. This guy is seriously busy. Just not with mentoring YOU. Orchestrating large-scale research endeavors? Yes. Marshalling serious funding dollars? Yes. Preaching the theoretic gospel to better-positioned colleagues? Yes. Shmoozing deans and politicians? Yes. YOU? No.
Not every prof is like this. Even some of the most elite are still very fond of the unwashed undergraduate masses. But when I think back, as an undergrad, to how important I thought my academic issues were to my professors, and how entitled I felt to their time, and how high priority undergraduate mentoring must be to research faculty. Wow. I was silly. Professors, in my experience, do not think in terms of the "merchant/client" model like most kids who throw out the "hey, I'm PAYING for this" argument do. Professors see their money coming from granting agencies, not your mom and dad.
OK, can ya tell I've got issues with this guy's style? He's brilliant, but what a dick.
Anyway...if you have a professor who's both a credit to his field and a credit to your education, give him your thanks. It's a rare combination.
(BTW, this guy's office hours are strictly "by appointment only," which, I've noticed, is a growing trend in scheduling office hours. You think he's got time to leave hours open for unannounced interruption?! No, no, no.)