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KaZaA Wants to Be An Official Content Distributor

scubacuda writes "Detroit News: Nikki Hemming, CEO of KaZaA, says KaZaA wants to be the official online distributor for the entertainment industry. 'Realize that this technology is inexorable, and come to the table,' says Hemming to our friends Hilary Rosen and Jack Valenti."

34 of 329 comments (clear)

  1. I can see it now... by MP3Chuck · · Score: 4, Funny

    Paid downlaods and pirated versions of the same song, side by side...

  2. Re:for a fee. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Let us thank our lucky stars for Kazaa Lite then...

  3. Official Distributor of Viruses by Octagon+Most · · Score: 5, Funny

    Kazaa is already an official distributor of viruses so sure, why not. I have become quite intimate with my Registry since installing Kazaa (and not in a good way). It's enough to make a guy go legit!

  4. Karn Evil 9 First Impression, ELP predict's KaZaa! by jerryasher · · Score: 2, Funny

    For some reason, reading this, Realize that this technology is inexorable, and come to the table,' says Hemming to our friends Hilary Rosen and Jack Valenti.", immediately made me think of ELP's, Brain Salad Surgery. If this isn't a 70's rock and roll prediction of KaZaa and the Net, I don't know what could be....


    . . .
    Step inside! Hello! We've the most amazing show
    You'll enjoy it all we know
    Step inside! Step Inside!

    We've got thrills and shocks, supersonic fighting cocks.
    Leave your hammers at the box
    Come Inside! Come Inside!
    Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
    See the show!

    Left behind the bars, rows of Bishops' heads in jars
    and a bomb inside a car
    Spectacular! Spectacular!

    If you follow me there's a speciality
    some tears for you to see
    Misery, misery,
    Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
    See the show!

    Next upon the bill in our House of Vaudeville
    We've a stripper in a till
    What a thrill! What a thrill!
    And not content with that, with our hands behind our backs,
    We pull Jesus from a hat,
    Get into that! Get into that!
    Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
    See the show!

    Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends
    We're so glad you could attend
    Come inside! Come inside!
    There behind a glass is a real blade of grass
    be careful as you pass.
    Move along! Move along!

    Come inside, the show's about to start
    guaranteed to blow your head apart
    Rest assured you'll get your money's worth
    The greatest show in Heaven, Hell or Earth.
    You've got to see the show, it's a dynamo.
    You've got to see the show, it's rock and roll ....

    Soon the Gypsy Queen in a glaze of Vaseline
    Will perform on guillotine
    What a scene! What a scene!
    Next upon the stand will you please extend a hand
    to Alexander's Ragtime Band
    Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
    See the show!

    Performing on a stool we've a sight to make you drool
    Seven virgins and a mule
    Keep it cool. Keep it cool.
    We would like it to be known the exhibits that were shown
    were exclusively our own,
    All our own. All our own.
    Come and see the show! Come and see the show! Come and see the show!
    See the show!

  5. The Ballad of Hilary and Jack by edashofy · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hilary: Hey, Jack, did you get that email from the Kazaa guys?
    Jack: Yeah, what about it?
    Hilary: Is that something we should consider doing?
    Jack: Did I miss Hell freezing over or something?
    Hilary: No, no, I'm just fucking with you :)
    Jack: Phew, I thought you were serious there for a minute. Don't do that!

  6. Please don't squeeze the Sharman Network by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Is it me, or does it seem like the last stage of a P2P before collapse is attempting to go legit?

  7. Kaaza is... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    'Realize that this technology is inexorable, and come to the table,' says Hemming to our friends .

    Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
    M$ buyout in 5...4...

  8. Re:Hell will become a vacation resort first by Niadh · · Score: 5, Funny

    You don't piss in the face of competitors, laugh at them for it, and then expect them to actually WORK with you.

    Unless you're Microsoft.

  9. Re:Kazaa cannot be trusted by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Sooner or later, the widespread distribution of near-perfect digital copies will destroy the market for commercial recordings, and make the production of the very product consumers seem so eager to pirate impossible.

    Sooner or later, the widespread distribution of near-perfect horseless carriages will destory the market for, not only the horseshoe producers, but the horse breeders, the carriage makers and all the various things which go into horse-based travel, and make the the production of the very product consumers seem so eager to change impossible.

    Travel however, will still be available.

    Nice troll, though, you managed to get modded up. :)

  10. Oh really? by Zuke8675309 · · Score: 5, Funny
    KaZaA wants to be the official online distributor for the entertainment industry.


    Aren't they that already?
  11. Re:Hell will become a vacation resort first by TopShelf · · Score: 4, Funny

    and besides, an interview is such a poor way of making the announcement. Far better to walk out onto your balcony, look down on your hordes of Uruk-Hai, and proclaim, "a New Power is Rising..."

    --
    Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
  12. Credibility??? by miketang16 · · Score: 3, Funny

    It's going to be pretty hard to gain credibility with ANY company, when every single search phrase comes up with something about child porn.

    --
    -------
    "In times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act."
    -- George Orwell
  13. Seems a bit reversed.... by puppet10 · · Score: 4, Funny

    KAZAA
    There is no escape. Don't make
    me destroy you. You do not yet
    realize your importance. You
    have only begun to discover your
    power. Join me and I will complete
    your training. With our combined
    strength, we can end this destructive
    conflict and bring order to the
    galaxy.

    RIAA/MPAA
    I'll never join you!

    --
    -------- This space intentionally left blank --------
  14. Hmm... by Loki_1929 · · Score: 4, Funny

    "KaZaA Wants to Be An Official Content Distributor"

    And I want to be an Astronaut.

    I think I like my chances better.

    --
    -- "Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else."
  15. Re:Hell will become a vacation resort first by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    or SCO ;-)

  16. Subject: KaZaA aS a LeGiT dIsTrObUtIoN cHaNnEl by Tokerat · · Score: 3, Funny


    Having their trademarked name in alternating caps doesn't speak volumes about piracy intent, now does it? ;-)

    ph33r.

    --
    CAn'T CompreHend SARcaSm?
  17. Re:Hell will become a vacation resort first by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    or Apple

  18. Uh, How Stupid Can You Be? by smack.addict · · Score: 2, Funny

    I have my issues with the RIAA and MPAA, but I would never suggest to anyone with any sanity whatsoever to become a partner with Kazaa.

  19. Re:Hell will become a vacation resort first by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    or Linus!

  20. I always thought the KaZaA people were whores... by frovingslosh · · Score: 2, Funny
    KaZaA Wants to Be An Official Content Distributor

    and people in hell want ice cream.

    --
    I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.
  21. Oh, they have a lot in common. by gad_zuki! · · Score: 5, Funny

    > Kazaa has basically made it's reputation spitting in the face of media companies.

    Perhaps, but they also share a complete disdain of anything that gets in the way of profits. I doubt kazaa would have any problems pushing the most draconian DRM app in their newest update. I can picture the hypothetical conversation right now...

    "Okay, so we agree. Kazaa gets .001% of the profits and if the user downloads anything but approved RIAA content we do a pop-up warning. After the second warning we wipe their drive. Deal?"

    "Umm, can't you do a little better?"

    "Okay before we wipe the drive we'll do 20 wipes on their My Documents folder and media files so they can't recover them."

    "I like, but its missing something..."

    "It'll post their SSN and any personal info we find during install to a newsgroup too."

    "And send a 'I quit letter' to their boss and a 'You were never a good mother' email to their mom?"

    "Deal. No one reads these EULAs anyway."

  22. New KaZaA Infomercial by Trent+Polack · · Score: 5, Funny

    KaZaA: Now Distributing All the Porn and Warez the World has to Offer for Only $19.95 a month!

    And, if you order now, we'll also include a free 5-warez trial of UniversalKeygen v1.0!

    This offer is not available in stores! However, the first 50 callers will receive a free plastic keyboard cover, mouse cover and even a monitor cover! NO MORE CLEANING UP THAT MESS AFTER VIEWING THAT FAKE BRITNEY SPEARS HARDCORE ACTION FLICK!

    Just call 888.PIE.RACY

    --
    Trent Polack
    www.polycat.net
  23. Re:Man what garbage posts by AtariKee · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Is it always this bad right after a story is posted? Or perhaps the subject just brought out the loonies.."

    You're new here, aren't you?

    :)

    --
    "You're getting brutal, Sark. Brutal and needlessly sadistic."
    "Thank you, Master Control"
    -Sark and the MCP
  24. KaZaA business plan... by sdo1 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Phase 1: Create platform that allows people to easily violate copyright laws.

    Phase 2: Switch sides and join with copyright owners.

    Phase 3: ??????

    Phase 4: Profit!

    --
    --- What parts of "shall make no law", "shall not be infringed", and "shall not be violated" don't you understand?
  25. Re:for a fee. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    What kind of a royalty fee will I have to pay on all of the pr0n I download?

    In your case, the world will just give you a big thank you for not contributing to the gene pool.

    But what I want to know is when Hustler and Kleenex will join forces in a marketing campaign, they're like nuts and gum, destined to be together.

  26. What about the pr0n? by HarryCallahan · · Score: 2, Funny

    So who gets my money when I download a pre-coitus pic of some jilted lovers ex partner?

  27. Yeah Right by SomeOtherGuy · · Score: 2, Funny

    Would this not be like the grocery store not letting me leave after my grocery purchases until I bagged and carted 5 or 6 of the customers behind me in line? Listen people, if you want to sell a product and make a profit -- pony up your product, disk space to hold said product, and your bandwidth to distribute the product. Why should I have to make a purchase and then wander around the cyber store why you sucked my bandwidth AFTER I have opened my wallet, to sell to the guy behind me. Damn -- brokers.

    --
    (+1 Funny) only if I laugh out loud.
  28. hidden code by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    did everyone forget about the hidden code in kazaa ?
    they have a number of items hidden and will turn them on remotely
    1.build huge userbase
    2. flip switch and completely change the function of installed software
    3. ?
    4. profit !!

  29. Theives and Taxes by yintercept · · Score: 3, Funny
    In the meantime, she's promoting a plan in the United States dubbed the Intellectual Property User Fee (IPUF), suggesting that a small fee could be added to ISP (Internet service provider) subscriptions to pay artists and content companies, for example

    What a complete piece of flem! Not only does KaZaA infest computers with spyware, the sleezebag company is lobbying to impose a tax on all internet users to pay for their theft.

    Personally, I can see no reason why people who do not partake in file sharing and are very concientious of others intellectual rights should end up having to pay the price for KaZaA's actions.

    Isn't it interesting how people who are theives at heart tend to so quickly look to taxing others.

    Of course, the whole point of P2P is to push the cost of your entertainment on othe others. So, demanding that others pay a direct tax is really not a stretch.

    Since most politicians are theives at heart, it might pass.

  30. Profit! by Atario · · Score: 4, Funny
    1. Establish P2P service.
    2. Get popular by telling (optional: "pretending to tell") the RIAA to "cram it sideways with walnuts, ugly".
    3. Go corporate and get in bed with RIAA.
    4. Profit!
    --
    "A great democracy must be progressive or it will soon cease to be a great democracy." --Theodore Roosevelt
  31. Re:for a fee. by g00z · · Score: 4, Funny

    RIAA/MPAA to KaZaa:

    Wow. That sounds like a really good deal. I've got a better one. How about I give you the finger, and you give me the unique IP of all your users?

    --
    "The Wright brothers were the first to fly with a heavier-than-air machine, but boy did they have a lousy plane"
  32. Re:combine to make fee based virus. by Gruturo · · Score: 2, Funny

    If this guy is right, the establishmet robs you, again!


    And this is not even Soviet Russia!

    --

    Vacuum cleaners suck. Kings rule.
  33. Re:Karn Evil 9 First Impression, ELP predict's KaZ by pldms · · Score: 2, Funny

    Hey, there's no ELP on the iTunes Music Store! What's up with that?

    John Peel once said "ELP are a waste of talent and electricity."

    Their critics were less kind.

    (Finally, a chance to use one of my favourite quotes :-)

    --
    Slashdot looked deep within my soul and assigned
    me a number based on the order in which I joined
  34. And in other news.... by FrozenFrog · · Score: 2, Funny


    Razor911 wants to be a legal distributor for the PC Gaming industry.

    Frog