Slashdot Mirror
He Blows Things Up So You Don't Have To
Red Wolf writes "Popular Science reports on what is possibly the world's coolest job. During his 19 years as a laboratory technician for Underwriters Laboratories, Chuck Cramer has set coffeemakers on fire, knocked computers off desks, short-circuited fans, and blown up everything from toasters to curling irons - all in the name of consumer safety."
"He blows things up so you don't have to"
What?! But I want to blow things up!
Cyde Weys Musings - Scrutinizing the inscrutable
As much as these so-called "consumer safety" tests try, they'll never stop me blowing up my own appliances.
It's just too darn fun.
Don't knock HTML email. It makes my life easier, since I
game, food and condom testing. I think I will look for a generic "consumer goods tester" position... sould proove pretty cost effective BTW.
...and blown up everything from toasters to curling irons - all in the name of consumer safety.
So is it him we have to thank for the warning label on my paper shredder that indicates I shouldn't try and shread my tie while it's still around my neck?
SecondPageMedia - Wha
Yes, that's the coolest job in the world.
As a matter of fact, this is the job I have always wanted, but I never realized it until today and this Slashdot article.
My day is now ruined. Heck, my entire life is ruined!
I hate you Slashdot, you, you... insensitive clod!
The right to offend is far more important than the right not to be offended. (Rowan Atkinson)
1: Blow things up
2: ???
3: Profit!
In Soviet Russia, you don't blow up toasters.
Toasters blow YOU up.
I am a coffeemaker you insensitive clod!
No, more like the warning label on arosol cans saying they are explosive. The interns get to do the grunt work, like putting a tie in a shredder. He gets to do the real demolition work.
Oh never mind, I didn't see the word "Up" in the headline on first read.
This submission is part of his testing the PopSci server for the Slashdot effect. Beware of non-tested servers!
Money for nothing, pix for free
The only way his job could be better is if it were of the Cushy Government type.
Imagine:
-Get payed 3 times the going private sector rate
-Get to play with explosives
-Nobody checks your work
-Get to play with explosives
-Impossible to be fired
-Get to play with explosives
-Get to play with explosives using Government money!
Perhaps one final addition:
-Free blowjobs while on the job (heh, he blows stuff up on the job eh?)
Chuck, we want you to test this cowbell. It's gonna see a lot of action and a lot of banging, so we want you to bang the hell out of this cowbell. We're counting on you, bang that cowbell!
"...set coffeemakers on fire, knocked computers off desks, short-circuited fans, and blown up everything from toasters to curling irons..."
But I personally, don't ever have to blow anything up. It's usually accidental.
He tried to kill me with a forklift!
But can you imagine... blowing up a Beowulf cluster?
I demand video of things been blown up!
<fnord>OBEY</fnord>
1. Set coffeemaker on fire.
2. Knock computers off desk.
3.?????
4.PROFIT!
Name Eric Dennis
Age 28
Job: During his 3 years at Condom Safety International, he has successfully tested over 300 different types of condoms.
Workplace: CSI's testing facility is in Las Vegas, Nevada. A typical day might have Eric testing upwards of 20 different experimental types of condoms in various orifices.
Current project: From behind the plexiglass window, Eric spreads a young 20-something who was brought in from the northern parts of Africa to test how well experimental 'shocking' condoms hold up inside rigid women.
Critical tool: He has one, and only one. He grooms and lotions this tool every day, keeping it ready for new use. He also takes a daily supplement of viagra for vitality
Greatest challenge: With so many women, STD testing is a must, but sometimes they slip up.. Eric has had over 150 STDs to date, and still recovering from a bout of the clap.
Final word: "Sometimes we'll break on average of 10-15 condoms a day, it's all about the combination of materials combined with the ability to keep sensation intact. We're a watchdog for the people, trying to protect them from themselves.
Excuse me, I don't mean to impose, but I am the ocean
I think he should hire Monica Lewinsky as an intern. She has a lot of experience in blowing.
What's so bad about being lazy? What if there was a war and nobody showed up?
My parents never seemed to feel safe when I was blowing things up.
It's only funny until someone gets hurt. Then, it's hilarious.
Why *do* they still make toasters that are capable of burning the toast on the highest setting?
When I am king, you will be first against the wall.
Wait, on second thoughts there are some things a person shouldn't know...
"Get off the cross - we need the wood" - Tori Amos
When I was 10 or so, some friends and I decided it would be cool to make a little blowtorch out of a cigarette lighter and an aerosol can of Lysol. It actually worked pretty well. Then we set a dumpster on fire. You wouldn't believe how well trash burns with a little outside help! Somehow, the Fire Department didn't buy the 'consumer safety' excuse, however...
Doesn't that guy look exactly like the occupational hypno-therapist from Office Space?
Have you seen my stapler?
Why don't we put this guy out of a job?
:P
If this guy is testing stuff so stupid people don't cause themselves bodily injury, why don't we remove warning labels and let the problem solve itself?
Founder of Mirror Moon - Tsukihime Game Trans
'assorted frozen birds?'
assorted?. not that i've ever heard. chickens and turkeys probably. frozen, no, not at all.
there is a famous story involving the safety program for very high-speed trains in an unnamed european country. they speak to the americans about how they test turbines for use in commercial aircraft, and decide that they will use the same basic testing setup. they put the bird right through the windshield of the train _and_ through the driver's seat and embed it in a rack of equipment. they call to the US and inquire as to whether that outcome should be expected. they're told 'no.' they send a detailed description of the test program; the reply, 'defrost the bird.'
(heard from the head of testing for a large commercial jet enging program)
...vividly encapsulates that post-Watergate/pre-punk/coked-up moment when you could trust no one, least of all yourself.
Can he test Microsoft next?
So rise up, all ye lost ones, as one, we'll claw the clouds.
While doing testing on a former project from a company I used to work for, I was actually paid to look up pr0n! It was to test our Internet filtering software and, of course, we had to test when wasn't configured "right". That was another cool job!
This guy's job sure sounds fun, but it's nothing compared to the $200 million Trimount Studios blockbuster film "Blow'd Up." Oh, my!
For more information, click here.
Yeah, like porn star. Man, I would hate to have either of those jobs! Yep - tedious, just like sitting in this cubicle.... Poor saps.
*SOB*
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
Personally I like the iron which warns "do not iron clothes when on body". Then there's the peanut butter jar with "Warning: May contain nuts" and the ever popular warning on sleeping tablets "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
Most of the warnings are just the manufacturers covering their asses, and most can be directly referenced back to a specific litigation - the famous McDonalds hot coffee case. We have her to thank (whatever the merits or otherwise of that specific claim).
---- Den ene knappen er powerknapp, den andre er Bender voice knapp "Bite My Shiny Metal Ass"
there is a large part of our population that has an IQ under 100..
Would that be about 50% per chance?
I lay awake last night wondering where the sun had gone, then it dawned on me.
>
>DO NOT EAT.
Knew a chick in high school who was anorexic. Can she sue the makers of silica gel for that?
The Noisy Room,
The Fixture and Ballast Room
The Thrown Projectiles Room
The High Voltage Room
Do these guys know how to party, or what?
Yeah, no kidding. How likely is it that a jar of peanut butter, labeled "Peanut Butter" actually contians peanut butter? They should label those things better. I got fooled once. Man, that ruined my nachos...
He was going to only work there for 15 years, but then Office Space came out...
His boss didn't want him getting any ideas about testing the soundness of the building.
There is also a standing memo warning passersby not to touch his stapler.
Mod me down and I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!
If you drive a car while drunk, is it the car manufacturer's fault if you drive into a tree and are severely wounded?
People would stop driving drunk if there was a massive explosive-backed spike aiming at them - embedded in the steering column. In fact, if all cars had this feature, we'd see much more polite drivers... while we're at it, make the body out of glass, and we'd see an end to road rage as we know it.
- passion
To quote George Carlin:
"Think of how stupid the average person is. Half of them are more stupid than that".
Goblin
It's all fun and games until a 200' robot dinosaur shows up and trashes Neo-Tokyo... Again
Scientific American?
Well I've wrestled with reality for thirty five years doctor, and I'm happy to say I finally won out over it.
Don't ever try to overclock your coffee machine. Disaster will ensue!
"I'd say 'Have a good time,' but arson is still illegal.
while we're at it, make the body out of glass, and we'd see an end to road rage as we know it.
We'd also see an end to make-out sessions on Lover's Lane as we know it.
Yes, I know, sloppy terminology. If I'm using it in conversation I usually add a caveat of "assuming normal distribution", but then people look at me funny.
Goblin
It's all fun and games until a 200' robot dinosaur shows up and trashes Neo-Tokyo... Again