He Blows Things Up So You Don't Have To

Red Wolf writes "Popular Science reports on what is possibly the world's coolest job. During his 19 years as a laboratory technician for Underwriters Laboratories, Chuck Cramer has set coffeemakers on fire, knocked computers off desks, short-circuited fans, and blown up everything from toasters to curling irons - all in the name of consumer safety."

Comments

Misleading subject

[Ignorant Aardvark]

"He blows things up so you don't have to"

What?! But I want to blow things up!

Re:Misleading subject

[Surak]

What?! But I want to blow things up!

This is Agent Smith. We've had our eye on you for sometime, Mr. Aardvark..

Re:Misleading subject

[Ignorant Aardvark]

Surak: As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Aardvark. It seems that you've been living two lives. In one life, you're Ben R. McIlwain, college-bound high school graduate, you have a social security number, you pay your taxes, and you help your mother carry out her garbage. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the slashdot alias Ignorant Aardvark and are guilty of virtually every modding crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not. I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can be, Mr. Aardvark. You're here because we need your help. We know that you've been contacted by a certain individual, a man who calls himself Cowboyneal. Now whatever you think you know about this man is irrelevant. He is considered by many authorities to be the most dangerous poll option alive. My colleagues believe that I am wasting my time with you but I believe that you wish to do the right thing. We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start and all that we're asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.

Ignorant Aardvark: Whoaa.

They'll Never Stop Me.

[Flying-Cow-Man]

As much as these so-called "consumer safety" tests try, they'll never stop me blowing up my own appliances.

It's just too darn fun.

Re:They'll Never Stop Me.

[anshil]

As they say: You cannot make anything idiot-proof, because idiots are so ingenious.

Coolset job along with...

[Manos Batsis]

game, food and condom testing. I think I will look for a generic "consumer goods tester" position... sould proove pretty cost effective BTW.

So there is someone behind the madness, afterall..

[aerojad]

...and blown up everything from toasters to curling irons - all in the name of consumer safety.

So is it him we have to thank for the warning label on my paper shredder that indicates I shouldn't try and shread my tie while it's still around my neck?

Demolition Man...

[Noryungi]

Yes, that's the coolest job in the world.

As a matter of fact, this is the job I have always wanted, but I never realized it until today and this Slashdot article.

My day is now ruined. Heck, my entire life is ruined!

I hate you Slashdot, you, you... insensitive clod!

Hey!

[Manos Batsis]

I am a coffeemaker you insensitive clod!

Re:So there is someone behind the madness, afteral

[Anonymous Coward]

No, more like the warning label on arosol cans saying they are explosive. The interns get to do the grunt work, like putting a tie in a shredder. He gets to do the real demolition work.

Servertest?

[richie2000]

This submission is part of his testing the PopSci server for the Slashdot effect. Beware of non-tested servers!

Sounds like my flat mate!

[MrFredBloggs]

"...set coffeemakers on fire, knocked computers off desks, short-circuited fans, and blown up everything from toasters to curling irons..."

I can't speak for anyone else here

[3.5 stripes]

But I personally, don't ever have to blow anything up. It's usually accidental.

Unsatisfying story!

[tjensor]

I demand video of things been blown up!

I am the coolest job

[Eric(b0mb)Dennis]

Name Eric Dennis

Age 28

Job: During his 3 years at Condom Safety International, he has successfully tested over 300 different types of condoms.

Workplace: CSI's testing facility is in Las Vegas, Nevada. A typical day might have Eric testing upwards of 20 different experimental types of condoms in various orifices.

Current project: From behind the plexiglass window, Eric spreads a young 20-something who was brought in from the northern parts of Africa to test how well experimental 'shocking' condoms hold up inside rigid women.

Critical tool: He has one, and only one. He grooms and lotions this tool every day, keeping it ready for new use. He also takes a daily supplement of viagra for vitality

Greatest challenge: With so many women, STD testing is a must, but sometimes they slip up.. Eric has had over 150 STDs to date, and still recovering from a bout of the clap.

Final word: "Sometimes we'll break on average of 10-15 condoms a day, it's all about the combination of materials combined with the ability to keep sensation intact. We're a watchdog for the people, trying to protect them from themselves.

Time for a new poll!

[mblase]

World's coolest job?

• Blowing consumer products up
• Blowing old buildings up
• Blowing Microsoft computers up
• Blowing NPCs up
• CowboyNeal blows me down

Re:Even Cooler Job

[lendude]

How does one deforst a chicken?

Wait, on second thoughts there are some things a person shouldn't know...

Doesn't work that way in real life

[Art Tatum]

When I was 10 or so, some friends and I decided it would be cool to make a little blowtorch out of a cigarette lighter and an aerosol can of Lysol. It actually worked pretty well. Then we set a dumpster on fire. You wouldn't believe how well trash burns with a little outside help! Somehow, the Fire Department didn't buy the 'consumer safety' excuse, however...

Re:Even Cooler Job

[non]

'assorted frozen birds?'
assorted?. not that i've ever heard. chickens and turkeys probably. frozen, no, not at all.

there is a famous story involving the safety program for very high-speed trains in an unnamed european country. they speak to the americans about how they test turbines for use in commercial aircraft, and decide that they will use the same basic testing setup. they put the bird right through the windshield of the train _and_ through the driver's seat and embed it in a rack of equipment. they call to the US and inquire as to whether that outcome should be expected. they're told 'no.' they send a detailed description of the test program; the reply, 'defrost the bird.'

(heard from the head of testing for a large commercial jet enging program)

Re:Probably not the coolest

[gosand]

Sure, he gets to blow stuff up But imagine the extensive safety reports he must have to write, combined with the countless testing/retesting of products... I'd imagine it would get tedious, like just about any job

Yeah, like porn star. Man, I would hate to have either of those jobs! Yep - tedious, just like sitting in this cubicle.... Poor saps.

*SOB*

Re:Protect them from themselves?

[apdt]

there is a large part of our population that has an IQ under 100..

Would that be about 50% per chance?

Re:Protect them from themselves?

[Tackhead]

> Three words that everyone here has seen on way too many little packets:
>
>DO NOT EAT.

Knew a chick in high school who was anorexic. Can she sue the makers of silica gel for that?

Rooms

[Anne_Nonymous]

The Noisy Room,
The Fixture and Ballast Room
The Thrown Projectiles Room
The High Voltage Room

Do these guys know how to party, or what?

Re:Protect them from themselves?

[balthan]

Yeah, no kidding. How likely is it that a jar of peanut butter, labeled "Peanut Butter" actually contians peanut butter? They should label those things better. I got fooled once. Man, that ruined my nachos...

More stuff

[fireboy1919]

He was going to only work there for 15 years, but then Office Space came out...

His boss didn't want him getting any ideas about testing the soundness of the building.

There is also a standing memo warning passersby not to touch his stapler.

Re:Protect them from themselves?

[passion]

If you drive a car while drunk, is it the car manufacturer's fault if you drive into a tree and are severely wounded?

People would stop driving drunk if there was a massive explosive-backed spike aiming at them - embedded in the steering column. In fact, if all cars had this feature, we'd see much more polite drivers... while we're at it, make the body out of glass, and we'd see an end to road rage as we know it.

Re:Protect them from themselves?

[Stuart Gibson]

To quote George Carlin:

"Think of how stupid the average person is. Half of them are more stupid than that".

Goblin

anybody else remember Letterman's safety calls?

[SolemnDragon]

Dave Letterman would drop tv sets out windows, yes. And water coolers, office chairs or other equipment, whatever was handy. But by far the coolest Dave Letterman Destruction was the time when he called GE's consumer help line, and asked them what would happen if he put a bowl full of their light bulbs into one of their microwaves.

Dave: So, what do you think would happen?
(woman's voice): Umm.... we don't recommend that you do that, Sir....
Dave: But you don't know what would happen?
(Woman's Voice): Hold on, let me get my supervisor.
(Supervisor) : Hello?
Dave: Hi there! What would happen if we put a bowlful of your lightbulbs into one of your microwaves?

It was a fairly long conversation, with the GE fellow hemming and hawing and Dave asking questions such as, Will it blow up? Will the lightbulbs explode first, or the microwave?The supervisor finally said look, we can't be held responsible for anything that happens, because we're telling you not to, that's not an appropriate use of the equipment, etc... and then, with the GE supervisor still on the phone, Dave put them in and hit the start button, describing every step as he went. The microwave caught fire, i recall (i don't remember which blew up first) and the whole mess had to be put out with fire extinguishers. It was a nightmare for GE, they never lived it down. People were calling for months.