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Linux vs. SCO: The Decision Matrix
hexidec writes "Haven't seen this here yet, though I may have missed it. Anyway... A group of Australian techies have put together an analysis matrix of the likelyhood of each SCO Unix claim being true, and what outcome would most likely result if so. Puts a lot of the various recent suppositions in one handy place."
We'll cast Hugo Weaving as SCO, Keanu Reeves as Tux, and Laurence Fishburne as IBM. Carrie-Anne Moss would make an excellent IBM, since IBM's products are fairly sleek and sexy right now, and I'd really like to get into IBM...
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
Is there a site listing a matrix of the possible links that could survive a slashdotting?
Morpheus: SCO is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your operating system. Or when you boot your AIX box. You can feel it when you surf the web. When you compile your kernel. When you mount your filesystems. It is the lawsuit that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
I, seriously, just got the biggest headache ever. SCO must be desperate for something to do as of late.
There is no SCO.
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Something clever...but they forgot a row in the table:
Effect on SCO:
Everyone hates them
Everyone hates them
Everyone hates them
Everyone hates them
Everyone hates them
Everyone hates them
"A great democracy must be progressive or it will soon cease to be a great democracy." --Theodore Roosevelt
I wanted to see how long it took for my link to be saturated. Can't do that with google.
Accentuate the positive, don't waste your mod points on the negative.
This is your last chance.
You tale the Blue pill, and you decline the NDA. You come to your senses and walk away.
You take the Red pill and you stay in wonderland, and SCO will show you just how deep the Rabbit hole goes. Oh, and you can't tell anyone what you saw.
"Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival."
--Dr.W.Edwards Deming
Who needs a decision matrix when you can have a Jump to Conclusions Board ?
Preaching to the quire ROFL!!!! I suppose I should inchoir as to why your spelling sucks!
SCO hires Johnny Cochrane
Likelihood: Very likely
Evidence: While SCO has not yet hired Johnny Cochrane on their legal team, most pundits (John Dvorak included) are predicting it.
What if SCO does: Chewbacca is a Wooky from the planet Kishic, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it. That does not make sense. Why would a Wooky, an eight-foot-tall Wooky, want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot-tall Ewoks. That does not make sense. But more important, you have to ask yourself what does this have to do with this case.
Nothing. Ladies and Gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case.
It does not make sense. Look at me. I'm a lawyer working for a major software company and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and Gentlemen I'm am not making any sense. None of this makes sense. And so you have to remember when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No. Ladies and Gentlemen of this deposed jury it does not make sense. If Chewbacca lives on Endor you must convict. The prosecution rests.
Final Outcome: Linus Torvalds wakes up in his bed and says, "Mom? I just dreamt that me and IBM and SCO were trapped in a court case that made no sense and we were talking about everything that happened to us except that it was all wrong, and ended with us eating ice cream."
I think I know where my bet is.
Don't you think we should all switch over to GNU/Hurd anyway, just in case?
Looks like we just slashdotted The Matrix! The machines no longer have control over us!!!!
Freenet links are only immune to the Slashdot effect to the extent that, due to the nature of the system, *every* Freenet link feels Slashdotted, no matter how popular it is.
-- Help Digitise the Public Domain at DP.
I guess Linus could be Morpheus. Or maybe the kid with the spoon. Calmly sitting on the floor and saying, "there is no copyright violation".
as a former paralegal I can assure you....
whether or not the judge got laid last night all have significant bearing on whether or not the court will have enough evidence to deem this point "proven."
I hope we can count on you to do your part.
> > Ahhh... I feel the slashdot effect. Since this doc has tables, I put a mirror up.
> And another, 'cos what the hell
Could someone post a decision table for which link I should click?
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
This "matrix" has been slashdoted, please "reload" :)
Actually, it's more like this:
IBM, Red Hat, and SuSE are bikers hanging out at a seedy bar in Southern California, by the shore. Their harleys are parked out front, all choppers, gleaming and evil looking. Currently, IBM and Red Hat are playing a traditional game: each holds a lit cigar to his forearm while SuSE counts the seconds, with two twenty dollar bills at stake. A few feet away, the BSD brothers are playing cards at an outside table, a quart of Mexican tequila and a bunch of shotglasses next to the deck. Periodically, they throw back a shot. Their rusty Jeep Renegade sits nearby. Suddenly, there's a little lawnmower sound. A go-kart with a broken muffler pulls up, bumping into the Harleys and knocking them down. IBM, Red Hat, and Suse ferociously stride over and bellow.
"HEY, MAN! THOSE ARE OUR BIKES!"
A fat little kid wearing a shirt with wide horizontal stripes and a pair of bermuda shorts held up by orange suspenders jumps out of the go-kart and saunters over to the bikes. He's got freckles, bright red hair, and triple-thick glasses. He's obviously not "all there".
Fat kid: "Hi. I'm SCO. Motorbikes suck; I drive a go-kart." (kicks the nearest bike, breaking the headlight). If it wasn't for my Go-Kart technology, you wouldn't even HAVE these bikes. You should buy me some beers in appreciation."
IBM: (seething). "That was my bike. Kid, you really shouldn't have done that." Red Hat: (shakes head). SuSE: (muttering) "Gott in Himmel" (laughs)
IBM walks over, grabs the kid by the suspenders, and lifts him clear off the ground, bouncing him up and down while looking him over. Then, he tosses the kid way up in the air, catching him on the way down by his underwear waistband and yanking upwards with both hands. With a great stretching sound, the drawers pull all the way over the kid's head. IBM lets go, and they snap into place.
Everyone: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Red Hat: "Hey, IBM, do that shit again!" SuSE: "Funny!" The BSD brothers: "huh huh huh huh -- HE said SHIT!"
SCO (through his underwear): "You buncha creeps! My grandfather used to own this land. I'll tear down this bar and make you take your alky bullshit somewhere else! And, what's up with that biker gay-chic thing?"
IBM: "Oh, my lawd, he went there." Red Hat: "Oh, you didn't..." SuSE: "Uh oh..." BSD Brother number 1: "Oh, boy, here we go."
IBM leans over, grabs the kid by the ankles, and heads to the outhouse. He kicks the door open, goes in, and the door slams.
(from inside)
SCO: Noooooooooo!
(SPLASH, SPLASH, SPLASH).
IBM comes walking back out, without SCO. He takes a long pull from the tequila bottle.
IBM: "Damn." BSD Brothers, in unison: "What, what happened, man?" IBM: "Damn..." Red Hat: "Hey, where'd the brat go?" SuSE: "Yeah, you gave him the swirly, right?" IBM: "Yep." Red Hat: "So... ?" IBM: "He's a slippery little bastard when he gets wet. Popped right out of my hands and went down into the latrine!"
Everyone: "NO WAY!"
IBM: "Yeah... Poor little bastard. Ah, well. What can you do? Maybe he'll swim back up outta it."
(about a minute later)
SCO flops out of the toilet seat, landing on the ground in front of the toilet, covered in green goo.
SCO: "URH! URG! CTHULU FLAGNTH!" Red Hat: "Hey, boys, somethin' ain't right about that kid, man. It looks like he's growin' fins."
Everyone looks. SCO has turned into a weirdo fish-man.
SCO: "CTHULU FLAGNTH!" IBM: "Well, whaddaya know?"
SCO runs across the parking lot, and leaps off the cliff into the sea.
SCO: "CTHULU FLAAAAAAAAAAAGNTH!" (SPLASH)
IBM, looking over the edge. "Well, I guess that's about that." Red Hat: "You don't see THAT every day." SuSE: "Pass me that there tequila bottle, ok?"
(fade to black)
You all thought I was going to get into the Microsoft/Cthulu thing, didn'tcha? Ha! Fooled ya!
Farewell! It's been a fine buncha years!
To: All SCO Employees
Re: Pills
All employees are reminded to take the BLUE pill every morning, not the RED pill. The BLUE pill is for good; the RED pill is evil. Employees will be given a BLUE pill every morning when they report in for work. All RED pills are to be turned into security for proper disposal. Any employee who reports an unauthorized RED pill to security will be given an extra SCO stock share as a bonus.
Signed,
Darl C. McBride
It's all fun and games until someone loses the key to the handcuffs.
PHB tells you "Flip burgers." No hesitation.
Will I retire or break 10K?
I am not a lawyer, but --insert long lawyerly opinion here justifying your deepest wishes for Linux--.
Slashdot: Failed Car Analogies. Amateur Lawyering. Anecdote Battles.
I wish my boss didn't have outlook at all. Fucking worms keep ruining my weekends.