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How to Jam a Worldwide Satellite TV Broadcast
An anonymous reader submits: "According to an MSNBC article, 'it's simply a matter of aiming a strong signal at the uplink transponder on the satellite and overwhelming the...broadcaster's signals...You need a dish, some power, not too much. You put up a test pattern ... and do a sweep and find the transponder on the satellite you want to jam. It could even be smaller than the standard 6-meter dish. It could be a small dish with a lot of power.' This was apparently how an Iranian satellite television station was knocked off of Loral Skynet's TelStar-12 a few days ago. Loral contacted TLS, a company which specializes in satellite broadcast security, who quickly located the source of the jamming to Cuba."
What website are you referring to, Coward?
Kids these days. They don't know the difference between classic, and just plain old.
Many of you are against jamming digital television signals because of some ephemeral notion of your "natural right" to fair use, as though fair use weren't an artifact of positive law (passed by Congress) in another act of positive law (copyright law itself). But let's assume for a moment that you're correct, that there is a fundamental right here that's being abused. I'll grant you that, if you think it'll help your case. But it won't, and I'll tell you why.
Rights aren't absolute, no matter what Ronald Dworkin tells you. Your right may trump my interest, but your right cannot trump my right; trumps cannot trump each other without reference to a hierarchy of trumps (which is lacking in this instance).
That's all well and good, you say, but how is it relavent here? What right of mine are you abridging by having this turf-war with the television industry? Why, the most fundamental right of all: the right to continue existing without molestation by other moral agents.
You see, it is critical that digital television be jammed. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day, television signals are being broadcast from our television satelites to our homes, but not just to our homes, no. Into outer space.
There is an archaeological record of our daily human experiences being broadcast to extraterrestrials as we speak. Forget Species. The greatest horror won't be when aliens get our DNA sequences; it'll be when they get our reruns. Some time in the distant future, an intrepid band of extraterrestrial warriors will reach that distant blue planet that has been polluting their atmosphere with high-frequency radio signals, and they will know exactly how to destroy us at our precise weak spots; for they will have studied the Three Stooges ("Poke 'em in the eye!") and Survivor ("Give 'em money and they'll self-immolate!").
It will be a bleak day for humanity, and I will not countenance any industry policy that allows it to transpire. It is critical that we take steps today to jam our television signals so that if they ever fall into enemy hands, they will appear like mindless garbage and a waste of time to try to comprehend.
Thank you.
No, what we really need to do is get rid of that tin plated dictator once and for all.
Judging from Iranian tactics, they just might set Cuba up the bomb.
Don't fire Micheal, just fuck him in the butt until he bleeds. Slice him open and use an electric whisk on his insides. Cut his nipples off and force feed them to him. Take photos. THEN Slashdot would be worth looking at.
BARF. Oh, you're right, and when you're right, you're right, and you, you're always right. Okay, we save her, but how? The minute we move in there, they're spot us on their radar.
....jammed.
LONE STARR. Uh-uh.
BARF. Uh-huh.
LONE STARR. Uh-uh.
BARF. Uh-huh.
LONE STARR. Uh-uh, not if we jam it.
BARF. Ah, ha! You're right.
LONE STARR. Down scope.
BARF. Down scope.
(The scope comes down. BARF looks through the scope and focuses on the radar.)
BARF. Radar, about to be jammed.
EXT. SPACEBALL 1 - SPACE
(Jam comes flying and crashes the radar.)
INT. SPACEBALL 1 - SPACE
(The radar is screwing up. The RADAR TECHNICIAN is trying to figure out the problem.)
RADAR TECH. (he is making the sound effects) Shit. (makes more sound effects and dials phone) Sir? (in microphone)
COL SANDURZ. What is it?
RADAR TECH. (O.S.) (in microphone) Can I talk to for a minute, please, sir.
COL SANDURZ and DARK HELMET (walk over to him)
COL SANDURZ. Well.
RADAR TECH. (in microphone) I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.
COL SANDURZ. You don't need that, Private, we're right here. (hangs up microphone) Now, what is it?
RADAR TECH. (in microphone voice) I'm having trouble with radar, sir.
DARK HELMET. (rips out the microphone-mask up) Now, what is it?
RADAR TECH. I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.
DARK HELMET. What's wrong with it?
RADAR TECH. I've lost the bleeps, I've the lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps.
DARK HELMET. The what?
COL SANDURZ. The what?
DARK HELMET. And the what?
RADAR TECH. You know. The bleeps, (makes bleeps sounds) the sweeps, (makes sweeps sounds) and the creeps. (makes creeps sounds)
DARK HELMET. (to Sandurz) That's not he's lost.
RADAR TECH. Sir. The radar, sir. It appears to be....(Jam starts dripping down the screen.)
RADAR TECH.
DARK HELMET. Jammed? (takes a taste of the jam) Raspberry. There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry. (pulls down mask) Lone Starr!
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And you wonder why you fucking morons have a bad reputation? Isn't there a toilet somewhere you could be scrubbing out right now?
Your post succinctly sums up exactly the attitude that provokes the rest of the world into frustration against Americans:
What would you have done if it was NFL playoffs or World Series baseball live?
Just because something isn't important to you, it doesn't mean it isn't important to others.
I guess you have no problem with crivket fans thinking you're a dick - after all, none of them are American, so why should you care?
*sigh*
cLive ;-)
-- Trinity in high heels carrying a whip: The donimatrix - there is no spoonerism
Interesting, eh? More like 0, Stupid. The broadcasts are done by regime-critical expatriots in the US. Why would the US jam anti-iraninan broadcasts based on its own soil?
Maybe to provide an excuse to invade yet another country?
Lies about crimes