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United Nuclear

Posted by michael on from the even-the-name-is-perfect dept.

goombah99 writes "Hey Mr. Science, need a rocket pack for your bicycle? Look no further than United Nuclear scientific supply where under their dangerous products category you can purchase your own radioactive uranium ore, as well as a two million volt generator if you need one. Or what mad scientist can do without his own particle accelerator (which they advertise can mutate DNA in seed, explore the atom, or simply transmute elements)"

7 of 263 comments (clear)

  1. on second thought, pass the lead gloves please. by sweeney37 · · Score: 5, Funny

    All of these samples measure over 40,000 CPM and we'll occasionally have some as high as 300,000 CPM.
    This is 2 to 15 times the radiation level as our "High Radiation Level" samples.
    Do Not store these samples on your person, and wash your hands after handling them.

    Yeah, if I'm touching uranium that they label as being "Super High Radiation Level" I'm thinking I may want more than a "hand-washing".

    Mike

    1. Re:on second thought, pass the lead gloves please. by gantrep · · Score: 5, Funny

      Everyone is way too paranoid about radiation. Sure you wouldn't want to handle it every day, but a piece of uranium metal is not the same thing as a nuclear bomb, ok?

      You can hold plutonium metal in your hand and you can even eat uranium metal with minimal harm.

      Wow, huh?

      Even though these samples may be very radioactive, most likely, the handwashing as they say is all you would really need. They're the experts, they deal with it. Trust them.

    2. Re:on second thought, pass the lead gloves please. by adagioforstrings · · Score: 5, Funny

      Are these the same experts that say that Depleted Uranium weapons do no leave any harmfull after effects after they are used

      Uh, I thought that was the point? I know what you mean, though, it just seems kind of funny:

      Scientist 1: Today we're testing to see if there are harmful effects from depleted uranium weapons
      Scientist 2: Righto. Commence with experiment.
      (Scientist 2 activates 30mm chaingun with depleted uranium shells to deliver DU to test subject)
      Scientist 2: Uh...harmful effects?
      (Scientist 1 inspects test subject)
      Scientist 1: Hmm, hard to say. Maybe on that bit over there?

  2. important safety tip! by Tumbleweed · · Score: 5, Funny

    > Or what mad scientist can do without his own particle accelerator

    If you get more than one, don't cross the streams. It would be ... bad.

    Cats and dogs living together ... MASS HYSTERIA!

  3. Happy Fun Rock by citking · · Score: 5, Funny
    Disclaimer packed with each ore sample:

    Do not taunt happy fun rock. If happy fun rock starts getting hot, turn and walk calmly but quickly towards the nearest bomb shelter...

    --
    "This food is problematic."
  4. Slashdot Works For US Government - Stopping Terror by docstrange · · Score: 5, Funny

    Recent conversation between CMDR Taco and Donald Rumsfield.

    Rumsfield: Hey CMDR Taco, there's this website we need to take down that sells nuclear supplies. We think that terrorists might be using them to build weapons of mass destruction.

    Taco: No problem, i'll have a slashdot story posted immediateley. It should stop the website dead in it's tracks until we can permanently shut them down.

    Rumsfield: Excellent, thank you for protecting our country.

    --
    Remember that you are unique, just like everybody else.
  5. No responsibility by tarquin_fim_bim · · Score: 5, Funny

    "A few of these projects will instantly kill if precautions are not followed. Although we have personally conducted every experiment & built every project here, we assume no responsibility for your attempt to do so."

    I suppose a refund would be out of the question then.