Perl 1.0?
James A. A. Joyce writes "The title says it all. There's a tiny blurb over at dev.perl.org.
Download Perl 1.0 here, for all of those nostalgics in the Slashdot audience! It's only 263KB, so why not give this piece of 1980s computing history a try?"
I submitted this story almost 20 years ago!
Do you even lift?
These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.
You forgot "the speed of Java."