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SCO Says IBM is Beating Up on Them
SCO's McBride claims that IBM is stage-managing all the attacks and bad press, which would probably explain why I cleared this article with IBM World Headquarters before running it (not!). The publisher of Linux Journal invites SCO to sue. One of SCO's lawyers has this barely coherent interview where he spouts legal rubbish for a gullible reporter. There's an interview in German (machine translation) with SCO's execs. And finally, SCO is still hoping for a settlement with IBM. Update: 08/22 18:26 GMT by M : ESR responds.
did you guys get your checks from IBM today? My hourly on posting anti-SCO stuff has gone through the roof!
Remember, it's not paranoia if they really are all out to get them.
And we are.
"You don't have any...*objections* to signing that, do you...my son?"
Fuck Slashdot
I can't decide which is funnier - the point about IBM orchestrating all the outrage, or the point that SCO is somehow more "relevant" to the tech community because they've filed a bunch of press releases!
Thanks, Darl - it's good to kick off the weekend with a good laugh...
Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
IBM paid me $699 to criticise SCO ;););)
I have started printing out SCOs press releases so I can save them and spread them on my garden for next year. Normally I would have to pay top dollar for bullshit that rich and strong.
I want a new quote. One that won't spill. One that don't cost too much. Or come in a pill.
You know, after the dot-com bust, I wondered where all those "visionaries" went. You know, the ones who could charm millions of American Dollars from venture capitalists and day-trading shareholders with nothing more than a bottle of snake oil and a press release.
I guess I found them:
McBride proudly dumped two phone-book-sized binders of press clippings on the stage during his SCO Forum keynote on Monday as proof that his company had become more relevant in the high technology industry. SCO has issued 46 press releases since filing suit against IBM on March 7. Last year it issued only 29 press releases between March and August.
Here I was, worried about unemployment among the "visionary entrepreneur" community. They're working for SCO! And just look at those results -- they've had a 58% increase in press release generation in just one year! I'm so glad to see that they've landed on their feet.
Too bad the rug's about to get yanked out from under them again.
Stressed? Me? Of course not. Stress is what a rubber band feels before it breaks, silly.
From the first article (not that it matters):
..."
"McBride declined to reveal the sources of his allegations,
Anyone have a guess as to who these McBride sources are? My hunch is Miss Cleo.
Look out honey, 'cause I'm using technology; Ain't got time to make no apology
"Hundreds of customers like and use SCO's Unix products."
I think that is a pretty good example of have "relevant" SCO is... This is like the director (?producer, someone else) of Gigli getting quoted as saying "I've seen worse movies [than Gigli]"
McBride: That's like if someone comes into your house while you're sleeping, takes your jewels, and as you start chasing them down...
I'm no expert, but having dreams about about somebody cutting your balls off and running off with them doesn't sound good to me!
"There are people who do not love their fellow human being, and I _hate_ people like that!" - Tom Lehrer
We. We are out to get them.
Well, at least Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf has a job now...
Q: Why are SCO suing everyone?
A: SCO is run by a bunch of vicious, lying, cowardly, greedy, sociopathic lawyers.
Q: Why is IBM being so slow to respond?
A: IBM is still coming to terms with the fact that a company such as SCO would be so entirely suicidal and stupid. They are not used to dealing with complete and utter morons.
Q: Do SCO's actions present a danger to the Linux and OSS community?
A: Yes, a sociopathic killer who hates you can present a danger. He might just get lucky with that ax he is waving.
Q: Are SCO doing this for the money, for the shares?
A: SCO's executives will end up in prison getting midnight visits from large violent criminals. But that kind of logic never stopped a sociopath before.
Q: How can I defend myself from SCO?
A: This would be a good time to move to Texas and get a larger gun.
Q: Does SCO have any valid arguments at all?
A: Strictly speaking, all arguments have equal merit when digested by stupid and possibly corrupt members of the press, as government ministries of disinformation have shown over the centuries. SCO remain, however, a stinkin' bunch of evil mutant fiends, and everthing they say should be taken to be concentrated pranoid drivel.
Q: Who stands to gain from this circus?
A: Entertainment is good for everyone, and it has been a slow summer, so SCO is actually contributing to the mental well-being of many people with their daily antics. For this we should be grateful. If you mean financial gain, the only party who stands to gain is Microsoft, who enjoy watching people attack the GPL and Free Software, because these represent a way of life that is entirely incompatible with its own.
Q: Could Microsoft actually be behind SCO?
A: Is George Bush the President of the US? OK, poor comparison. Yes, of course they are. Even evil, corrupt, whore-mongering, cocaine-sniffing running dogs like SCO's executives have a sense of self-interest and only leap into dark holes when they know they will be paid well for it.
Q: How is Microsoft paying SCO, then?
A: It only has to pay the executives. SCO is a publicly traded company. I presume MS is offering the SCO legal eagles direct and indirect financial support, promises of future comfort, what have you. There are so many ways...
Q: Should I be buying SCO shares?
A: YES, and if you do, I also have some very nice shares in a brand-new satellite network called Iridium that might interest you. They are sure to do amazing things!!
Ceci n'est pas une signature
Interviewer: Mr. McBride, how tall are you?
McBride: (answers)
Interviewer: Gee, I didn't know you could pile shit that high.
On a side note, I had to defend McBride the other day, when someone said he wasn't fit to sleep with a pig. I said, "That's not true".
$HighSchoolGirl_1 : Tony said that in 3rd period Kelly saw Suzy and Sharon talking about Darl McBride passing notes in English class to Mark Heise!!!1!1!!
$HighSchoolGirl_2 : Yeah, I know! The teacher caught them and read the note out loud before the class.
$HSG_1 : Like, what'd it say?!?!!11!
$HSG_2 : Well, I wasn't there, but Marcy said her friend was there, and Darl was like, "Hey Mark, we ro0l, and IBM sux0rs," and Mark was like, "Yeah, we should kick IBM's ass and take all their IP," and Mark was like "Those dirty linux-using geeks are messing up our plan, too," and Mark was like, "Yeah, I hate those damn hippies," and Darl was like, "We need to start our own web page so we can out IBM to everyone," and Mark was like "Yeah!!11! I can put it up on my 486DX at home! My parents got dialup, but it's 56k and shit. I've got this k-rad script that auto redials!"
$HSG_1 : No. They didn't really say that, did they?!1!one!?
$HSG_2 : YES. They. DID!!1! I think IBM and a few of their friends are going to meet up with Darl and Mark out in the parking lot after school...
-- I'd say your post was about 3 monkeys, 18 minutes.
No, we don't hate those people. And we certainly don't want to mash the SCO executives into a bloody pulp, either. Nor would we want to keep their body parts in our freezers. No. Hate is such a strong word.
Let us put aside any negative feelings we might have toward them and simply put flame to some feces on their doorsteps.
I think SCO should hire the Iraqi Information Minister to spread propaganda. A portfolio of the Minister's work is available here
Here are some sample answers he could be giving in an interview:
Question: What do you think are your chances of winning a lawsuit against an industry giant like IBM?
"We are not afraid of [IBM]. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."
"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of [the courts]. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."
"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"
Question: Could you elaborate on the perceived media attacks being launched against SCO?
"I blame Al-Jazeera - they are marketing for [IBM]!"
"Lying is forbidden in [SCO]. President [McBride] will tolerate nothing but truthfulness as he is a man of great honor and integrity. Everyone is encouraged to speak freely of the truths evidenced in their eyes and hearts."
Question: What do you think will be a result of your lawsuit against Linux users?
"Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly."
"We will welcome them with [lawsuits] and shoes."
"Let the [Linux] infidels bask in their illusion"
"There is no spoon." - The Matrix