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Is it Just Me, Or Is Our Mainframe Missing?
xnuandax writes "Here's a salient lesson for those system security personnel who spend their time fretting over the theoretical crack-ability of their 1024 bit encryption keys. Australian Customs have recently suffered a rather unfortunate set back in their "War Against Terror" with the admission that two of their secure mainframe servers have been wheeled out of the building by persons unknown. I'll bet my $2 that the root password on those boxes was 'trustno1'."
As the pool of blood gathered around my head, I contemplated my fate. Where had I gone wrong? Could I have prevented this? If only I had the chance, I could go back, and make things right.
(Two hours earlier)
The sickly green glow relfected off my oily face. I had not been outside for several days. What was the weather like outside? Was it sunny? Maybe it was raining? It didn't matter, because my basement room had no windows, and I had no reason to leave. As always, I sat in front of my computer for at least seventeen hours a day. What had started as a mere curiousity became a disease.
My dusty old computer had an uptime of well over two hundred days. I was proud of that in the only way a FreeBSD user could be. I lifted the grimy mouse and gently guided it across my coffee stained mousepad. Little gears were turning inside my head; I was calculating my next move. I reloaded slashdot for the 295th time since I had awaken, and read the top story.
At first, the story seemed rather bland and benign, but upon further inspection, something caught my eye. It was a simple story, nothing unusual, just another AskSlashdot story posted to the front page. When I noticed that the story was asking for advice about an Apple system, I knew right then that I must troll it.
"Trolling an Apple story is too easy", I thought to myself. Somehow, I was pulled in, tempted by satan himself to troll that story. I set my mind in motion, and quickly crafted a response. I knew that I would have to be swift, or my troll would be lost in the constant sea of refuse that comprised slashdot.
The content of my troll was not important, it was the usual fare, which allowed a comment rating of "5, Informative" in no time. I gleefully reloaded slashdot and watched the replies roll in. As soon as the tide had subsided, I moved on to other things, namely checking out some of my favorite pornography sites for updates.
After a short while, I went back to check on my troll. The replies were still rolling in, but one reply stood out. It was a small post, with the subject of "TROLL EXTERMINATION ORDER #BF34d.c5Fsd". The body of the post contained only the following line:
I thought to myself that it must have been a joke. There was no such thing as the slashdot troll review board. I hit reply, and posted a stately comeback with the phrase 'FUCK YOU' in the subject line.
After going to the restroom, which thankfully, was within ten paces of my computer, I returned to my usual slashdot reloading. After several reloads, I heard a load thump upstairs.
Being concerned with the loud noise, I managed to heave my 380 pound body up the stairs. When I walked into the kitchen, I found my mother lying face down in a puddle of red goo. Horrified, I turned to run, but nearly fainted due to the exertion of walking up the stairs. Finally, I was overcome, and passed out just before the stairs.
When I came to, I caught a glint of something shiny in the corner of my eye. When my vision finally focused, I was horrified to discover that a huminoid robot was staring at me from across the room. It just stood there, its cold black cameras following my every move. In an instant, the robot was on its feet, rushing towards me with utmost precision. Before I could react, I felt the blunt force of unyielding T6 aluminum alloy as it connected with my gut. The force of the impact caused me to shit my pants, and black out once more.
When I came to once again, the pain was overwhelming. The robot was standing above me, staring at me. The room was silent, save for the hydraulic pumps providing vital pressure to the robot's actuators, accompanied by the whirring hard drives and miscellaneous fans. As the robot registered the fact that I had regained my senses, it swiftly moved once more into striking position.
Sheep Shagging? That would be New Zealand
--- Me Fail English? Thats Unpossible. - Ralph Wiggum
I wonder if I can walk into SCO's headquarters and walk out with every server in there... Then we'll all see what real asshats they are. Ohhh yeessssssss....
Now, of course, I had imagined what it would feel like, and I had watched a lot of porno and did a fair amount of masturbation, but the spectacular sensations of oral sex had really surprised me. As she sucked my cock for the first time, I was amazed by how much pleasure the warmth and the wetness gave me. Granted, she was inexperienced at this point and a little nervous, but things improved with time. One of the things that that I really enjoyed was, after sucking for a while, she'd stop for a bit and rub her face on my cock. The sensation of my already moist member rubbing against the smooth skin of her face was absolutely incredible.
Eventually, she became, and still is, quite the eager cocksucker. In fact, she has even swallowed a few times. The first time, we were lying on my bed watching a Twilight Zone marathon. Eventually, she must have gotten a little bored with that because she slipped under the covers and started rubbing her head in my lap, getting me aroused, which didn't take very long. She pulled out my cock, and began sucking vigorously while I watched Twilight Zone... truly a geek's paradise! Anyway, it didn't take long before I felt myself reaching climax, and at this point I reached down to pull her off of my cock, but much to my surprise she pushed my hand away and took my whole load in her mouth. She kept her mouth on my cock for a while, holding my hot load in her mouth, enjoying the role of a cocksucking slut.
An interesting thing about my girlfriend is that she enjoys sexual role-play, in a sense. She often asks me to force her to deep-throat my cock, and to slap her face a bit and tug on her hair. At first, I was a little surprised and even scared to do this, but after a while I found it rather enjoyable to feel so much control over my girlfriend. Besides, it's all play.
Anyway, our relationship is still going strong, as is the cocksucking... she can't seem to get enough of it! I am, however, a little disappointed that she refuses to let me penetrate her virgin cunt. This is mostly due to fear of pregnancy, though. She doesn't seem to trust condoms too much. I guess I can understand her paranoia about the risk, and I certainly don't want children either, but I would really enjoy the feel of my cock inside her tight, moist little cunt. Maybe someday...
it happened in australia not the US
"CESTA ASTRONOMY"
Maybe they got bored with their own sheep?
Farmer kills neighbours dog.
Child pleads to farmer "don't kill my dog sir!" when his boxer was seen chasing the farmers cattle.
Farmer shoots dog; thinks it is attacking his livestock.
Close up of dogs grave
The words "he was the best dog in world" seen on the tombstone.
The farmer was apparently unavailible for comment. He was away at a conference .
Good to see we focus on the important news stories.
Feed me a stray cat.
>it happened in australia not the US
Well, I'm plenty disgruntled when I don't get a monetary tip myself, and I deliver pizzas in Australia.
When I was a waiter at The Olive Garden, I actually despised the people who didn't leave a monetary tip because if it wasn't money, they gave the verbal tip: 'Thank you so much. We had a really good time'. When they are overly nice about thanking me, it was always a sure sign of either $2 or $0.
PS: Don't ever piss off the waiter. We are an angry bunch.
You can't legislate goodness. Let each to his own destiny, by will of his freely made choices.
If you care to visit the Chicago Manual of Style web site, you will find that in fact they do not put spaces before question marks:
f aq /cmosfaq.Quotations.html
http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org/
Moreover, if you look here:
http://www.press.uchicago.edu/Misc/Chicago/cmos
You find that the editors of the CMOS do not themselves put a space before a question mark (Search for "question" in the text).
I have yet to see any manual of style that recommends a space before any punctuation character. There are some that recommend two spaces after a colon or period (full stop, for you Brits), however, the Chicago Manual of Style recommends only a single space in both cases.
I suspect that the CMOS has changed its standard, or you are misremembering its guidelines.
1,3,7,9, Osama Ben Laden likes fucking little boys in the ass just fine.
And this is entirely the customers' fault, and not the companies', for failing to a) pay the staff a decent wage and b) tacking that cost onto the actual paper bill?
Maybe tipping in the UK and Europe isn't so frequent because we have a mandatory minimum wage which is acceptably high, as opposed to those US states that don't.
== Jez ==
Do you miss Firefox? Try Pale Moon.