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Microsoft Money Leads To Street-Legal Porsche 959s

Ken Greenebaum writes "Soon there will be a 'new' Porsche 959 racing down highway 520 in Redmond. This article in autoweek describes how Bill Gates, Paul Allen and Ralph Lauren teamed up with Bruce Canepa to make the 959 street legal. Best quote: Gates 'suggested to Canepa that perhaps they could federalize the car by buying a number of sacrificial 959s to "crash and test."' They modernized and increased the performance of the already super car to: 575HP making the 15 year old cars race to 60 in 3.3 seconds with a top speed of 215MPH."

16 of 585 comments (clear)

  1. well by toddhunter · · Score: 5, Funny

    suggested to Canepa that perhaps they could federalize the car by buying a number of sacrificial 959s to "crash and test."
    How about spending that crashing and testing time on windows instead???

    1. Re:well by Scorchio · · Score: 5, Funny

      But they're trying to find something that will crash faster...

  2. I would have thought... by tarquin_fim_bim · · Score: 4, Funny

    they'd have been crash testing Fords.

  3. And no Skyline? by Dancin_Santa · · Score: 5, Funny

    Microsoft Money doesn't help me buy anything. It does tell me that I'm way over budget and will be bankrupt within 3 months of the start of the fiscal year.

  4. The Fast and the Furious III by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Bill Gates in a Vin Diesel like role? The influence, the respect, the mystery...

    Robert Love as the guy undercover as the Porshe employee investigating Microsoft's under-the-table dealings with Porshe, to see if more than "Microsoft Money" is involved...

    Natalie "Hot Grits" Portman as his love interest who is also a Porshe racer...

    Steve Ballmer, who screams "On your mark, get set, go" over and over like the crazed monkey he is...

    Darl McBride running around, making sure the cars are using street-legal parts else pay him a special fee to make sure their cars don't "have problems" before a big race?

    Who knows... It wouldn't be any worse than if Hollywood tried to make this!

  5. Elsewhere... by mcpkaaos · · Score: 5, Funny

    John Carmack is seen hastily building a new rocket, loaded with weapons-grade plutonium, mumbling something about being "one-upped" about his Ferrari and some reference to a "last laugh".

    Easy, Ashcroft, I was kidding about the plut++++NO CARRIER

    --
    It goes from God, to Jerry, to me.
  6. It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit by commodoresloat · · Score: 5, Funny

    Once they heard Ford was switching to Linux they figured they had to do something to compete in the auto market.

    1. Re:It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit by hype7 · · Score: 4, Funny
      Best quote: Gates 'suggested to Canepa that perhaps they could federalize the car by buying a number of sacrificial 959s to "crash and test."'


      Ahhh, the sweet irony.

      Who better to get a Porsche to crash than Bill Gates?

      -- james
    2. Re:It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit by BLAG-blast · · Score: 5, Funny
      Who better to get a Porsche to crash than Bill Gates?

      It wouldn't be that bad, all you'd have to do is close all the windows and try again...

      --
      M0571y H@rml355.
  7. Too expensive by Powercntrl · · Score: 4, Funny

    I'd rather get a Honda Civic and cover it in Type-R stickers... With each one adding 5 extra horsepower, I'd surely end up with a faster car!

    --

    ---
    DRM is like antifreeze, to the MPAA/RIAA it's sweet, to the consumers it's poison.
  8. Re:Too bad for them... by mcpkaaos · · Score: 4, Funny
    ...what you want with such a car on North American roads?


    Well, we could have a Cannonball Run 3. We even have a modern day Dom DeLuise. Sorry Balmer, you brought it on yourself. I guess Gates could be Burt Reynolds, but I doubt he can grow a mustache.
    --
    It goes from God, to Jerry, to me.
  9. Linux Mechanic? by teamhasnoi · · Score: 4, Funny

    Sure, Bill, the brakes look great! Drive faster!

  10. Hmmm... by wetson · · Score: 5, Funny

    Gates 'suggested to Canepa that perhaps they could federalize the car by buying a number of sacrificial 959s to "crash and test."'

    ...so I assume they'll be installing Windows on them?

  11. Microsoft Money? by bastard42 · · Score: 5, Funny

    I had no idea MS Money was that good. Is anyone going to patch gnucach for this? Will I have to wait for Quicken to do it first?

    I mean, just think how useful it would be if I could have bills introduced into the Senate from my OSS program anytime I couldn't legally use (or afford) something. Hell, maybe they could implement it for the EU as well. That would be kick ass.

  12. Speeding?????? by MonkeyPaw · · Score: 4, Funny

    "Soon there will be a 'new' Porsche 959 racing down highway 520 in Redmond."

    Speeding down 520? When? With all the traffic on that highway I think top speed is 15mph.

    --
    My studio - www.graylands.ca
  13. Re:tagging bills together by Scratch-O-Matic · · Score: 4, Funny

    In the UK our bills have a short title...

    Here in the U.S., our bills are required to have titles involving children, widows, or sick veterans.

    --


    Evil is the money of root.