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Xbox Boss Admits Mistakes, Bashes Nintendo
Thanks to C+VG for their interview with Microsoft's Peter Moore about the state of the Xbox, following on from their recent interview with fellow Xbox bigshot Ed Fries. In this piece, Moore talks about early problems for Microsoft's console, saying: "I look back at the first E3 Xbox had and it was an unmitigated disaster. But that was a wake-up call." He also discusses the company's rivalry with Sony, saying: "It's difficult to expect Xbox to challenge PS2 when the starting gun had gone off a year and a half before and it was already on the third lap", before turning on Nintendo: "I think Nintendo is surprised - it's kind of slipped away from them pretty quickly over the last couple of years. I don't think they really anticipated how well we would do in the business."
INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER.
You should install your nigger differently according to whether you have purchased the field or house model. Field niggers work best in a serial configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your nigger to another nigger immediately on unpacking it, and don't even think about taking that chain off, ever. Many niggers start singing as soon as you put a chain on them. This habit can usually be thrashed out of them if nipped in the bud. House niggers work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape. At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most owners use the same names over and over, since niggers become confused by too much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton, Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective names for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a ho, it should be called Latrelle, L'Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their nigger hoes Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names for nigger hoes. These names go straight over your nigger's head, by the way.
CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER.
Owing to a design error, your nigger comes equipped with a tongue and vocal chords. Most niggers can master only a few basic human phrases with this apparatus - "muh dick" being the most popular. However, others make barking, yelping, yapping noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should probably call a vet and have him remove your nigger's tongue. Once de-tongued your nigger will be a lot happier - at least, you won't hear it complaining anywhere near as much. Niggers have nothing interesting to say, anyway. Many owners also castrate their niggers for health reasons (yours, mine, and that of women, not the nigger's). This is strongly recommended, and frankly, it's a mystery why this is not done on the boat
HOUSING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make sure, however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of nigger food through. The rule of thumb is, four niggers per square yard of cage. So a fifteen foot by thirty foot nigger cage can accommodate two hundred niggers. You can site a nigger cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry about your nigger fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces of wood and digging an escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. Niggers never invented the shovel before and they're not about to now. In any case, your nigger is certainly too lazy to attempt escape. As long as the free food holds out, your nigger is living better than it did in Africa, so it will stay put. Buck niggers and hoe niggers can be safely accommodated in the same cage, as bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.
FEEDING YOUR NIGGER.
Your Nigger likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. You should therefore give it none of these things because its lazy ass almost certainly doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on porridge with salt, and creek water. Your nigger will supplement its diet with whatever it finds in the fields, other niggers, etc. Experienced nigger owners sometimes push watermelon slices through the bars of the nigger cage at the end of the day as a treat, but only if all niggers have worked well and nothing has been stolen that day. Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a killer, since all niggers steal something almost every single day of their lives. He reports he doesn't have to spend much on free watermelon for his niggers as a result. You should never allow your nigger meal breaks while at work, since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to teach a nigger to pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't ask. You have no idea.
MAKING YOUR NIGGER W
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Peter has the credentials to talk about this, for he used to work at Nintendo. He knows the ins and outs of what goes on in that company, so he has the right to speak up. To be honest, the Cube is a laughing stock with modern day gamers who are content with their Xbox or PS2 (I know I am).
As for the Xbox being 3rd overall due to Japanese hating the system, so what! I am an American gamer and I will buy what I think is worthwhile to me. It is silly to rely on Japan this day and age when the best selling and most acclaimed games are Western made! For example:
- GTA series
- Halo
- Knights of the Old Republic
- EA sports games including Madden and NCAA FB
What does Japan give us? More cookie cutter JRPGs like Final Fantasy and rehashes of old franchises (Castlevania anyone?).
I like my Xbox and PS2, and the Cube can die off if I care.
..you have a reason to like the Gamecube. From the viewpoint of a 20-something-year old:
* Luigi's Mansion - Is shit and was a poor excuse of a launch title.
* Super Mario Sunshine - Was on Gamespy's most "overrated" games list for bringing nothing new to the genre. Even it's creator didn't like it.
* Resident Evil (remake) - Thanks. Just what I wanted, a _remake_ of a classic Playstation game.
* Animal Crossing - Yawn.
* The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker - "Celda". Yawn. Looks worse than N64 Zelda.. no thanks.
* Super Smash Bros. Melee - No.
* Mario Party 4 - Double "No".
Which leaves the following:
* Resident Evil 0 - If you're a fan of the series, otherwise don't bother.
* Metroid Prime - if you're a Metroid fan, try. If you've ever played any other FPS - it is poor.
With games that totally ignore the main 15-25 demographic, it's not a suprise that the Gamecube is trailing the market. If you think they're doing well - then why did they stop making them? (FYI, Nintendo halted production of the Gamecube about 2 months ago).