Geek Eye for the Average Guy

Yxes writes "Fortune designed an experiment: give three geeks US$15,000 and three days to bring a family of four up to date with technology. The average family doesn't know which DVD player to buy or how to setup a wireless network. What happens when even the geeks can't get it to work?"

Comments

No Fair

[Sloppy]

3 days?! What a blatant anti-Gentoo bias!

Re:No Fair

[drivers]

you can have gentoo, kde, and gnome built in three days, easy. Hell, maybe even two days.

Because as we all know, gnome wasn't built in a day.

Some things for most people:

[DeadSea]

For the Audio Visual setup:

1. Get them down to one remote - Nice receiver, learning remote - properly programmed, buttons all labeled
2. DVR - TiVo or Replay TV, its a must have. Enable the 30 second skip button on the TiVo remote.
3. Adjust the TV properly - turn the sharpness the whole way down, go through all the test patterns and balance the colors.

For the computer:

1. Open source software - Install software from the Open CD, Linux if they are up for it..
2. Decruft the mouse and keyboard (although even most geeks could use this)
3. A decent home network, add more computers as needed.
4. A nice office chair and good ergonomics - switch them over to the dvorak keybord and make them practice.

For the kitchen:

1. Print out list of all pizza delivery options
2. Stock fridge with Mt. Dew and Guinness.

Personal grooming:

1. Pocket Protector ;-)

Re:Some things for most people:

[andyrut]

switch them over to the dvorak keybord and make them practice.

In three days? They'd have to have quite a bit of motivation to accomplish this - I'd suggest breaking one of the family members' hands and forcing them to learn right- or left-handed Dvorak.

Re:Some things for most people:

[ibpooks]

One of my co-workers uses a DVORAK keyboard. We, of course, ridicule him to no end.

Re:Some things for most people:

[Schwartzboy]

For some reason, I'm reminded of "Query Eye for the Database Guy" (anyone read Foxtrot? Bueller? Bueller?). Remember, a null pointer doesn't have to be a dull pointer!
But really....
"and stacks random CDs behind the TV and on top of the dryer."? *shudder*
Pearls before swine, says I.

Re:Some things for most people:

[atheken]

"I grew up learning querty (learned to touch type when I was 9 I believe)."

and they didn't teach you how to spell it?

QWERTY - it's on the keyboard if you've forgotten.

This is slashdot, of course I am going to split-hairs! :-D

Re:Some things for most people:

[Afrosheen]

Man, if you're gonna attempt to turn them into dorks, go all the way and move them into their parent's basement. THEN you can have some extra money in the budget for pron!

Re:Some things for most people:

[ikkonoishi]

Well it is a valid complaint. You do have to go out of your way to misspell qwerty.

Re:Some things for most people:

[Trigun]

You'd give him the finger too, if it weren't for that damned carpal tunnel.

Re:Some things for most people:

[jd]

Look, if I decrufted the keyboards and mice I've
used over time, they'd need to open up a new
landfill site.

The other thing you've got to teach them is that
if you pour coffee down the keyboard, it runs down
the wires and into the network, attracting spam.

Re:Some things for most people:

[ryanvm]

One of my co-workers uses a DVORAK keyboard. We, of course, ridicule him to no end.

I'll bet you guys and your anti-DVORAK jokes are a real riot.

Re:Some things for most people:

[bellings]

I don't get it. Why the hell would I want to program my remote?

I want a button that says "go".

I really don't care if I'm using VCR, Tivo, DVD, cable, broadcast, satellite, baby monitoring cam, or anything else.

I just want a "go" button.

After that, if I can fast forward, or rewind, or pause, or get a closeup, or change the volume, I suppose those buttons could light up, so that I know that they'll do something.

But, other than that, I'll be happy with "go".

Re:Some things for most people:

[CableModemSniper]

Even after finding all the codes to add the DVD, VCR, stereo, etc., the "mode" orientation of the remote drives me crazy.

So its EMACS then is it?

Re:Some things for most people:

[daeley]

And if you have a puppy, it will just LOVE the taste of it. I've discovered that puppies love to eat remote controls (because they smell people on them).

Which just goes to show, never, ever, ever trust your pets, especially the cute ones, because they will eat your entire family given half a chance.

Re:Some things for most people:

[Lev13than]

DVORAK isn't an acronym, it's a proper name. I don't think August Dvorak spelled his last name in capital letters.

I think it stands for Dumb Version Of Retardedly Arranged Keys.

Dear Fortune,

[teamhasnoi]

I enjoyed your article immensely, especially when the Geek starts calling everyone 'bitch'. However, I can't quite get the gist of it.

Please repeat your experiment of 4 guys installing 15,000 dollars of equipment at my house, so that I may understand *exactly* the trials of learning to use technology.

Many Thanks,
Teamhasnoi

Average Eye for the Geek Guy

[blchrist]

It should be the other way around. A group of average people can tell a geek how to shower. They can teach him that long greasy hair in a ponytail is not a fashion statement. They could even take him shopping to buy clothes that aren't just t-shirts with nerdy slogans or anime characters on them.

A grim outlook...

[Gefiltefish11]

"Ok, the first thing you need on your PC is Linux. And forget a GUI, you need to do everything in text. Windowed interfaces are so not cool. Once you're set up with this, we'll go to the de-tanning booth to get your skin a nice white pasty color..."

"But why..."

[Anonymous Coward]

"But why is my homepage www.slashdot.org? What is this site? What's it good for? Are there games? Oh wait, I see the games section!"

Re:"But why..."

[KillerHamster]

"And what's with all this Goatse stuff? What is that, anyway?"

*Click*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

Re:"But why..."

[dr_dank]

What are "these" and why should I be imagining a beowulf cluster of them?

Re:"But why..."

[Patrick Lewis]

You forgot the "AAAAH! MY EYES! MAKE THE BURNING STOP!"

foogely foogley stupid lameness filter...

Re:"But why..."

[IIRCAFAIKIANAL]

Heh, I just thought of how the movie "The Ring" could have been ten times scarier.

"When you see the Goatse... you die."

Alright, but only if...

[Neuracnu Coyote]

...the last few paragraphs of the forthcoming Fortune article are dedicated to the team of geeks sitting around a monitor on the other side of town, packet-sniffing the new network for leaks and shreeking at what horrible things the new users are doing to the whole system.

Requirements?

[Rick the Red]

No wonder the project failed. Where was the Requirements Document? The simple statement: "bring a family of four up to date with technology" is not a proper requirement. Did they want to make home movies? Send email to Grandma? Walk in the house and have the lights turn on automatically? What were they trying to do with that $15k?

Re:Requirements?

[Wakkow]

Here's the requirements from the article:

"really, all they wanted to do was send digital pictures of the kids to Grandma."

Of course, it continues on with:

"Heistad came back with a shopping list that would get them that, plus a home theater, a wireless network, new computing, a tricked-out music system, and GPS positioning capabilities"

HA! You think a group of geeks would only buy a camera and maybe a new PC? HA! GPS is definitely needed to send photos to grandma.

Re:Requirements?

[willith]

GPS is definitely needed to send photos to grandma.

Well, what if you can't find Grandma?

programmed my vcr

[avandesande]

I was pretty proud of myself, i set the clock on my vcr. Too bad a blown lightbulb tripped the circuit breaker. Now its flashing 12:00 again.

Re:programmed my vcr

[The Mayor]

I've got my TiVo, VCR, & TV on a UPS. That solves the flashing 12:00 problem most of the time.

Hmm.

[grub]

Does the $15,000 include the $699 for SCO?

$15,000

[BlackBolt]

$15,000 = ONE REALLY FAST POWERMAC G5.

Buy it and you're done. Everything else is uncivilized.

Daylight savings time

[MountainLogic]

Mine blinks 11:00 now

Easy universal answer

[Rosco P. Coltrane]

What happens when even the geeks can't get it work?

Blame it on Windows : it always works with budget overruns as well as questions about technical problems. Tell the family you told them about Linux but they wouldn't hear. Make sure you use a patronizing tone.

Simple!

[AndroidCat]

If the avarage family doesn't anything about the stuff or how to install it, they won't miss it if they don't have it.

1. Install cardboard box with "Really Neat Box!" written on it.
2. Pocket $15,000.
3. ???
4. Profit!

(I think ??? involves running away very fast, but doesn't it always?)

Re:If that's geeky, then you can have it.

[Xerithane]

Which is more impressive: owning a lot of expensive hardware, or turning outdated junk into useful tools?

Translation: Having a bigger dick, or knowing how to use it?

Linux for the Average Guy

[barryfandango]

[Geek] Okay, now you're running Linux! Your computer will run faster and be more stable. Also it's politically and morally superior, and the software is all free!

[AverageGuy] Awesome, thanks! So what games are on here?

[Geek] I have to go now.

I can just see it now

[Risto]

>There isn't time to order a new PC from Dell
>--the geeks' PC maker of choice--
>so they head to Best Buy and pick up
>a $679 HP Pavilion Home PC.

Now what kind of geek would do something like that
It should have read:

There isn't time to order 100 RM1-4U cases from Koolance --the geeks' waatercooling provider of choice--
so they head to the industrial compound and get an industrial fan to cool down the Beowulf cluster of
the bleeding edge AMD Athlon 64 systems that they plan to blow the $15,000 on.

Damn, it's time for lunch when...

[justMichael]

You read the end of the article as

They pause. Ross fingers his goatse...

instead of

They pause. Ross fingers his goatee...

Damn you /.

Queer Eye + Geek Eye = ????

[teamhasnoi]

"Helloooo...1997 called, they want their Moo Cow Gateway back!"

"You call this a wireless mouse? More like a wireless HOUSE!"

"Hmm. I like what you've done with this cabling - it's very Feng-Schwing!"

"I hope you're going for a grainy, 'Kiss me Deadly' sort of thing with this greyscale monitor!"

"Nice X-Box! Can we move in? And the controllers...I haven't seen anything that big since we did Kevin Mitnik..ss house... ahem.."

Sounds like fun but ...

[JSkills]

I'd end up being one of the geeks of course - and that has some inherent problems. I've ended up performing a service like this for many of my family and friends (helping to choose and set up computers, stereos, and home theatre systems, etc.) The problem is the fact that you now become the defacto tech support person for a group of people you basically like (friends and family). But being a tech support person makes you dread the ring of the phone and basically not want to talk to any of them any more.

Hopefully, the geek-eye guys have unlisted phone numbers ...

Coming next week on TDC/TLC

[irving47]

MONSTER DATA CENTER!

Suggested Steps Towards Geekdom

[Eberlin]

Instant Street Cred:

1. Install Linux on a killer laptop (slackware or gentoo for brownie points)
2. Get decent entertainment center (TV, DVD, PVR, speakers)
3. Get a dvd movie collection stocked with LoTR, Matrix, BTTFuture, Monty Python, Alton Brown cooking DVD's, Star Wars (only to comment on how much of a sell-out Lucas is), and if you're l337, RevolutionOS and Freedom Downtime.
4. Get a handful of books. O'Reily ones. None of that "For Dummies" series except if it's the RH9 one written by Mad Dog.
5. Get them on Slashdot...but PLEASE initiate them with AYB, Beowulf Clusters, In Soviet Russia, Welcoming Overlords, Profit!, etc.
6. If the Slashdot crowd doesn't already get them to do it, have them chant Microsoft Sux and SCO Sux until they absolutely wholeheartedly believe it.
7. Abuse them by asking them to fix their relatives' computers and explain to their AOLer friends what FTP is.
8. ...ah screw it, you can't TEACH geekdom.

GPS?

[donutz]

HA! You think a group of geeks would only buy a camera and maybe a new PC? HA! GPS is definitely needed to send photos to grandma.

GPS: Know your exact location in your own home!

Without GPS:
Wife: "Kids, dinnertime!"
(no answer)
Husband: "Maybe they're in the toy room, dear!"

With GPS:
Wife: "Kids, dinnertime!"
(no answer)
Husband: "Kids are at 33 56' 52" N, 118 8' 5" W, dear!"

How it might go....

[davidsheckler]

Just think of the fun!

Joe Technophobe: "There's muh cumputer, it's uh winders three kind, but the cup holder
on it is durn broke".

Techno Geek1 : "Dear god, something from the Jurasic period, Just look at this fossil, a 286SX
and the cdrom, I mean 'cup holder is jammed with... , oh no that's sooo
sooo soooo very wrong.'

Techno Geek2 : "There are wires everywhere, have you even heard of zip strips? Keeps your layout
nice and tidy, and you don't even have to trip over them."

Techno Geek3 : "Let's talk about Product, it's all about the preparation and the hardware,
I think we can get you a nice durable all steel case, that's coffee proof and
and with lots and lots of RAM."

Techno Geek4 : "You god damned ignorant hilljack! How can you treat hardware this way, didn't
your mother teach you to wear anti-static wrist guards? Where did you grow
up? The third world?"

Joe Technophobe: "Nope, uh work fer Marketing in the Racing business"

Techno Geek2 : "Say no more, well take it from here"

Re:Not real geeks

[Lawbeefaroni]

...for the story.

$15k wasted

[r_j_prahad]

These turds blew $15,000 on gizmos and gadgets for a family that only wanted to send pix of the kids to Granny? Talk about scope creep....

Advertise that you just got $15k worth of gear...

[Psmylie]

Who wants to lay bets as to when they first get robbed?
Did they get them some high-tech security?

the geeks

[corian]

What happens when even the geeks can't get it work?

If that happens, they send someone out to buy them a preposition.

This isn't a show.

[Elvisisdead]

It's me at my parent's house.

Stupid.

[Gannoc]

So for a family of complete techo-illiterates, they bought a PC _and_ a Mac. That way they'll never figure out how to use anything. Bravo.

nice terms

[Anonymous Coward]

"He explains the difference between "slurping" (video), "ripping" (music), and "shoving" (the camera's media card into the PC media server)".

"a Linksys Wireless Ethernet Bridge. (Those in the know refer to the last item as a "Wet 11." Naturally.)"

With terms like that, who needs females? oh wait..I forgot this is slashdot

What's that?

[dmayle]

"The PC sports a 2.08GHz XP processor"

XP processor, what's that? Is that what I use to run Windows 97 for my Outlook Explorer?

Re:I call BS

[swilver]

...suggesting Apex to your friends or family will just make sure they don't ask you for your advice ever again...

That's perfect, I'll recommend it to all my friends and relatives right away!!

Re:Easy.

[orpheus2000]

Fucktard, RTFA. That's what they *did*!

They got DSL, Powerbook G4, Airport Extreme, 2 TiVo's, plasma tv, and yes a killer sound system (among many other things).

They failed in their execution only with the remotes. That's the "it" in your quoted text.