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Kazaa Sues Record Labels
dannyp writes "CNN is reporting that Kazaa is suing the record companies, claiming that they used an illegal client to log in to the P2P network - an interesting twist." The lawsuit also claims "...efforts to combat piracy on Kazaa violated terms for using the network."
I am the Great Bear. Mother Russia owns you. Respect it! Kazaa sucks. Steal your music the old fashioned way - by recording your farts.
That's right, smell them!
Version 1.0 / M
America, eh folks? It's a pretty screwed up place. Unfortunately, but not indefinitely, the USA's weapons of mass destruction make it the most powerful country in the world (militarily). As a result, it helps to be aware of American society and fit into it, and our quick 8-step guide should have you on the path to burger-munching enlightenment.
1 - Buy yourself a gun
To become a fully-fledged Yank, you'll need to get a weapon. Americans think that having more killing machines magically makes their country safer, and it helps them to walk around saying "I'll put a cap in your ass". Even though the concept of "no guns = no gun-related crimes" is alien to the average Yank, it'll give you a false sense of security in this country with the highest crime rates in the developed world.
2 - Put on at least 25 stone
Skinny? Medium? Chubby? That won't cut it in the good ol' US of A. Because America has the highest obesty levels on the planet, you'll need to get those rolls of flab built up. Eating 18 waffles with Maple syrup for breakfast (and visiting Burger King five times in a day) is all natural when much of the world is suffering massive poverty. Get fat and fit in.
3 - Learn the lingo
We've talked about issues affecting society, but on a personal level you'll need more knowledge (or ignorance as it may be) to fit in. First, forget proper English. Confuse "your" with "you're". Say "must of" instead of "must have". Whenever anything interesting occurs, say "shucks" repeatedly. Instead of clever spontaneity or witty insults, call people "asswipes". It's funny!
4 - Throw away all maps, history books etc.
To really feel a part of American society, you must lose all knowledge of the world. Forget where Poland is. Scrap your knowledge of the lengthy Chinese history. Make cretinous remarks like "India? Is that in Africa?". Because ALL that matters is America, and it doesn't matter how pathetic you look to educated people the world over.
5 - Become totally irrational and nonsensical
Spout on about the Constitution, and then make drastic changes to it. Talk about "freedom of speech" and watch TV programmes about the Ku Klux Klan. Rant on about market freedom, and sit back as companies run riot and destroy the economy with their anti-competitive practices. Essentially, act idiotic at all times.
6 - Sue everyone you ever meet
The USA doesn't produce many decent quality products, so the society is crumbling into a litigation-happy joke. With so many jobs going overseas to talented workers, your only option left is to start legal proceedings. About anything. Someone step on your toe? Get some hotshot downtown lawyer to sue their ass!
7 - Get a "shrink"
Americans have a hard time dealing with their own problems in a mature manner, and prefer to spend hundreds of dollars sitting in front of someone and whinging. However trivial your problems may be, blast them out like a baby!
8 - Watch abysmal TV
Forget educational programmes and incisive documentaries. Your ideal night in is with your gun, six cheeseburgers and a Friends box set. Watch as some over-paid talentless "actor" enters the scene, and whoop and scream hysterically as he delivers some ridiculously poor wisecrack.
So there you have it! Those 8 steps should have you killing innocent people, piling on pounds and acting like a moron in no time. America awaits you, brave hero! Just get out before it collapses in disarray.
END
By fark.
You guys may as well give up.
...how to brush our teeth, bathe, and use deodorant, you stinky, snaggle-toothed uglies. And maybe we're fat because our food doesn't taste like shit. British cuisine is an oxymoron.
A: Because Jared from Subway used to be a fat shit but isn't anymore and he did it by eating nothing but Subway subs. The fat Star Wars kid is still fat.
Chiggers have tiny claws that allow them to attach tightly onto people and animals. Once attached, they are able to pierce the skin and inject their saliva, which contains digestive juices that liquify skin cells. The chigger then slurps up the liquified skin cells. To the chigger, this is a tasty meal! Having a chigger do this is very irritating to your skin.
Know that we, of slashdot, have deemed ye to
Be a failure under bylaws regarding
the presence of homosexuality on this board.
In addition, ye have been known to perpetrate
faggotrous acts of the highest order against
the good people of this place, and heretofore
shall suffer incarceration in the Grover North
American Amnestry house for a period of no less
than three weeks, or however long it takes
for you to have windows uninstalled from your
home computer and have a fat black cock rammed into your bum. Ye who have contested us
in the past, such as those known as the TrollKore
will be vanquished by the armies of righteous
heterosexuality. So it is written, so it shall
be done.
In this corner in the white shorts it's the D!M!C!A!
and in the very dark corner in the very dark bondage suit it's the D!M!C!A!(RIAA)
Lets get r-r-r-r-r-eady to r-r-r-umbleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Warning in advance: this comment is sorely off-topic with regard to the story. It's meaningful in context of the above comment /^\.
If you read the majority of the +5, Funny comments, the Newspeak aspects of Slashdot society become apparent. Instead of posing concrete, meaningful arguments, people write:
1) (corporate action taken to be unfavorable)
2) (another bad thing)
3) ???
4) PROFIT!
Or, in a Linux/SCO article, they make a bad SCO pun (SCOurge! Stupid Corporate Organization! et cetera).
Or see the above "In Soviet Russia / Kazaa sues the record companies" comment.
Or (I confess) in a Microsoft-sues-John-Ashcroft article, they make a "dude, who do we trust now?" comment. Metacommentary can get trite too.
You're absolutely right that nothing's black and white. Indeed, that was my point--and, if you look at many of the above comments on this story, they've missed that point. ("Its about fucking time. / I'm glad there's some legal action going the other way for once.")
The point is that Kazaa (which has done some pretty messy things in the past, like the aforementioned C&D letter to Google) is using bad legislation (DMCA) for a good purpose (screw with the RIAA). It's kind of like when the US government used the PATRIOT Act against PayPal -- one infringes civil liberties, the other launders money; what do you do?
If you're Kazaa Lite and you want any legitimacy within the US (I'm not sure they do), you pray that the RIAA wins this case. Yikes.
Also offtopic: I call Godwin's Law, but Hitler wasn't much of an artist. Check this out, and the main link.
We recently had heard in the office over one of the Yellow Machine that's made by Anthology Solutions.
In SOVIET RUSSIA, fucks shut up YOU!
No kidding. KGB = Committee of State Security. Sound familiar? Just change Committee to Department, and State to Homeland. :)
Clinton got a blowjob and lied about it.
Bush invaded a country under false pretenses.
There's quite a bit of difference.
Me.
Sig.i>