Slashdot Mirror
Building Better Spam
henbane writes "Cringely is plugging a new method of advertising from Dr. Jim Kowalick and Mario Fantoni. Their book entitled 'E-Mailing Your Way to Sales With
the Taguchi Approach' is out in the autumn. What could be worse than a method which increases the returns on spam?"
The return of Yoko Ono?
It is not our abilities that show what we truly are... it is our choices.
"Building Better Spam"
Less pork fat.
Coarser grinding.
More spices.
After reading the article I realized that I must be doing something wrong. I always click on every link in every email I get but still my penis hasn't gotten bigger, I don't have a horde of horny teens after me and I'm not rich.
What gives?
M
What could be worse than a method which increases the returns on spam?
Set someone's desktop picture and home page to be the goatse.cx guy. Truly evil, but it helped me train people to log off their machines when they weren't at their desks.
Trolling is a art,
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
What could be worse than a method which increases the returns on spam?
The choice is yours...
And here I thought rancid pork WAS spam...
You haven't sent me the $19.95 the e-mail requested, of course! Send me the money, and I promise I'll deliver the possiblity of perhaps maybe getting all your desires.*
(*note: "all your desires" is defined as "an e-mailed receipt** showing you paid $19.95 for penis enlargement.)
(**note: by "e-mailed receipt", we mean e-mailed to all your friends, relatives, and co-workers.)
Tired of unsolicited email belittling your manhood? The Executive Office of Adequacy (US Federal Trade Commission) is here to help.
Aparently, a new database similar to the No Call Registry allows you to register your organ as "Big Enough," after which spammers are not allowed to send you penis enlargement ads anymore.
Really, it should have been BigEnough.gov, but I guess "org" was too appropriate to resist.
...I was sure that the story was about the Tamagotchi method, and was wondering out little digital "pets" could possibly help ad return rates.
Then it hit me - what if all those little digital pets were WiFi enabled, and talking to each other? "Beep! Feed me! Beep! Go by a Ronco Turnip Twaddler!" Scary.
so, come early next year, i should have a medicine cabinet full of viagra, and a closet full of penis pumps? (disclaimer: i haven't been convinced as of yet why i require either.)
*sigh* haven't we been through this before? You need a penis pump because you have a little dick, and women don't like little dicks. You need viagra because you're impotent--that means you can't keep your boner long enough to satisfy your woman.
Obviously, they've never actually profiled their audience. Or else they would find that my wife likes my little dick, and that when you consider that we're lucky if we find 5 minutes a week to have sex, then the ability to have a quick orgasm on both our parts is a blessing. (3 kids really takes away your opportunities for such things. Obviously, the fact that we have three kids means we didn't always have the time restrictions we do now, and that even as the time gets more restricted, we still find opportunities :) )
Like what I said? You might like my music