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How Were You Fired?

Posted by Cliff on from the informing-you-in-a-not-so-gently-manner dept.

IanBevan asks: "A couple of years ago, the company I was working for was taken over by a larger competitor. I was told, right up until the last minute, that my development job was safe. Shortly thereafter, our illustrious team leader issued a new project plan, and I discovered that all my tasks were suddenly due to finish in about one week's time. Not being a great believer in coincidence, I asked my boss if there was 'anything he would like to tell me'. Of course, there was. Looking back this seems quite amusing now, but it could certainly have been better handled by the PHBs. I was just wondering, how have other Slashdot readers discovered that they have become 'surplus to requirements'?"

9 of 399 comments (clear)

  1. Locked Doors by Breakerofthings · · Score: 5, Funny

    I arrived at work on the day of the layoffs to find the doors locked; the only door unlocked was the main entrance, staffed by security guards, inside and out. When I entered, there were processing tables, you told them your name, they told you which room to report to.
    So, I was escorted to the room, where the corp counsel was waiting; he went through my severance package: essentially 2 weeks salary IF I agreed to sign of saying I wouldn't sue them; I didn't, because It appeared to me that they were violating WARN ...
    The funny part: this guy then demanded my company ID, since it was company property. "Fine", I say, "after I retrieve my personal belongings from my desk." He says I can make an appointment to come get my stuff next week. I say "fine. You can likewise make an appointment to come by my house and get your ID next week." He says, you don't understand, we need your ID, it is ours. blah blah blah. End with "You don't understand: I am not turning it over until I get my stuff. You can't make me, and you can't threaten me; what are you going to do, fire me? It's a matter of principle, and there is no room for negotiation. Besides, I intend to get my stuff, today, regardless, so you can just make this easy on both of us and avoid an ugly situation if you just let me collect my belongings, which is what you SHOULD do anyway ..."

    I was escorted to my desk to get my stuff. Who knew that they wanted it back that bad? (I was the only one that left with a box; everyone else got a laugh out of that one...)

    1. Re:Locked Doors by RevAaron · · Score: 4, Funny

      Have you been fired *that* many times?

      --

      Working toward a usable PDA environment in the spirit of Newton OS: Dynapad
  2. Not fired, more like... abandoned. by trentfoley · · Score: 5, Funny

    In the early 1980's, I worked for a software spin-off of an engineering company that was going down the tubes rapidly. One Friday I went to work to find:
    1) A very polite policeman at the door.
    2) No electricity.
    3) No management people.
    4) Confused employees.
    5) An envelope at my desk with a check for 1/2 of my pay.
    6) On the memo line, it read: "WYSIWYG"
    7...
    8) no profit.

  3. divorce by LennyDotCom · · Score: 4, Funny

    My wife owned the company

    --
    http://Lenny.com
  4. I haven't by Second+Vampyre · · Score: 5, Funny

    I haven't been fired (yet) you insensitive clod. Posting on Slashdot at work certainly isn't helping though.

  5. Re:Nice by MikeXpop · · Score: 3, Funny

    Did that scumbag also steal your swingline stapler?

    Sorry, couldn't resist.

    --
    Etiquette is etiquette. He kills his mother but he can't wear grey trousers.
  6. It went something like... by wgnorm · · Score: 5, Funny

    Me: I, I, I, I, I didn't receive my paycheck this week.

    Boss: Uh, you're gonna have to talk to Payroll about that.

    Me: I, I did and they, and they said -

    Boss: Uh, we're gonna need to move you downstairs into Storage B.

    Me: No...I...I...

    Boss: Uh, we have some new people coming in and we need all the space we can get.

    Me: No...no...no...no...but...but...but...I, I, I -

    Boss: If you could just pack up all of your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific. See ya. (He walks away.)

    Me: I can't...Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler?

  7. Here's a quiz... by kwerle · · Score: 3, Funny

    I was a contractor and my contract was up for renewal.

    I was asked to come to a meeting where my knowledge would be evaluated (job was dbase in the dos days).

    About the 2nd or 3rd question was: "How many files can you have open at one time [on a DOS system]?"

    To which I replied "Yer kidding, right? I have no idea, nor do I care. I've never hit it, but I know that there's an environment variable that will let me change it at boot time. Could we just skip the questions that don't matter and could be looked up trivially?"

    My "boss" wasn't impressed - mostly embarrassed, I hope. Anyway, I wasn't renewed, which was fine by me :-) Three months working for the moron was more than enough.

  8. Re:I was by greenhide · · Score: 3, Funny

    probably went something like this...

    *phone rings*
    Matt: Hello?
    VP: Hey there, Matt...so, what are you wearing?
    Matt: *vomits noisily*
    VP: That's it *pouts* You're fired.

    --
    Karma: Chevy Kavalierma.