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Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation
Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation mimics a write-in advice column, in which anthropomorphised animals of all kinds ask for help with their sex lives. That is just the framework, however, for an entertaining tour of the natural history and evolutionary biology of sex. Pretty much every aspect of animal sex is at least touched on, though the "all creation" of the title is an exaggeration -- there's only the occasional reference to plants and bacteria, with nothing (for example) on the fascinating topic of pollination.
The columns are grouped thematically in thirteen chapters, divided into three parts. Part one covers the "expenses" involved in sex, female promiscuity, conflicts between males, and alternative strategies for those who are poor and small. Part two covers sex and cannibalism, sex and violence (male and female), love potions and homosexuality, and monogamy. And part three looks at incest, at hermaphroditism, facultative sex and other variants, and at asexuality and theories for the evolution and persistence of sex.
Each column typically runs to four or five pages, beginning with a question.
Dr. Tatiana never answers directly, but looks around first at other species with similar or related problemsDear Dr. Tatiana,
I'm an Australian redback spider, and I'm a failure. I said to my darling, "Take, eat, this is my body," and I vaulted into her jaws. But she spat me out and told me to get lost. Why did she spurn the ultimate sacrifice?
and sets the question in a broader context"... most guys prefer not to be eaten at all. ... In the scorpion Paruroctonus mesaensis, the male whacks his partner several times before racing off; in the wolf spider Lycosa rabida, the male tosses his lover in the air, leaving her in a crumpled heap as he hurries away.
... In the bristle worm Nereis caudata, something similar goes on but for once it's the man who eats his wife.
... Do other males eat their mates? I have never heard of it. But note: this is not to say males don't eat females. They do. Just not during sex. Platonic cannibalism is a problem for creatures from apes to amoebae. It's depraved out there."
before finishing with the answer, if there is one."... It goes without saying that such a death wish can evolve only in special circumstances. That is, being eaten must mean you leave more offspring than if you are spared. So far, your species is the only one known to meet this criterion. A male redback who gets himself munched fertilizes more eggs than a male who survives. Why? ... it turns out that sex takes longer when she's chewing away on you, which gives you the chance to deliver more sperm and thus fertilize more eggs. So your challenge is to make yourself more appetizing."
Links to many different areas of biology are explored."The secret is picking your moment. Female redbacks aren't greedy; when they're not hungry, they don't eat. If you offer yourself right after she's feasted, forget it. You've got to wait until she gets that mean and hungry look in all eight of her beady little eyes. And then, for what you are about to receive, may your kiddies be truly thankful."
And for those who want to follow up specific topics in the technical literature, there are thirty pages of notes, giving annotated references for each column, with pointers into a forty page bibliography. (Though a short recommended reading list of non-technical popular works on evolution would have been a more useful inclusion for most readers.)"Lysin, the protein that determines whether an abalone sperm can enter an abalone egg, is evolving at record speed. Tantalizingly, abalone are also splitting into new species at a startling rate."
Sex Advice to All Creation assumes no background in biology, and there's the occasional wordy or repetitive explanation. But even scientists for whom the evolutionary biology is old hat are likely to find some new details in the natural history. The chatty tone and the framing conceit of an advice column -- extended in the last chapter to a mock television show -- remain entertaining and decorative, never pushed so far they become annoying or distort the science.
"If you are not a hermaphrodite, incest is best if you come from a species where males have only one set of genes. If you're not a member of such a species, I urge you to avoid sex with your nearest and dearest."
You can purchase Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation from bn.com. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
put your pants back on. youre all gonna burn in hell for this!
I'm all thankin', golly, who don't know how ta sex up a barnyard aminal 'fore they even learns themselfs to read? Who gonna buy this book?
:)
But this book looks ta gots lotsa other stuff. I's gonna saves up fer this book fer lernin some new tricks fer 'Ms. Piggy.'
--Cleetus
How thoughtful of you to provide an associate's link so you can get the commission. There is a word for you, and the word is spammer.
Mother is the best bet and don't let Satan draw you too fast.
Ummm.. No one is going to assume you are a player because you read these websites.
Nor will anybody assume that you are a genius for reading slashdot.
I do the club scene a lot, some say I am a good dancer. I enjoy having a few drinks, usually ale or mead, and I have been known to cause a scene now and then...
;-)
Eric paused, breathing heavily. He'd never done this before and he wanted to make sure all of his best qualities were included in this email.
I am a geek, to be frank, and I enjoy hacking UNIX and maintaining Open Source programs such as Felchmale^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HFetchmail and a bevy of FAQs regarding 386 sound internals and role-playing games. I've been doing this for 15 years though I've never held a job in my life.
Eric wondered if this woman he had found on match.com would be impressed with his talents. He decided to put more detail into the message.
I recently drove 24 hours straight, with but two stops for gasoline, from Pennsylvania to Kansas City in an effort to destroy my two arch-nemeses. I would have succeeded except that I blew a head gasket as I was about to shoot one of them from my moving car on Route 69. I am an excellent shot and love guns in general.
ESR pondered for a moment, wringing out his soaked handkerchief, and continued with his typing.
So what languages do you know? I fancy myself quite an accomplished amateur linguist and know Anglo-Saxon and Old Icelandic inside and out. I often compose little riddles in them for fun and mental exercise. In fact, I'll include one for you now!
Chewing on his tongue and squinting, Eric pushed his mind into overdrive and produced a beauty of a riddle on the spot:
Windeth I towarde the skye
I haveth eye but blinde am I
Pleased with his linguistic talents, undoubtedly matched by no one, Eric then asked his potential love-conquest:
Can you guess the answer to that? In case you can not, the correct answer is "my erect penis." I hope you enjoyed that; I do this sort of thing all the time.
Eric exhaled slowly and rubbed his belly. It was growling and no doubt wanted its nightly bottle of Jagermeister. He decided to finish up the email in anticipation of the coming alcoholic stupor.
Well I don't want to make this email too long-- I have a lot of responsibilities in real life to deal with. My role-playing group is coming over and we are spending the next week holed up in the forest near my home in character playing out a possible scenario from Beowulf. I need to get dressed up and I can not find my bear-claw mittens.
Eric wondered how to wrap up the email, something that would hook the lady on him and make her want more...
I hope we can meet and have sex. Despite my cerebral palsy, I am a monster in the sack! Maybe you'll get to see for yourself, LOLOLOL!
Love,
Eric S. Raymond
HOW IS THIS A TROLL? Mr. Clippy makes a good point! This story is off topic for slashdot. If the reviewed book was Scientific Support for Creationism, Clippy would have been modded Insightful.