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'Matrix Revolutions' Opens Today
shelleymonster writes "The Matrix Revolutions was released worldwide at 9 AM EST today. With a running time of 2 hr. 9 min., I'm expecting the /. reviews to start pouring in around 11:30. Since critics are saying things like, "Matrix finale could put you back in a coma," and, "The final episode is a slam-bang, dreary mess," I'm curious to hear some real fans' reactions." Many readers have pointed to the BBC's review; they were not amused. Were you? Update: 11/05 17:17 GMT by T : Read on for one reader's (spoiler-free) first impression.
wickedweasel writes "Just came from one of the first showings of Matrix: Revolutions (Germany, don't know why, but it started 2:30 pm here) and came by to drop some comments (no spoilers). To cut it short: not even close to the first one, and honestly spoken way worse than the second one (which wasn't _that_ bad). The ones looking for cool action will hardly find any, neither will the ones who came for the story (like me) be satisfied. Only a few good scenes in and around Zion, some quite big plot holes and unfinished threads and, most important, an unsatisfying end, to say the least. I guess I'll be flamed for my opinion by the die-hard-fans, but hear this: I once considered myself one too until I saw this."
I must have ADD. It's a bad movie to watch if you have ADD.
You can't just review it. You have to realize... there is no movie.
"The Wachowski brothers have delivered a dud so disappointing, they may as well have bussed in Ewoks to save Zion"
"So disappointing they may as well have bussed in Ewoks to save Zion."
Made me laugh.
This post cannot be rebroadcast without the express written constent of Major League Baseball.
joo R teh 1nf0rm471v3!
post a .torrent for it.
You forget, this is /. and waiting to see the movie before reviewing it would be like reading the article before commenting on it.
-cp-
President Bush to Liberate Alaska
Too bad I didn't think of this, but I thought it deserved to be here on Slashdot in case you don't read everything: You mean it doesn't end with Keanu Reeves waking up, turning to Alex Winter and saying "Bill, I just had a most excellent dream!"? Shame.
> and Trinity is really a man.
And his name is Chad.
The critics hated "Citizen Kane", "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Star Wars" at the time.
But the critics also hated "Gigli", "The Real Cancun" and "From Justin to Kelly".
Ita erat quando hic adveni.
with ted waking up,
"whoa, that was a most excellent dream"
*guitar solo*
all you are, is all you are, i'm so sorry for you.
He said it sucked. Kinda spoils it I recon.
Hmm... Ewoks don't sound that bad, especially if there could be a scene where Agent Smith takes on Jar Jar Binks!
You had what in what?
i don't like my old sig.
Agent Smith is Neos Father... enough said...
The big secret is that itturns out that there IS a spoon!
Thanks to the Wachowskis rather brilliant blending of pop culture, Campbell, Jung, Christianity, and Buddhism, they're movies that can resonate with people on so many different levels.
Which of these two definitions of "brilliant" did you mean:
2. (Print.) The smallest size of type used in England printing. [1913 Webster]
3. A kind of cotton goods, figured on the weaving. [1913 Webster]
Because I know you didn't mean the first definition for it.
Where does that leave movies with subtitles? :-)
"Fewer overt religious overtones."
You, sir, are quite obviously smoking crack. The only way they could have made more religious overtones is if Neo decided to dress like the Pope. I mean seriously man, the second one left things up for interpetation.. "Is Zion still in the matrix, or does Neo really have magic powers outside of the matrix now?".. and now he's the second coming of christ. Fan fucking tastic.
Dark. City. You. Mean. The Movie. Where. Keifer. Sutherland. Talks. Like. This. And. Is. More. Annoying. Than. That. Kid. In. The. Wheelchair. In. Malcolm. In. The. Middle?
It was lame because they didn't use Gentoo for the Matrix! The architect would probably not even have to worry about restarting it if he wasn't using some lame AILiberatedBSD for his Beowulf. Stupid architect. Gentoo rules OK.
Marxist evolution is just N generations away!
i guess the subliminal messages planeted in the movies works.
all you are, is all you are, i'm so sorry for you.
The final two installments of the Matrix remind me of poi. Poi, for those of you not familiar with it, is a pudding like concoction made in Hawaii (I believe from taro root) and served at luaus. While attending my first luau some years ago, I was urged to try the poi, despite it's lutefisk like reputation so that I could "impugn it with authority". And so, like so many other things which are inexplicably popular, I will be making a trip to the local cinema (for a matinee) so I can authoritatively tell everyone just how bad it was.
bance.net
Ebert and Roeper's review sounds pretty well-balanced. They were both fans of the original, and see Revolutions as a good action flick, but not much in the way of a big-idea movie. (minor spoilers about what you knew was coming anyway). Ebert remarks, "by the end, I was satiated."
.mp3 gets them some geek points anyhow.
I didn't know what to make of Ebert until I watched Dark City with his commentary, then Citizen Kane. The guy knows what he's talking about. At least his opinions are largely compatible with mine, and probably the artsy-geek set at large.
Posting their reviews in
My God, it's Full of Source!
OUTSIDE_IP=$(dig +short my.ip @outsideip.net)
Just got back from the 6:00am showing of the movie and I was pretty impressed.
You probably fell asleep 20 minutes into it and dreamed a better movie. It's the only explanation.
(where Neo and Trinity find out that Agent Smith and the Oracle are one and the same, and both were bought out and installed in the Microsoft/Borg hive mind, 'cause by this time, bgates owns ALL the money in the world!!!)
People are complaining about the plot spoiler at the BBCs' site. As far as I could see, the plot started to spoil part-way thru eposode 2.
I just watched it, thank goodness for time difference and living in the far east. Ok, here are the spoilers.
1. Neo and Agent Smith beat the shit out of each other.
2. Neo and Trinity kiss. Many times.
3. Locke thinks Morpheus is a lunatic
4. The sentinels lay waste to Zion's defense.
5. Persephone was really cute.
6. The Oracle bakes more cookies
7. There is no spoon.
MUST NOT READ THREAD...
Must not...
<struggles with mouse>
Aw, crap!
Key to financial independence: Spend less than you earn. Save and invest the difference. Do it for a long time.
In the Matrix, all three of the Matrix movies would have rocked.
I think the poster meant that if you are
going to waste several years of your life
being tortured in operant conditioning until
you are forced to master encoding and
decoding ideas scratched onto mashed tree
pulp with a soft rock using an incredibly
redundant and perversely obscure encoding
mechanism, then you've got a lot of
subjective motivation to claim that others
who haven't endured the same pointless agony
are somehow inferior to yourself.
-I like my women like I like my tea: green-
I saw it in Westwood (a trendy part of Los Angeles) and there was a video crew filming fan reactions outside the theater.
"Give us your opinion of the movie," they asked.
I replied, "How about this, I give you the finger, and you give me my $9.75 back."
I suspect I won't make the final edit for the commercial.
__ Someday, but not this morning, I'll finally learn to use the preview button.
Then again, revolution implies an attempt at change and then ending up back at the start. Think 'revolve'.
-- DrZaius - Minister of Sciences and Protector of the Faith
Carlin kicks a$$ in that scene.
for the last time people, I am "frodo from middle eaRTH", not "middle eaST".
The only question Reloaded raised to me was "why the hell did I spend $7 on this crap." Once I see Revolutions, the answers sure to be clear. "Because it's a Matrix movie, you damn fool!"
Wise men say, "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."
But that's Hollywood for you - you can't just make one great movie and leave it alone. You have to squeeze every dollar out of the franchise while you can!
:-(
I agree. Last time I was at a bookstore, I even noticed that Lord of the Rings, this masterpiece of an epic, is already out in book form.
Pathetic what lengths commercialization will go to these days. There's just no leaving good movies alone anymore.
You don't bang a dominatrix. If you're lucky, you get banged by her. :-)
"People who do stupid things with hazardous materials often die." -- Jim Davidson on alt.folklore.urban
And if there's one thing NO ONE wants to see, it's wrinkly old Palpatine nak...oh, wait - wrong franchise.
Obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH, and DENNIS.
... is if Trinity or Persephone get NEKKID in this one?
"Obviously, I'm not an IBM computer any more than I'm an ashtray" (Bob Dylan)
If you really wanna read this whole thread, go ahead but, here it is in a nutshell.
1. 98% of the posts say, "The new flick isn't as good as the first one (no shit?, one asks).
2. You could say the readership of slashdot is split almost evenly as to whether or not it's better than the second.
3. Bunch of posts saying hollywood sux.
4. Will there be another Matrix movie and money making media releases?
5. Some asswipe who wasn't modded down to hell for saying Glendale CA rocks in response to a post by a user who says they saw the new flick in Glendale.
6. If you're reading this much Matrix material on slashdot, you should burn pictures of 'Trinity' under your mattress and take a shower.
7. If you're writing this list, jesus go away bitter old man thoughts...
8. A Star Wars / Matrix / Lord of the Rings is better flamewar/circlejerk.
9. Someone probably suggesting they do an edit to the Matrix trilogy removing Neo like they did with Jar-Jar Binks.
10. People bitching that they should do an apt-get/emerge/beowulf parallel compile on their freebsd based G5 cluster with --Matrix-Flags=disable-neo-fuck-scenes.
In Soviet Slashdot, sigs are posts and non-sigs are sigs.
Stop the Slashdot effect! Don't read the articles!
The Chad was great...
That's great....but it still has to have a plot and character development that means something...
I can say my pile of crap in the toilet is named Machiovelli, and you should fear my pile of crap, but in the end...its still a pile of crap...
"But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong" - Dennis Miller
At least there was no dumb awkward talking creature saying things like
"Me wanna help protect Zion."
-
Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, find / -name '*base*' |xargs chown -R us && mv zig greatjustice
"Personally, I was hoping that the matirx and the humans were ALL the creation of an advanced AI program at MIT"
Why just hope, when you can contribute?
To hell with that!
I, for one, welcome our naked, wrinkly, Palpatine overlord.
Yes, this movie really sucks (Mod me up too!)
why,oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?!
Return of the Matrix -- The Sequel, Episode $$$
... Neo! Yousa da one!
... are a disease. And I -- we -- are the cure.
Scene I
Setting: In the swamps of Zion.
Morpheus: [ with much spit and slobber ]
B-b-b-b-b
Neo: [ questioningly ]
Dude?
Morpheus:
Yousa gonna teach Z-z-z-zion howza fight! B-b-b-b-b-b!
Neo: [ righteously ]
Dude.
Trinity:
Help us, Johnny Mnemonic! You're our only hope!
Neo: [ emphatically ]
Dude!
Scene II
Setting: In the Matrix world, which looks suspiciously like Rivendell placed on the Forest Moon of Endor.
Agent Smith:
Hobbits
Neo: [ puzzled ]
Dude?
[ Agent SMITH divides like an amoeba, but unsuccessfully. The second Agent MINI-SMITH is only 1/4 the size of the original. ]
Mini-Smith:
Ki-yii!
[ Uses martial arts to punch and kick NEO, along with the larger SMITH. ]
Neo: [ startled ]
Dudes!
[ Fighting ensues. At each punch at a SMITH, the SMITH divides into more MINI-SMITHS. The MINI-SMITHS mainly try to bite NEO's crotch. ]
Neo: [ pleading ]
Dudes!!??!!
[ All the population of ZION appears. Most of them look like Ewoks. Most of the Ewoks of ZION are wearing pink.]
Ewoks of Zion: [ caringly ]
Ooooo! They're so cute!!!
[ ZION swarms MINI-SMITHS ]
Mini-Smiths:
Nooooo!!
[ MINI-SMITHS run away; as they are beaten they are dividing into more MICRO-MINI-SMITHS on the way. ]
Neo: [ victoriously ]
Dudes!!!
SCENE III
Setting: A parade field in the landing bay of an Imperial Star Destroyer.
Trinity:
For bravery in the face of danger, and the best played game of 3D Tic-Tac-Toe Hogwarts has seen in many a year, I award you this diploma. No, wait, you get the medal.
[ TRINITY kisses NEO ]
Neo: [ lustily ]
Dudette!
Ewoks:
Awwww!
[ EWOKS break into joyous song of celebration. Roll credits. ]
SCENE IV
Setting: Theatre lobbies around the nation.
Audience: [ waving pitchforks and brandishing torches ]
We want our money back!
Wachowskis: [ laughing, on the way to bank ]
Ka-ching, suckers! Did you really think it would end any other way?
John
You mean the sixth coming of christ.
Oh wait, there was that original feller somewhere around the time we went from BC to AD... so Neo is the seventh coming of christ.
you should read everything on the internet as if it had "but I'm probably talking out of my ass" appended to it.