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Computer Control Implants for the Paralyzed

unassimilatible writes: "The Boston Globe is reporting that Cyberkinetics Inc. is about to ask federal regulators for permission to start testing a device that would enable paralyzed people to control computers directly with their brains or possibly help them move their limbs. Initially, the device, implanted into the brains of paralyzed people, will help them control a cursor on a screen or play video games. Researchers believe the technology could one day enable paralyzed people to type, control lights and heating controls, maneuver wheelchairs, or even manipulate robotic arms. I, for one, look forward to playing Stephen Hawking in Unreal Tournament 2004."

14 of 239 comments (clear)

  1. My claim to fame by mrtroy · · Score: 3, Funny

    I claimed I could beat the smartest man in the world at unreal tourney.

    Now they have to go and take that from me.

    Now, sharks can control those laser beams on their heads too!

    --
    [I can picture a world without war, without hate. I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it]
  2. I, for one... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    I, for one, welcome our new cybernetic paraplegic overlords.

  3. Everyone knows... by WigginX · · Score: 2, Funny

    That Stephen Hawking is a QuakeMaster!

  4. Re:Stephen Hawking... by ashkar · · Score: 5, Funny

    I always wanted to see him matched against Christopher Reeves in Celebrity Deathmatch.

  5. Hawking by DrEldarion · · Score: 3, Funny

    I, for one, look forward to playing Stephen Hawking in Unreal Tournament 2004.

    I didn't realize that you meant playing AGAINST Hawking at first, and I got an image in my head of a polygonal guy in a wheelchair with a robotic arm holding a monstrous gun zipping all over the screen. It made me chuckle.

    1. Re:Hawking by MrResistor · · Score: 2, Funny

      A Stephen Hawking skin would be sweet! You'd have to have the full selection of audio taunts as well, of course.

      --
      Under capitalism man exploits man. Under communism it's the other way around.
  6. Re:Stephen Hawking... by Bendebecker · · Score: 3, Funny

    Nah, personally, I'd fight Ghandi.

    --
    There's a growing sense that even if The Future comes,
    most of us won't be able to afford it.
    -- Lemmy
  7. Hawking can already kick your ass in Quake and GTA by Rayonic · · Score: 5, Funny
    As is chonicled in his MP3 archive. So I quoteth the bard:

    The Mighty Stephen Hawking is a fucking Quake god,
    got my finger on the trigger and my eye on the quad.
    I know it's just a game, but I didn't come to play,
    the Hawkman cometh and he's bringing Doomsday.
    You say, "impressive", I already know it,
    I'm a hardcore player and I'm not afraid to show it.
    I got a Phd in pain and a masters in disaster,
    the mighty Stephen Hawking is a fucking QuakeMaster.
  8. grudge match! by Tumbleweed · · Score: 3, Funny

    Hawking vs Davros! Oh yeah...

    The winner plays Captain Christopher Pike.

    (I'm such a geek. *sigh*)

  9. Hawkins would whip your ass. by crovira · · Score: 2, Funny

    He thinks in more dimensions than you've got limbs. You'd be toast in a minute.

    Lets hope that Gates doesn't get into his head that this is potentially life extending though. Think about it, when you're old and feeble, your drones can have just come off the assembly line. Then again, running Windows on his implants might be fitting punishment.

    --
    MSBPodcast.com The opinions expressed here are my own. If you don't like 'em... Think up your own stuff.
  10. In other news... by fetus · · Score: 2, Funny

    Computer Controls Implants in Wife..

    "When the kids are away, i set them to DD. But if there's company over or Sally is going out with co-workers, I like to bring 'em down to a conservative B.

  11. Re:Serious predictions by Daemonik · · Score: 2, Funny

    I predict that lazy people will become even lazier when they no longer have to even move their finger to change the channel on the TV.

    Microsoft, the RIAA and the MPAA will fight to have your brain DRM'd so that you can't even think about their products without paying the licensing fees.

    Brain hacking will be the next big teenage geek sport with Sobig2010 causing major epileptic fits around the world.

    All pretenses of religion will be dropped for the truely important holy crusade of MacHeads vs Penguinistas vs MSsheep. Who will own the source code to your brain?

  12. Re:Stephen Hawking (be careful what you wish for) by NewbieV · · Score: 2, Funny

    Ken: You've *ruined*... You...

    Buffy: Hey, Ken, wanna see my impression of Gandhi?

    (crushes his skull with a club)

    Lily: Gandhi?

    Buffy: Well, you know, if he was really pissed off.

    ...shamelessly lifted from the Buffyverse Dialog Database

    --


    "For every right, an equal responsibility..."
  13. controlling a robotic arm? by Jack+Schitt · · Score: 2, Funny

    I, for one, welcome our new quadriplegic-cybernetic overlords.

    --
    This message brought to you by Jack Schitt's Previously Shat Shit