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Batteries Continue To Suck

pvt_medic writes "As technology continues to grow, and we see more and more of a shift to portable electronic devices in our daily life, we are still constricted by one simple thing: Batteries. Newsweek has an interesting article about the lack of development in battery technology. 'Ironically, in our headlong rush to create sophisticated untethered computing, the most problematic technology turns out also to be the oldest: those nondescript metal cylinders that never seemed to be included with our Christmas toys.' And for those of you who would like an extensive overview about batteries, ExtremeTech.com has a nice overview."

20 of 605 comments (clear)

  1. so then by rootofevil · · Score: 4, Funny

    lets make with the cold fusion already.

    --
    turn up the jukebox and tell me a lie
    1. Re:so then by SultanCemil · · Score: 3, Funny

      What, you don't have Cold Fusion on your laptop. Damn Luddites.

      --
      Cemil.
    2. Re:so then by CorkieVII · · Score: 3, Funny

      Fuel cells are the dream power source for portable computers. Engineers imagine you might run your notebook computer for 20 hours from a single fuel cell...The wonderful side of this dream is that some engineers expect it to be reality by the end of 2001. The same technology will free your cell phone from its charger for a week at a time. Really, that's interesting.

      --
      Brevity is the soul of wit. -- Prince Hamlet of Denmark
  2. Not my "Nondescript metal cylinders" by Hi_2k · · Score: 4, Funny

    "nondescript metal cylinders that never seemed to be included with our Christmas toys"

    Why is he talking about Nukes? I mean, yeah, you never seem to get them (Top of the list, five years running! But do my parents see fit to get one? NEVER!), but what place do they have in an article about batteries?

    --
    When life gives you crap, Make Crapade.
    Sluggy Freelance.
    1. Re:Not my "Nondescript metal cylinders" by KiwiEngineer · · Score: 4, Funny

      the spoilsports with the non proliferation treaties probably have something to do with this lack of tactical nukes in your christmas stockings.

      I was sorely tempted to drop in a comment about your constitutional right to nukes but then realised that there is a right to bear arms (short sleeve shirts anyone?) but says nothing about batteries.

      --
      Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!
    2. Re:Not my "Nondescript metal cylinders" by Theaetetus · · Score: 3, Funny
      Why is he talking about Nukes? I mean, yeah, you never seem to get them (Top of the list, five years running! But do my parents see fit to get one? NEVER!)

      Uday? Is that you, Uday? ;)

      -T

  3. The Adult Industry by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    The adult industy is the answer! They just need to make less efficent vibrators, than something will be done.

  4. Re:What about all the advances? by beacher · · Score: 2, Funny

    Two areas of society drive technology inovations - porn and the military. The military guys are too busy dropping lithium batteries in water and anything else would drive the fun factor out of batteries. Porn? Well... D cells rock the vibrators, and there's no need in decreasing the size of those clam shuckers. The only step up from there is an A/C adaptor and discount pricing with your local power company.
    -B

  5. Thump ThumP Thump by AbbyNormal · · Score: 2, Funny

    Thump Thump Thump. Keeps Sucking. Nothing outlasts the...

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    Sig it.
    1. Re:Thump ThumP Thump by ErikTheRed · · Score: 3, Funny

      Ok, it's old but it's still amusing:

      Q: What happens when you put the batteries in the Energizer Bunny backwards?

      A: He keeps coming... and coming... and coming...

      --

      Help save the critically endangered Blue Iguana
  6. batteries smatteries by larry+bagina · · Score: 5, Funny

    Seiko has a watch that runs based on your arm motions. Think Geek also sells a flashlight that recharges itself by jacking it off.

    --
    Do you even lift?

    These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.

  7. Re:I wonder if... by buffer-overflowed · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yes, yes I'm sure it all comes down to greed. Because you know, there's no way they wouldn't price longer lasting batteries higher than lower costing batteries. I mean to make up for the loss in volume. Oh and there's no incentive for any of the various battery companies to one-up their competition and grab market share by making a more efficient/longer-lasting battery. That's why we see that energizer bunny all the time, because it's unprofitable to sell batteries based upon length of life.

    --
    The key to the enjoyment of pop music is to replace any instance of "love" with "C.H.U.D."
  8. Hmm... VERY dated ExtremeTech article! by Johnno74 · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Fuel Cells:

    The wonderful side of this dream is that some engineers expect it to be reality by the end of 2001"


    Err... whats the hold up? Are they finishing duke nukem first?

  9. Actually, they are a great gift! by stienman · · Score: 5, Funny

    Best Christmas present ever:

    Pack of batteries with label: Toy not included.

    -Adam

  10. Movement power! by Gldm · · Score: 2, Funny
    But that would require us to move around to power our electronic devices, and I don't think too many slashdotters do all that much moving around.

    How about one of those blood sugar powered setups. Then your laptop could help you lose weight without all that inconvenient moving around. I can see it now. "I need to finish this paper by midnight, bring me more Krispy Kremes NOW!"

    --

    Introducing the new Occam Fusion! Now with sqrt(-1) fewer blades!

  11. Re:You can't rewrite the laws of physics... by operagost · · Score: 3, Funny

    Warning: your Spanish really sucks.

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    Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
  12. Fuels will be the new print cartridges by bluegreenone · · Score: 4, Funny

    All the big gadget people out there (including me) are all waiting anxiously for fuel cells to come along and give us super long usage times for our devices. But what I suspect will happen is that fuel for fuel cells will become the next ink jet print cartridge, with manufacturers charging insane prices for refills. The price you pay for plugging in your laptop will be a fraction of what a single fuel cell refill will cost. And of course you can expect the same manufacturer technical lock-ins as ink, except now with even more warnings like "Use of non-approved refills will result in EXPLOSIONS AND DEATH, buy only certified refills UNLESS YOU ARE INTERESTED IN BLOWING YOUR HEAD OFF. You've BEEN WARNED, JACKASS!"

  13. Re:You can't rewrite the laws of physics... by UserGoogol · · Score: 2, Funny

    Yes, but Biology is cooler than Chemistry, so I suspect the Organic Chemists will like to pretend to be Biologists so they can go to all the cool parties.

    --
    "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." -- Hanlon's Razor
  14. Re:Radioactive decay batteries by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Oh sure.. focus on the negatives....

  15. Re:Time to dig out an old favorite quote by dildatron · · Score: 3, Funny

    Exactly. And Moore's Law doesn't apply to batteries since they have no transistors. It makes about as much sense as applying the speed limit on my local streets to a battery.

    It's just like most things... it's like a monkey fucking a football.

    There. Now we have over-analyzed an attempt at humor.

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    If you had nuts on your chin, would they be chin nuts?