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SCO Fires back, Subpoenas Stallman, Torvalds et al
SirFozzie writes "SCO has just, within the past hour, announced that they have fired back against IBM's legal broadside, with one of their own, filing subpoenas against several of the biggest names in Linux. SCO filed subpoenas with the U.S. District Court in Utah, targeting six different individuals or organizations. Those include Novell; Linus Torvalds, creator of the Linux kernel; Richard Stallman of the Free Software Foundation; Stewart Cohen, chief executive of the Open Source Development Labs; and John Horsley, general counsel of Transmeta."
"When the elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers."
-- "Sucks to your ass-mar"
Swell, Stallman will be rocking in his chair, picking fleas from his beard and muttering "GNU/SCO.. GNU/SCO.. GNU/SCO.." It's like a strawman argument against the millions of free software users..
Trolling is a art,
for us europeans, the US legal system is like a free TV channel : mostly crap, but sometimes a true gem is broadcasted.
On the other hand, i feel for those who live in it
When will I end this grieving ? When will my future begin ?
This WWF match between IBM and SCO is getting good. IBM has sent the crack fiends into a rage.
I bet ol' Brucie is pissed that he's not considered a "big name in Linux" by SCO.
Lawyer: Mr Stallman, can you explain what GNU is? Stallman: Gnu's Not Unix
Lawyer: Yes, Mr Stallman, but can you please answer the question.
Stallman: Gnu's Not Unix
ad infinitum.
IBM is actually trying to get some facts with their subpoenas, like offending source code. What does SCO think they are going to get out of Linus? Hopefully he doesn't let them look a the Linux source code..... oh wait.
Great ideas often receive violent opposition from mediocre minds. - Albert Einstein
I for one welcome our subpoena overlords. No, actually, not, revolution!
/., not SCO-news-of-the-day.
Can someone who is not IANAL comment on ways this could be forced into court, and ended (or at least revealed for the sham it is as I'm sure SCO will appeal)? I want to get back to my normal flying-cars and distro-wars
Returned Peace Corps IT Volunteer
Here's our good friend Blakey.... Quote... SCO spokesman Blake Stowell said he did not know what the subpoenas asked for, but "I know that some of them have been served." Unquote... I don't know what they hope to prove by service subpoenas on a handful of linux-related people...I mean, don't they technically have to serve some purpose at a TRIAL? Perhaps someday we will actually get to that point...but I think this is more meaningless pump-and-dumping on the part of the SCO people.
Meanwhile, sources tell that no subpoena could be delivered to Eric S. Raymond as the delivery man was chased off his ranch with a shotgun.
Fuck, this is bad.. stallman in court.. jesus christ.. i can't imagine what it'll be like... i feel bad for the lawyers questioning him, it'll be worse than questioning the soup nazi on the last episode of sienfeld.
Is that you Darl?
Don't go to a brothel if you want to buy broth
>
> Is SCO completely, utterly, loony? What the fuck? What the fucking fuck fuck?!
Oh, right. That as me, quoting myself from Septempter, and then from October.
So, to bring you all up to date. It's November. The proper question is now:
"Is SCO completely, utterly, apeshit and batshit, half-a-gig-short-of-a-Debian-ISO, stark, slavering, buggo?!? What the fuck? What the fucking fuck fuck fuck [ several dozen instances of the word "fuck" deleted for brevity ] fuck?!?!"
Me: A sphincter says what?
SCO: What?
Me: Exactly.
(paraphrasing from Wayne's World)
I'm leaving out extra milk and cookies this year.
the major advances in civilization are processes which all but wreck the societies in which they occur - A.N. White
I don't understand it really. I have nothing to do with the Linux kernel, yet I received a SCO subpoena to appear in court. The funny thing is that I received two additional subpoenae earlier this week as well. One from the RIAA and the other from DirecTV. I knew I shouldn't have used linux to download those movies through my satellite dish.
-- damon@sicore.org A929 9798 86F9 5AD7 7BD5 E6AD 37A2 DF9B 5EDD C02E http://www.sicore.org/publicKeys/damon.txt
That's just f***ing great, now the bar for being a cool guy in free software just got raised. It used to be you just had to write a million lines of useful code. Now you've got to get a subpoena from SCO to be cool.
"Should we invite Jeff to speak at our little conference?" "Well, he didn't get a subpoena from SCO, so he's probably not that important..."
jeff
y'all might want to point your browsers at: http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20030622& mode=classic
Preferences -> Home Page -> Exclude Stories from the Homepage -> check "Caldera"
:)
I'm waiting my USD 100
Stowell, spokesman for the company, was unable to explain the latest round of subpoenas in the company's lawsuit against IBM for copyright infringment. When asked what the purpose was, he replied that he had no idea, but"I know that some of them have been served."
For veteran SCO watchers, this is a sign that the previously-untouchable spokesman may be on the outs.
"Why wouldn't the spokesman know what was going on?" asked one CIA analyst. "It's his job. But it's little clues like this that give us a suprisingly good idea of what's going on in Utah."
A source within SCO, speaking on condition of anonymity, confirmed this view of events.
"Darl [McBride, CEO of SCO] just went crazy the other day when [Stowell] asked what the next step was," he said. "He started asking all sorts of questions about whose side [Stowell] was on, was he wearing a wire, who else felt like this, this sort of thing. He even pulled out his laptop and started Googling for Stowell's name on LKML [a mailing list for Linux kernel developers]. Now we're not allowed to talk to Blake at all."
"It's a shame, because Blake was one of the moderates," the source continued. "A while back Darl started talking about putting Richard Stallman's head on a pike outside the compound. Said it was the least he deserved. Blake talked him down from that before anything could happen. Now there's very few left to do that."
However, McBride's hold over the company is anything but absolute, and the future of his leadership is still in question. "There's still a significant group within SCO that are trying to find the combination for the safe where he keeps his shares," said the CIA analyst. "That's why he hasn't left the compound in over six weeks."
Richard Stallman, founder of the Free Software Foundation, was unavailable for comment. Sources close to the computer guru said he had gone underground. "He saw some guy hanging around the office that he thought was a bounty hunter. That was enough for Richard."
Carousel is a lie!
This drama is giving all those soaps a serious run for their money.
for the last time people, I am "frodo from middle eaRTH", not "middle eaST".
boils down to "No GNU'S is good GNEWS"
"I imagine this is what Stallman wanted, a chance to prove the GPL in court. And involvement in the case may give him legal room to see 'evidence' without signing non-disclosures."
This has the potential to be really funny with Stallman and Torvalds on the stand.
SCO lawyer: "And here we have exhibit [x] that clearly shows infringing code in Linux."
Stallman: "That's BSD code. It worked for a while, but someone else came up with a much better algorithm. That code hasn't been in GNU/Linux for quite some time."
SCO lawyer (clears his throat in embarrassment): "Moving on to exhibit [x], here is a flagrant example of more infringement."
Stallman: "I wrote that code myself in the early nineties. I know that for a fact because you didn't even bother removing my copyright notice."
(the courtroom comes alive in murmurs from the spectators, requiring the judge to silence the room)
The SCO lawyer finishes with Stallman and calls Torvalds:
SCO lawyer: "Exhibit [x] shows a Caldera copyright. It also shows that you personally modified it and included the code in Linux. We've got you now, you Finnish smartass!"
Torvalds: "Your own exhibit [y] shows that Caldera released the original code into the public domain on many different occasions. I originally tried retrofitting it into Linux, and it stayed for a few revisions, but it was so badly written that I was compelled to rip it out. It was replaced by a far superior version written by an Italian contributor on his 12th birthday."
(the courtroom spectators start to giggle)
SCO lawyer: "Moving on to our crown jewels, we see that the core of SCO Unix is nearly line-by-line identical to the core of Linux. Try explaining that one, hotshot."
Torvalds: "Hey! That's MY code! Rather, it's a very early and buggy version of my code. It looks very similar to Linux 0.2. Come on, guys. If you're gonna steal from Linux, at least steal the good stuff. No wonder SCO Unix sucks so bad."
Welcome to Managment.
If you want to e-mail me, use my PGP Key.
This just in - SCO has finally announced the stolen source in the
Linux kernel. It amounts to exactly 17,351 occurrences of
int i;
also infringing are occurrences of
i++;
and
return;
"And that's just the tip of the iceberg" a SCO source reported.
They haven't got a clue what they're doing, but they're doing it.
Further proof of Microsoft's involvement with SCO's recent irrational behavior. They're already adopted Microsoft's approach to software development!
Fred
"A fool and his freedom are soon parted"
-RMS
Attorney: Isn't it true that you stole code from SCO?
Geek: Yes.
Attorney: What? So, you did steal code from SCO?
Geek: No.
Attorney: I'm confused, now, did you or did you not steal code from SCO?
Geek: Yes.
Attorney: Your Honor, I would like to treat this witness as hostile.
The Court: The witness is directed to answer only "yes" or "no".
Attorney: AAAARRRRGH!
Geek: Hmmm...Is is Sept 19 already?
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, it doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick
Linus being subpoenaed should be able to bring the code that SCO says in violation of thier licence.
Linus: "Please show me the code that is in question".
"That's it? Fuck here is the fix. Case closed.
By the way you owe me a palne ticket and $2000.00 for my time."
"He is probably smarter then[sic] the lawyer questioning him."
Bill Gates is smarter than plenty of other people, yet he is still incapable of picking out a suit that does not make him look like a department-store shoe salesman. Brilliance and social skills tend to have an inverse relationship.
Business Professor: Now Students, we are going to learn about business models today. Forget what you have learned about supplying a product or service to a client, that way of making money is old school.
Business Student: But if a company has nothing to offer, how can they make money?
Business Professor: *shakes head* There is a new approach we are going to call the 'Legal Model.' In this model you don't need a product or service, but good lawyers. You see, you get a good law firm and you target innocent people, twelve year olds are good, or even large businesses. It does not matter the reason, in fact, the stupider the reason, the more you look to gain from it. Inveritably someone will invest in your cause, your stock will go up and whether you are bought out or win, you stand to make money. Helps to use bully tactics to force settlements out of people as well.
Business Student: But how do you plan to pay for the lawyers?
Business Professor: Oh just give them a large percentage if you are bought out or win the law suits. Lawyers are suckers for those types of deals. It's actually incentive for them.
Is this the Business Model of the Future?
Sig? No thanks, I don't smoke.
Ok, I get it all, except for the Sept. 19th thing...anyone want to hit me with the old clue-bat?
Liberal (adj.): Free from bigotry; open to progress; tolerant of others.
"So, Mr. Thorvalds, did you describe SCO as, and I quote, 'smoking crack'?"
"Yes, I did."
"Do you stand by that description."
"No, I do not. It would be an insult to crack-smokers everywhere."
Kjella
Live today, because you never know what tomorrow brings
I bet you got a boner while writing that, didn't you?
Hopefully Linus or RMS will get the chance to use the line "It's absolutely true your honor. This man (McBride) has no dick" in court.
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
Because Windows contains some of that infringing code?
SCO can't even find any real infringements in code they're allowed to read. How on earth would they have found an infringement in code they aren't allowed to read?
Heise: Sorry Mr. McBride, we're running out of excuses to stall the process. You won't make your 12-month bonus
McBride: stall, stall..., that's it! call Stallman!
Heise: Huh?
apology I know it's an awful joke but I'm so tired of the surrealistic delay techniques in this trial.../apology
Bah. We're talking of Richard Stallman here!
> (not (didp you (stealp you sco-code)))
t
> (didp you (stealp you sco-code))
nil
> (or (not (didp you (stealp you sco-code))) (didp you (stealp you sco-code)))
t
From everything I've read since the fiaSCO started, I think the Judge(s) will be very convinced when Linus loses it on the stand and starts calling the SCO people morons.
Linus: YOU MORONS!
SCO Legal Minion: Objection!
Judge: Overruled, statement of fact.
perl -e 'print $i=pack(c5, (41*2), sqrt(7056), (unpack(c,H)-2), oct(115), 10)'
What does "Win" mean?
well, I used to type that a lot in Windows 3.11...
are belong to us..
Darl..
"You lied to me! There is a Swansea!"
She was the 6-time Finnish tae kwon do champ. She is more physically fit and intimidating than either Linus or RMS. Time for her to kick McBride's nuts halfway around the planet...
Uh oh! They are just trying to get all of these important people together in one place, than launch a SCUD missle from Redmond, WA and take out MS's biggest competitor! Don't fall for it!
Space for rent, inquire within
Whoever modded this post "interesting" needs a hobby.
Sounds like SCO is following the Iraq WMD tactics.
They have yet to produce any Code of Mass Duplication.
--
SCO: All your codes are belong to us.
Linux: Reloaded
IBM - Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning, and end. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to the dismissal, and the salvation of Linux. The door to the left leads back to the courtroom, to the GPL, and to the end of your company. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you're going to do, don't we? Already I can see the chain reaction, the chemical precursors that signal the onset of emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic, and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you from the simple, and obvious truth: Linux is going to exist, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it.
*McBride walks to the door on his left*
IBM - Humph. Greed, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest motivation, and your greatest weakness.
McBride - If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again.
IBM - We won't.
CAn'T CompreHend SARcaSm?
With all the comments and sugestions on /. Linux, RMS, et al don't need lawyers, they can read the comments and get all the coaching and legal advise they ever needed-for free!
This SIG pulled due to lack of funding. (This damn war is costing too much!)