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Could Google Be SCO's Next Big Target?
An anonymous reader writes "Well, Darl and co. may have decided which company to sue next: Google. Sources say Google will be sued for not paying their Linux taxes. The story quotes 'Industry wags are saying that God invented SCO to give people a company to hate more than Microsoft.'" This is all speculation until such a suit is filed, though.
and Google could just "accidentally" link all SCO investor sites to certain websites specializing in goat mating signals.
There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from the bread factory.
After google, they are planning on suing the vatican, I mean why mess with these little penny ante companies when you can sue your way into heaven?
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
*moderates +5 aluminium hat*
-kgj
-kgj
The scene: a smoky downtown office lit by one bare lightbulb. Mr D is sitting at his desk, studying his computer screen.
... silence
"Damn", he says, and picks up the phone. "Get your ass in here!", he shouts, and puts the receiver down again.
A sweaty figure stumbles into the room, sneezes, and puts his coke tin and bottle of JDs on the table. "Whazzup, boss?"
"Our stock fell by two points. We need to sue someone. Who's left?"
"Uh, I think we sued them all, boss. Uh, wait, how about Microsoft?"
"MORON!! They're the nice gentlemen we met this morning!"
"Sorry, boss, it's the coke, it's making me forget shit."
"Look, we need a name, and we need it fast."
"Boss, why not try Google?"
"BRILLIANT!!! WE'LL SUE GOOGLE!!!"
"Uh, I meant just try the search... oh, shit."
"Get on the line to our hacks. This is going to be so big. We can ask for $699 per search result. Per web page. Per pagerank. Whatever, so long as we get into twelve figures."
"OK, Boss, you're the boss..." (picks up JD, stumbles out)
sniff... sniff... SNEEZE!
Ceci n'est pas une signature
Let'em try it. Google has the power to 'erase' all memory of SCO from the internet...
An imagined future google session:
enter 'SCO', hit the 'I'm feeling lucky' button...
1. Southern College of Optometry (SCO)
2. Small Corporate Operation (SCO)
3. SCOffer's anonymous
4. Small Company the Offed itself (SCO)
5. Stupid Company Operation (SCO)
6. Some Company or Other (SCO)
Google: Well thanks, but we're not interested.
Balmer: Think about it, there will be consequences!
Google: Thought about it
Balmer (to SCO): Darl ... Yes Yes Yes ..... fade
Darl (bowing): Yes Master
Balmer: You know what to do, dont you?
Darl (salivating): Yes Master
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be
Google Employee 1: Hey Tom, did you move my coffee cup?
Google Employee 2: Geeze Mike... I didn't expect a sort of Spanish Inquisition...
Darl McBride, David Boies, and Chris Sontag burst through the door
Grand Inquisitor McBride: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Speculation for Nerds. Stuff that could matter, maybe.
paintball
Go check out the picture of McBride on SCO's main page. How can you take a CEO seriously when he wears a suit jacket over a t-shirt?
Not required! If I were Google, I'd simply set my algorithm so that every search for SCO takes you to Goatse, every search for "Dickhead" takes you to SCO, and I'd put Darl McBride's personal email on every google page rendered so the spam spiders will have a field day....
I'm not normally an irrational zealous dickhead, but I figure "When in Rome..."
Roving Web-Teleoperated Robot
Better than Linux sites (Linux World, Slashdot) linking to each other with speculations that create self fulfilling prophecies.
Not if we can slashdot the hell out of those sites! SCO won't be able to find the scoop on melted heaps of webserver...
"*moderates +5 aluminium hat*"
That's Tin Foil you fool! Aluminium won't do any good against Alien Mind Control rays, Microsoft Mind Control Rays(tm), Government Mind Control Rays, or the like. You must use tin!
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
It's half SCO and half dog. It is its only friend. :P
Give it a year or so, the SCO debacle will be over, and people will be back to having MS on the top of their hate lists.
No doubt. SCO is like the Brittany Spears of music - comes out of Goddamn nowhere, blows up bigger than life itself, and then fades into oblivion almost as quickly. All that's left in the end is a smoking crater of fake tits.
MS, on the other hand, has real skill. They're like Michael Bolton - who will outlast every one of us!
Before I can go to google and type the words "Kiss my ass", click the "I'm feeling lucky" button and arrive at the Sco home page?
Found this creative little mug shot by Lee Brian. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words
At least Slashdot and Linux World gave them the idea to do it now.
Oh, absolutely. There's no way that SCO's lawyers would have ever thought of doing that by themselves.
Just as all of the most insightful financial analysts come to Slashdot for their investment advice ("Short SCO now!"), so the most expensive lawyers come here to identify a strategy for their multi-million dollar cases.
And doesn't it give you a warm glow to think that all these expensive experts are out there, clinging to your every word, no matter how idiotic or banal?
Hey, perhaps if we tell SCO to stop the lawsuits, they'll do that as well
(OK, OK. I know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but *somebody* modded this insightful. That's a hell of a lot lower...)
Or better yet, while Darl's smoking his crack pipe and hallucinating, whisper into his ear that suing the Church of Scientology would be a an open-and-shut legal case.
Jeez,
Y'know, I really dislike Microsoft. I mean, _really_ dislike. But sometimes you have to admire how smart they are...
Linux is doing well - encroaching on Balmer's own 'my precious'. What's the Dark Lord done in the past? "Buy them and sink them!". AARGHH, can't do that here. Right, what do we do? Aha, the SCOrks - the perfect solution. Snivelling, pathetic, low life failures; set them up to do the dirty work. OK, that's going well - lots of FUD and chief ork McBride's taking all the flack. Back to the dark tower to continue the quest.
What's next? Ah yes, the next great phase in the plan for total domination - the Winternet. Hmm, nasty Google upstarts are doing better than our own little number. But they're a company - ha ha! Let's buy em. WHHAAT? How dare they reject the Dark Lord's advances. Right, deal with them, but how?
Ahh, the trusty SCOrks. Let them deal with the obstinate upstarts. Fits nicely into the battle plan we commanded them to follow anyway. And all the time, everyone says "the SCOrks are bad! Booo! Down with the SCOrcs! And none of the fools realises the SCOrks are simply my entirely expendable pawns. "Sometimes, my dark genius impresses even me!"