BT's Predictions for the Future

Saluton_Mondo writes "BT describes the future as looking "ever more exciting each year"... you won't be surprised if you read their white paper on a timeline of technological development in various aspects of human culture, running up to about 2100. It's a bit out of date, but still pretty funny. Some are reasonable predictions, like the introduction of ID cards in the UK by 2010, or the rise of an American dictator in 2000. Others are just funny, like an orgasm via e-mail in 2010, or a security Barbie which searches for lost offspring. I'll not even mention the emergence of the Borg in 2040... see what you think."

Comments

*Yawn*

[Genghis9]

Predictions of the future are so passe

Re:*Yawn*

[Decaffeinated Jedi]

For a bit of future-gazing satire, I would highly recommend Scott Adams' The Dilbert Future. I guess it's about five years old now, but it's a great book of what amount to short essays predicting future trends with Dilbert comics interspersed throughout. Predictions include:

• Life in the future will not be like Star Trek.
• On average, Induhviduals (sic) who are alive today will experience 80 years of complaint-free living. Unfortunately, they'll live to 160.
• In the future, Internet capacity will increase indefinitely to keep up with the egos of the people using it. Cost will not be an issue.
• In the future, filty, perverted hobos will refer to themselves as telecommuters, until someone points out that they aren't being paid.
• In the future, kids won't have access to online pornography, because X-rated Internet sites will be clogged by horny adults who have more patience.
• In the future, computer-using men will be the sexiest males.

Okay, so maybe that last one is a bit far-fetched. ;)

obligatory

[mOoZik]

Looks like they didn't predict it would be a good idea to upgrade their servers.

hello?

[_UnderTow_]

"I'll not even mention the emergence of the Borg in 2040."

Isn't that what you just did?

What, no Aliens?

[torpor]

If we're going to have totally wired cyborg societies, then come on... when are the aliens landing on the whitehouse lawn?

Freaky. I do *not* want borgs living in my neighborhood.

Guess I'll have to live on a boat...

Orgasm via email

[mattjb0010]

So anyone wanna build 802.11 into this ??

Re:Orgasm via email

[PowerBert]

Cool, now I can spend all night playing savage and still satisfy the woman I love.

Although 802.11 doesn't sound like a very good idea, she uses the headache excuse way too much already.

This might be the future

[Anonymous Coward]

http://www.unbehagen.com/wifism

In other news...

[pesc]

BT describes the future as looking "ever more exciting each year"

In other news, scientists have discovered that the future is nearer now than ever before.

Oh, sure, you say that *now*..

[Channard]

You're just bitter because I won't give you a lift in my flying car after you drunk too much synthi-hol and puked up your food pills all over the back seat.

Re:Oh, sure, you say that *now*..

[Genghis9]

Actually, the reason I'm bitter is because you got modded to 4, and I'm still at 2. :)

And the subsequent..

[Channard]

.. crash of the Borg's OS after applying the latest MS patch, crippling the collective. The borg themselves are quickly 'rescued' by the Weyland-McDonalds corporation and put to worth behind fast food counters across the solar system. Meanwhile, the Borg Queen, deprived of her power base, becomes a cam-whore, running her own pay-per-view website.. slogan.. 'Come and watch me assimilate barely legal teens.'

Orgasm mails?

[marvin2k]

like an orgasm via e-mail in 2010

Right, and when the spammers get this the productivity of the internet-connected world will drop to zero.

Boss: Any important emails today?
Employee: (checks) AHH! MMH! OOHH! YESSS! ... nope, just spam.

Missed one...

[g_attrill]

2004: Slashdot posts 100,000th dupe

hmmm

[Anonymous Coward]

AI chatbots indistinguishable from people by 95 % of population by 2005.....

Is that a statement on the development of AI or a statement about 95% of the population?

Re:hmmm

[Anonymous Coward]

That record conversation was probably with another bot.

How was it for you?

[Channard]

Employee: (checks) AHH! MMH! OOHH! YESSS! ... nope, just spam.

Scene 2: Employee sitting smoking cigarette... 'Well, that certainly put inches on me.. now, what's this email from a Reverend Obogdu of Nigeria all about?'

BitTorrent?!?

[mikewren420]

Wow, first distributed serving of Linux ISO's, Paris Hilton pron and music. Now BT can predict the future too? What can't BT do? ;)

Ancient Chinese Curse Say:

[n1ywb]

May you live in interesting times.

Re:Rise of an American Dictator...

[highwebl]

Yeah, try to say that when they are taking you awa... AAAaaaarrrrgggghhhhhH! Wait a minute. Noone stops to write "... AAAaaaarrrrgggghhhhhH!" Perhaps he was dictating.

Dictator?! WHO TOLD Y- !

[Sgt_Jake]

oh... heh! Yes, those silly predictions again. {Smithers! Find that reporter and release the hounds!)

ObHomer

[sharkey]

...puked up your food pills all over the back seat.

Mmmmm, Soylent Green.

Re:BT

[Anonymous Coward]

Having spent a year on placement at Exact last year, I can't begin to tell you how much fun we had searching the internal directory. The new most infamous employee is Bob Sherunkle.

2010: 25 % of TV celebrities synthetic

[dwalsh]

What do they think will bring about this decline?

Protection for gorillas in Gitmo

[AtariAmarok]

`Pardon my ignorance, but the terrorists/gorilla fighters the US is fighting are not signatories to the Geneva Convention`

I don't know about the terrorists, but the gorillas are protected by the Endangered Species Act.

`What does the Geneva Convention say about this?`

General Urko and Dr. Zaius refused to be signators to this part of the convention.