AOL's $299 PC

cmj writes "Internet.com reports 'Looking to attract households that still aren't online, AOL is offering new customers a $299 PC system if they sign a one-year $23.90 dial-up Internet service contract.' A click through AOL's ecommerce site reveals the the specs as 1.7 GHz Celeron with 256 MB RAM, 40 GB hard drive, 56K modem, 10/100ethernet card, 17" monitor and Lexmark printer. The PC is running Windows XP, and includes 'AOL Office Powered by Sun'. Also of note is the fact that the $299 appears to be financed at around 22%. The math ( (12*23.90)+299 ) seems to suggest that you can get a $699 computer for $585.80 plus any finance charges. Setting aside the question of whether this is a good deal or not, one has to wonder whether AOL is desperate for new customers and resorting to bribery, or just progressing to the next step of branding. With this action AOL controls everything from the OS to the Word Processor to the web sites their customers browse."

Comments

George Carlin Dead?

[Anonymous Coward]

George Carlin dead at 66

Holy shit. George Carlin is dead. He had a heart attack onstage while performing live at Caesars in Atlantic City. Sadly he was already dead when the paramedics arrived despite the fervent attempts at resuscitation by a nurse who happened to be in the audience.

Re:George Carlin Dead?

[Anonymous Coward]

Truly an American icon. He gonna be buried next to Stephen King?

Re:George Carlin Dead?

[Anonymous Coward]

In Soviet Russia, Carlin Georges YOU!

sorry in advance...

[Anonymous Coward]

and i, for one, welcome our new AOL overlords...

son of tsarkon reports yoda doll to major tom

[Anonymous Coward]

Son of Tsarkon Reports on a Space Oddity

Synopsis:
Major Tom goes to the bathroom and shoves a Yoda doll up his ass, and then gimps back to his desk to post AC Trolls on Slashdot.

Soddity

Yoda Doll to Major Tom.
Yoda Doll to Major Tom.
Take your ex-lax bars and put my do-rag on.
Yoda Doll to Major Tom.
Commencing countdown, rope is on.
Begin insertion and may Goatse's love be with you.

This is Yoda Doll to Major Tom,
You've rectally been flayed!
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear.
Now it's time to leave the crapper if you dare.

This is Major Tom to Yoda Doll,
I'm stepping through the door.
And I'm farting in a most peculiar way!
And my ass looks very different today.
For here...
Am I shitting in the tincan?
Far...too busy posting trolls.

Slashdot censors you and there's nothing I can do.

Uploading one hundred thousand files,
I'm feeling very ill.
I don't think my feces know which way to go.
I can't tell my intestines from spaghetti-
code.

Yoda Doll to Major Tom, your prostate's dead, there's something wrong,
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom? Can you hear...

Am I shitting in the tincan?

My ass like a baboon's

Slashdot censors you and there's nothing I can do.

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Re:son of tsarkon reports yoda doll to major tom

[Anonymous Coward]

9 steps to greasing your anus for Yoda Doll Insertion!
v 4.00.0
$YodaBSD: src/release/doc/en_US.ISO8859-1/yodanotes/9steppro cess.sgml,v 4.00.0 2003/12/04 15:25:45 tsarkon Exp $
New! Version! 4.0! with a USER CONTRIBUTED IMAGE. THANK YOU EVERONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!! CLICK HERE TO SEE.

1. Defecate. Preferably after eating senna, ex lax, prunes, cabbage, pickled eggs, and Vietnamese chili garlic sauce. Defecation could be performed in the Return of the Jedi wastebasket for added pleasure.
2. Wipe ass with witch hazel, soothes horrific burns. (Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda can use witch-hazel on mouth to soothe the horrific burns from performing so much analingus.)
3. Prime anus with anal ease. (Now Cherry Flavored for those butthole lick-o-phillic amongst you - very popular with 99% of the Slashdotting public!)
4. Slather richly a considerable amount of Vaseline and/or other anal lubricants into your rectum at least until the bend and also take your Yoda Doll , Yoda Shampoo bottle or Yoda soap-on-a-rope and liberally apply the lubricants to the Doll/Shampoo/Soap-on-a-rope.
5. Pucker your balloon knot several times actuating the sphincter muscle in order to work it in.
6. Put a nigger do-rag on Yoda's head so the ears don't stick out like daggers!
7. Make sure to have a mechanism by which to fish Yoda out of your rectum, the soap on the rope is especially useful because the retrieval mechanism is built in.
8. Slowly rest yourself onto your Yoda figurine. Be careful, he's big!
9. Gyrate gleefully in your computer chair while your fat sexless geek nerd loser fat shit self enjoys the prostate massage you'll be getting. Think about snoodling with the Sarlaac pit. Read Slashdot. Masturbate to anime. Email one of the editors hoping they will honor you with a reply. Join several more dating services - this time, you don't check the (desired - speaks English) and (desired - literate). You figure you might get a chance then. Order some fucking crap from Think Geek. Get Linux to boot on a Black and Decker Appliance. Wish you could afford a new computer. Argue that IDE is better than SCSI because you can't afford SCSI. Make claims about how Linux rules. Compile a kernel on your 486SX. Claim to hate Windows but use it for Everquest. Admire Ghyslain's courage in making that wonderful star wars movie. Officially convert to the Jedi religion. Talk about how cool Mega Tokyo is. Try and make sure you do your regular 50 story submissions to Slashdot, all of which get rejected because people who aren't fatter than CowboyNeal can't submit. Fondle shrimpy penis while making a Yoda voice and saying, use the force, padawan, feeel the foooorce, hurgm. Yes. Yes. When 900 years you reach, a dick half as big you will not have.

All in a days work with a Yoda figurine rammed up your ass.

I HAVE A GREASED UP YODA DOLL SHOVED UP MY ASS!

GO LINUX!!

You fucking asshole,

[Anonymous Coward]

you had me worried there for a minute. If you are going to troll, pick some geek icon (like Steve Jobs or better yet, Eric S Raymod) instead of someone important.

AOL OS???

[Anonymous Coward]

Oh enlightened one, please tell us more about the AOL OS! You fucking moron.

Re:wha?

[Micro$will]

Have you ever used AOL? Would you like to be stuck paying for AOL for a year even if you don't like it just to get a "new" PC? Sure, you can install Linux, but try to get support from AOL if something needs to be replaced under warrantee, and forget about even getting on to AOL with Linux.

AOL?

[Anonymous Coward]

More like GayOL if you ask me.

Re:Deja vu, MSN Tsarkon Reports YODA DOLL

[Anonymous Coward]

9 steps to greasing your anus for Yoda Doll Insertion!
v 4.00.0
$YodaBSD: src/release/doc/en_US.ISO8859-1/yodanotes/9steppro cess.sgml,v 4.00.0 2003/12/04 15:25:45 tsarkon Exp $
New! Version! 4.0! with a USER CONTRIBUTED IMAGE. THANK YOU EVERONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!! CLICK HERE TO SEE.

1. Defecate. Preferably after eating senna, ex lax, prunes, cabbage, pickled eggs, and Vietnamese chili garlic sauce. Defecation could be performed in the Return of the Jedi wastebasket for added pleasure.
2. Wipe ass with witch hazel, soothes horrific burns. (Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda can use witch-hazel on mouth to soothe the horrific burns from performing so much analingus.)
3. Prime anus with anal ease. (Now Cherry Flavored for those butthole lick-o-phillic amongst you - very popular with 99% of the Slashdotting public!)
4. Slather richly a considerable amount of Vaseline and/or other anal lubricants into your rectum at least until the bend and also take your Yoda Doll , Yoda Shampoo bottle or Yoda soap-on-a-rope and liberally apply the lubricants to the Doll/Shampoo/Soap-on-a-rope.
5. Pucker your balloon knot several times actuating the sphincter muscle in order to work it in.
6. Put a nigger do-rag on Yoda's head so the ears don't stick out like daggers!
7. Make sure to have a mechanism by which to fish Yoda out of your rectum, the soap on the rope is especially useful because the retrieval mechanism is built in.
8. Slowly rest yourself onto your Yoda figurine. Be careful, he's big!
9. Gyrate gleefully in your computer chair while your fat sexless geek nerd loser fat shit self enjoys the prostate massage you'll be getting. Think about snoodling with the Sarlaac pit. Read Slashdot. Masturbate to anime. Email one of the editors hoping they will honor you with a reply. Join several more dating services - this time, you don't check the (desired - speaks English) and (desired - literate). You figure you might get a chance then. Order some fucking crap from Think Geek. Get Linux to boot on a Black and Decker Appliance. Wish you could afford a new computer. Argue that IDE is better than SCSI because you can't afford SCSI. Make claims about how Linux rules. Compile a kernel on your 486SX. Claim to hate Windows but use it for Everquest. Admire Ghyslain's courage in making that wonderful star wars movie. Officially convert to the Jedi religion. Talk about how cool Mega Tokyo is. Try and make sure you do your regular 50 story submissions to Slashdot, all of which get rejected because people who aren't fatter than CowboyNeal can't submit. Fondle shrimpy penis while making a Yoda voice and saying, use the force, padawan, feeel the foooorce, hurgm. Yes. Yes. When 900 years you reach, a dick half as big you will not have.

All in a days work with a Yoda figurine rammed up your ass.

I HAVE A GREASED UP YODA DOLL SHOVED UP MY ASS!

GO LINUX!!

Re:$299 is financed at 21.7% APR

[Anonymous Coward]

What if you float a big turd??? That should be a fine too.

A 699$ computer?

[Caeda]

Damn, that's a real rip off... 699$ for a 1.7ghz celeron? I only paid $619 for a 2.8Ghz Athlon XP with 120GB, 512 ram with Nvidia graphics and Dolby Digital 5.1 sound out... If your spending 699 for a 1.7ghz celeron you need to have your head examined. Unless its a dell. That should be about their normal amount of overcharging people.

MY AOL PC EXPERIENCE

[Anonymous Coward]

Yesterday I arrived at the office sat down at my desk and turned on my
brand new Athalon XP 3000+. Nothing seemed to happen not which is not
entirely surprising. I tried again and still no luck. At this point I
was getting worried. I had a look behind my computer's case and
everything was plugged in and looked normal. I immediately picked up the
phone to dial the helpdesk for assistance. The helpdesk asked me to
check the power bar under my desk. I immediately realised it was in the
off position. I quickly fliped the power bar switch to the on posisition
and turned on my pc. To my amazement the pc booted up fine.

William Gates

dear sh1t for brains slashdoteers

[Anonymous Coward]

factor in the people portion of the equation. people change at 1/100 of the rate of technology. Are you reading this, then you are a sh1thead.

ah choice boxes

[Anonymous Coward]

with only one choice UNITED STATES .. well why have a fucking choice box then?