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Detoxing With Magnets for Fun and Profit
Ridgelift writes "Wired has an article on a new way to remove toxins from the bloodstream. The Argonne National Laboratory have designed nanoparticles which 'identify, and then latch onto, target molecules. The nanoparticles are injected into the bloodstream, where they circulate through the body, picking up their target toxins as they go. Once they have made their rounds, all that's needed to remove the particles from the body are a magnet housed in a handheld unit and a small, dual-channel shunt inserted into an arm or leg artery.'"
Magneto: Something's different, today... [Holds up a hand, and the guard freezes] Too much iron in your blood!
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need is a car mounted version so I can plug in saturday night after a round at the bars. hmm mabee they could shunt the removed "products" directly to my carborator.. Profit !
"It's so convenient to have a system where everyone is a criminal" - A. Hitler
Something to do with all these spare small, dual-channel arterial shunts I have lying around...
All's true that is mistrusted
Finally, an actual medical benefit from magnets!
"They redundantly repeated themselves over and over again incessantly without end ad infinitum" -- ibid.
Now those people selling the magnetic bracelets and insoles are going to be using this as 'proof' that their useless peices of crap really work.
Technoli
magnetic water?
HA-HAHAHAHAHA HOHOHOHO HEE!
My wife actually knows someone that drinks 'magnetic water' to remove various unnamed 'toxins' from her body. Weird.
"Lawyers are for sucks."
- Doug McKenzie
Finally, a drug-free school zone with teeth. Just say no! Or not. We'll get you either way.
...why my tinfoil hat was sucked into my ear after my doctors appointment.
So is this research sponsored by Jiffy Lube?
"Remember, get your oil and your small arterial shunt changed every three months or three thousand miles."
REM Old programmers don't die. They just GOSUB without RETURN.
Take your skin off and try it.
"Kaminski said Food and Drug Administration trials will start in five years." Why do we have to wait five years? We need open source drug development. Yeah, it's dangerous, but so is rocketry.
How long until we get the full borg suit? (And for the record, I call dibbs on 7 of 9)
To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt.
--E.C. Stanton
BTW - Jake, if you're reading this, that doctor chick totally has the hots for you, dude...
I wonder if there is enough concentration that this would set off airport metal detectors... :security guy bob: Sir, please step through the metal detector again :security guy joe: I don't understand it, he's completely naked and we've done a cavity search!
really then, what's the point?
I'd rather pay for a cab then jam an arterial shunt into my leg that could bleed me dry in under an hour. Couple that with the fact that I would be drunk whilst doing said leg jamming, and I'd choose to have my address and a cab company's dispatch number tatooed to my forearm.
But you go spend your money to get not drunk. I'll be the one in the back of the cab with the ugly girl who's going to get lucky, puking my guts out.. You have your fun... Uhh,
How much does this procedure cost?
Man, I have to know, when will Billy Mays begin hawking the DIY at home kit?
Nothing like sticking a dual-channel shunt into your own leg artery..
And if Billy is selling it I *know* it's A-OK !
"Hi, Argonne National Lab Gift Store? Do you have bioactive nanoparticles keyed to latch onto THC? I have a drug test coming up tomorrow."
It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning
The problem with nanostrippers is that you need a very high-power microscope to see them grinding on their carbon nanotube pole.
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
Yeah, my favorite thing about Alex Chiu is that if you pay him for his immortality device, he offers a 90 day, money back gaurantee.
I've always wondered how one gauges the effectiveness of an immortality device in only 90 days...
Please sir, can you provide me with erotic stories about puking on your partner while having sex? thank you
Obviously, you try to kill yourself. If you succeed, then you get your money back.
December 10, 2013
part II in a series
Corporate Managers Confounded by Nanotechnology's Defeat of Drug Testing
The effect of nano-detox on corporate America has prompted uncertainty in HR departments across the USA.
"I'm confused by it," said Project Manager Mark Greene. "It used to be, I knew what was expected of me. Promote guys who dress like me, hire women I consider f--kable. If anyone fails random urinalysis, fire them."
Now, I don't know what to do," he continued. "If the drug tests don't work, how am I supposed to know whether my employees are doing their jobs adequately? I might have to... what's the word, it starts with T, the, that... THINK. That's it. I'd have to think of a way to keep track of what my employees are doing at work. That's not the job of a manager as I understand it, and they sure didn't teach us to think in Business School. I was hired because I look good in a suit."
Some business analysts have suggested that the impact to the corporate bottom line could be huge.
"Let's face it," said Joanna Goldstein, of the market analysis firm Goldstein & Meyers, "This could add a lot to the cost of middle and upper level management."
"It already costs almost $10 million a year to put someone in that management chair," she continued. "If that person has to also be able to track ongoing corporate projects under his control, plus think of a way to determine which employees are performing other than by what they like to do on the week-end, it could add a lot to the cost of executive talent."
"Without that litmus test, management will have to pay attention, be realistic, and exercise some critical thought. Good luck finding an MBA with those skills, and expect it to be expensive if you do."
Ed Warren, a senior manager at computer maker HardenSoft, adopted another idea during a recent three-martini meeting with senior execs: ban use of the nanotech devices by employees entirely.
"You can tell where the arterial shunt was inserted for a few days afterward; we might just start looking for that telltale bruise," he said, between lines of cocaine. "Maybe a few employees with legitimate health problems will fall through the cracks, but that's a small price to pay for me to avoid having to pay attention to what goes on in this office, or, God forbid, what's that word that starts with T? Think?"
"Of course, management is exempt," he said with a smile, wiping the powder from his nose. "I'm off to get nano-detoxed tomorrow, but right now I have to go fire anyone who smoked a joint within the last month. I always enjoy a little bump to help me feel powerful before I do that."
Run for your lives! It's.... E. Colizilla!!!!
Soylent Green is peoplicious!
What I'd like to see this technology used for is fat redistribution. Imagine these critters being injected at your fat repositories, latching onto a fat cell, getting into your bloodstream and depositing it either through the shunt or wherever you have the magnetic field positioned.
... billions!?
Usage: inject in the hips, wear magnetic bra! Result: Big boobs, thin legs!
Why make trillions, if I could make
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