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Head Of ATF To Direct RIAA Anti-Piracy
plasmastate writes "Via Fox News: Bradley A. Buckles, the director of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, is moving over to the RIAA to hunt down music pirates. And visions of David Koresh danced in their heads..."
And our scene unfolds with Bradley A. Buckles, with a stormtrooper hitsquad of RIAA goons...
... and the war on freedom rages on.
Buckles (over blowhorn): "YOU MUSIC WHORING PIRATES, SEND THE MP3s AND OGGs OUT FIRST OR WE'LL BURN YOUR COMMUNIST MUSIC SHARING COMPOUNDS TO THE GROUND, WOMEN AND CHILDREN BE DAMNED!!!!"
Seems somewhat appropriate.
.. look at the bright side, while his jackboots are busy stomping out piracy, the world will again be safe for boozers, smokers and gun collectors.
Trolling is a art,
Buckles' retirement is effective Jan. 3. No replacement was immediately named.
I heard they have Himmler on ice. I think he'd feel right at home.
Oh man, this is quite a bad turn of events! ... for gun owners.
Now gun owners get the bad publicity and rep of the RIAA via remote association.
~/ssh slashdot.org ssh: connect to host slashdot.org port 22: too many beers
I for one have always equated the RIAA with alcohol, tobacco, and guns.
Esoteric reference.
Now instead of getting a threatening letter in the mail, 14 years downloading music gets to be roasted alive as ATF agents try to put the computer into sleep mode but it bursts in to flames instead.
EvilCON - Made Famous by
Based on the government's wildly successful War on Drugs, I expect that with a former ATF head in charge of the War on Piracy, by this time next year, we'll all be back to signing our paychecks over to the RIAA just like the good old days.
What's wrong with reporting illegal software use? I noticed several employees running suspicious software on their PC's, which did NOT look like "Approved Microsoft Windows(tm) Technology" that I use. The Start button was replaced with a barefoot, for example! I called up the BSA and now several of my coworkers are no longer working here.
There is a representative from Microsoft coming next Tuesday to make sure all of those boxes have the illicit software reinstalled with appropriate Microsoft American-Made technology.
I'd just as soon report YOU, too, as look at you. Fucking thieves.
Is going to add "Bullies" to the list.
Sheesh, if they had added "Babes" instead, I'd have been there in an instant.
Put down the mouse and put your hands on the monitor. Do it now!
ATF - Wonderful - weren't the first shots fired at the Koresh compound fired by an ATF agent shooting himself in the thigh?
Judging by the reports that I have read, we can expect the following healines soon.
ATF RAIDS HOME
(ATF press release) In an effort to stamp out musical piracy, which leads to terrorism - the ATF today raided the home of Amanda Johnson (age 12) and her brother brad (age 9). Both pirates were taken down. One of the pirates was shot in the raid when he attacked the ATF agents with a fluid projectile weapon. The ATF agent is expected to make a full recovery, while the pirate is listed in stable but critical condition.
"We're just trying to protect our American way of life", said Butch Howitzer. "These pirates are destroying the ability of the RIAA to run a good monopoly, besides, if this piracy thing gets out of hand we might actually have to pay artists. Ticketmaster and the record label executives can't afford this. Lets be honest, the money these pirates steal prevents a record executive from getting the thereapy they need every day."
AngryPeopleRule
"Science is about ego as much as it is about discovery and truth " - I said it, so sue me.
It turns out that Bradley A. Buckles wasn't their first choice, but Hannibal Lectur wasn't available.
Kind thoughts do not change the world
sweetheart, why is there a fucking M1 Abrams on the front lawn?
PC moderators can suck my White pierced, tattooed dick. If you think pride == hate, s/dick/Aryan meat mallet/g.
Already been done. By the British against the American rebels. These fighters were known as Hessians.
C:\>
Woo hoo! Now it'll be just as easy to get free music as it is to get weed.
ATF lead: This must be the place. They've got all kinds of crazy stuff going on in there.
ATF agent: [talks into a communicator] Code 7. We believe we have found the compound. Request immediate backup. [the ATF lead looks at the house again]
Barbrady: [immediate indeed, appears in the lead's sights] Okay, so just what is going on here, people?
ATF lead: Get down! [pulls him into position along with the others]
Barbrady: What?
ATF lead: It's just like we told you, officer! There's a religious cult in there that plans to commit mass suicide when the meteor shower starts. [resumes viewing, but is interrupted]
Barbrady: Are you sure?
ATF lead: Of course we're sure! [points out the initials on his cap] We're the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms! It's our job to know what these fanatics do!
Barbrady: So what does the ATF do when religious fanatics are gonna commit mass suicide?
ATF lead: Oh, don't worry! We won't let that happen! Even if it means we have to kill each and every one of them.
~UltraSkuzzi
This comment is liscensed by SCO.
I always thought it was strange to have a federal agency dedicated to alcohol, tobacco, and firearms. Other than being a part of any good camping trip, what do these three items have in common?
I told you THIS was coming a long time ago!
Now, driving while chewing tabacco, sipping on a pint jack, listening to pirated Billy Ray Cyprus and shooting at the occasional road sign will all be covered under the same agency.
So, are they planning to maintain their "shoot on sight" rules a la Ruby Ridge?
Nothing to see here; Move along.
That's just what the RIAA needs... booze and guns...
What are you some kinda liberal?
What better way to fight piracy than to get liquored up and shoot people at random?
Not to mention forcing people to listen to the same Nancy Sinatra over and over and over and over again. But then doing this with Britney Spears would be even more effective. This is the technique that BAFT brings to the RIAA, and the horror that awaits music pirates. Especially the ones that don eye patches and go Arrrrr!
Nobody died when Nixon lied.
I'm meeting you half way you stupid hippies!
NEWS: MAE-West, one of the nation's key switching facilities for Internet connectivity, was completely destroyed by 500 pounds of Energel explosive after confirmation of a rumor that one of the routers in there was being used to send MP3 files to the dreaded user@KaZaA
"I believe that we have stopped to illegal tranfer of copyrighted materials in the most effective and timely manner possible", stated Bradley A. Buckles, head of the Anti-Piracy Unit of the Recording Industry Association of America and former director of the ATF.
"It is truly unfortunate that half of the US now has to go on without internet access just because of the actions of a few unscrupulous file traders" Buckles continues, "File swapping really does hurt everyone."
MAE-West was one of two major network traffic exchange points in the United States. The other, MAE-East, is in Vienna, Virginia.
When asked about MAE-East, Buckles said, "We'll blow that up too, if it turns out that kazaaliteuser@KaZaA is using that for illegal file sharing."
The RIAA now is pleased to announce in partnership with AT&T and PG&E the formal unveiling of "MediaNet". MediaNet is a network that connects your electrical system with the sewer system to form a massive computer network that can be billed per election transferred. Additionally, packet headers are decoded to determine to origin of traffic and impose any and all necessary foreign and domestic tarrifs and taxes.
We will be installing new meters alongside the ones you already have and you will be billed automatically for the webpages you access. MP3 ID3 tags are automatically read and you will be charged "fair market value" for any files transferred. When copyrighted images or sound clips load, users will also be charged "fair market value" for a single use right to view and hear them.
We believe that MediaNet will be a great success and will provide millions of homes and businesses with a valuable metered internet lifeline.
MediaNet service is a mandatory addition to your current utilities. Basic use fees will start at $50/month*
* Basic use fees do not include state data tax, universal MediaNet tax, interstate data transfer surcharge, or billing meter rental fees.
They're re-ordering their priorities, and we have to call then the Bureau of Recording, Tobacco, Fireams and Alcohol - or RTFA.
Don't go to a brothel if you want to buy broth
Kind of says it all doesn't it?
Bradley A. Buckles arrives at the RIAA just in time to tackle the problem of finding P2P users located within the 21124 square miles (82^2*Pi) surrounding every WiFi point in America. (New WiFi distance record.)
"It's the height of ridiculousness to say for those 9 lines you get hundreds of millions."
It's not a coincidence either that Osama Bin Laden crashed two airliners into the Towers on September 11th, the 20th anniversary of Dylan Klebold, one of the Columbine shooters.
And is it really a coincidence that George Walker Bush toppled the Iraqi government on April 9th, the 21th anniversary of Eric Harris, the other Columbine shooter?
Oh, and Timothy (his first name was Timothy, not Terry) Mc Veigh was executed on an 11th of June, which is just 911 read upside down... Coincidences! Coincidences!
"can be billed per election transferred"
:)
I'm sure you meant electron, but the typo's funnier anyway.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face
"ATF has the best cost-to-collection ratio in the federal family." from:
http://www.atf.gov/about/history.htm
Aha! He is a cost effectivenes/efficiency expert in the field of legal extortion.