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Free Boardgame Instructs On Art Of Zombie Ranching
Thanks to Invisible City for its newly posted, freely distributable and printable 'Zombie Rancher' boardgame, allowing prospective players to print out the game board and rules to this "post-zombie apocalypse game of entrepreneurism for two or four players." The object of this multiplayer game is "..to capture the finest, tastiest, and best-aged zombies and render them into juicy steaks and fillets", and the creator explains how a visit to a steakhouse helped him come up with the concept: "The ad copy of Texas Land and Cattle's menu brags about how their steaks are aged for two weeks to make them tenderer. This is because the bacteria in the meat pre-digests it a bit before you eat it... putting two and two together, a zombie steak could, ostensibly, be both tender (from being in a dead body) and hearty (from all that exercise.)"
long live goatse.
AHHHHHHHHHHhHHHHHHHHHhHHHHHHHHHH fp
Left for 2 weeks for bacteria to pre-digest it?
Suddenly, I don't feel like eating zombies anymore...
...are Cheapass' offerings. No doubt, many here have enjoyed Dr. Lucky. My favorite failure card, for when you're about to kill your host, and someone blocks:
You Forget.
We're indie. We're working on our 14th game.
Yeah, but at least you don't have to worry about Mad Cow Disease.
And, after Flame Strike, most Zombies are perfectly cooked; tender and moist, but not too rare.
If you like your meat straight off the bone, I recommend Burning Hands.
Seen in email: (sorry for the formatting, it was a PITA)
>>COW ECONOMICS, the way it really is!
Cow Economics; A realistic view.
>>
>>
>>DEMOCRAT
>>You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
>>successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
You get a government grant to help your farm. It goes under because you're not ruthless enough to compete in the modern economy.
Willie Nelson holds a concert on your farm, and you go broke cleaning up the beer cans. You end up working at Walmart as a greeter.
>>REPUBLICAN
>>You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
You vote Democratic because the Republicans supported the corporation that started the 1,000,000 cow operation down the road. You go out of business anyway. You end up as a greeter at Walmart, and die old and embittered, railing against the system. You're right, but that
changes shit. Meanwhile, the cow you raised holds the genetic cure to cancer. 3 people get very rich. You're not one of them.
>>SOCIALIST
>>You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
>>neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
SOCIALIST: Who? Lenin would be spinning in his grave. Cows? We don't need no stinkin' cows. Workers unite!
>>COMMUNIST
>>You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with
>>milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
The Americans ship beef to you to help feed your starving country. You accept, with the caveat that they can't change anything more. Your people get pissed at you for spending more on missiles than beef. Your country goes under and becomes essentially a coalition of Third World
countries; but, you have nukes. You sell them on the world underground market.
>>CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
>>You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
After a few years, you are getting big enough to get into the stock market. You do so, and relegate the actual work to others. Soon you sell the farm and go full time into the stock market. You lose your ass on Internet IPO's and end up as a greeter at Walmart. Your wife leaves you
to take up with the young farm kid down the road. You lose your cat in the divorce.
>>DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>>You sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one
>>cow, which was
>>a gift from your government.
He chops down a few thousand hectares of rainforest and turns your cows into a multi-million dollar operation, selling to McDonalds. He expands and eventually gets assasinated by the other drug lords when he tries to take over their turf. The cows escape, and the local villagers die from
eating too much raw meat. They sue your heirs because one of the cows had Mad Cow Disease.
>>BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>>You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks >>the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the >>drain.
You're sued because the government found Mad Cow Disease in your cows.
>>AMERICAN CORPORATION
>>You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four >> cows.
>>You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to
>>the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your
>>stock goes up.
Your company eventually fails because you were spending your money on your mistress in the Bahamas. You quit the company in disgrace, get a huge retirement settlement, and die of Aids from mistress after doing hundreds of talk shows. The funeral turnout is huge and includes many prominent Republicans.
>>FRENCH CORPORATION
>>You
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
this story is so stupid I'm giving simoniker one more chance before I block his stories. I mean my gosh, if they randomly selected their stories they'd get better stuff than this crap!
There is an interesting java applet that simulates zombies infecting a city of panicking people.
Only one of the other posts isn't completely offtopic.
Anywho, if you're still hankering for heaping helping of free boardgames, Invisible City Press, home of Zombie Rancher, has plenty. If that's not enough for you, you can always print up a Piecepack or two.
If you're willing to spend a little money, James Ernest makes an unpleasantly large number of really pleasant games, most of which sell for less than $10.00. In fact, one of the best sells for $5.00, while my current favorite comes in at a paltry $7.50, with all the heavy-duty fun of your average German game.
Happiness is relative, Based upon the way we live.
Lightspeed does sound interesting, but there's no mention of it on the Cheapass site. The only source I can find is a flaky game retailer.
The South African's call it Biltong and it is a National delicacy.