Bill Gates to be Knighted

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Posted by ryuzaki0 on Sunday January 25, 2004 @02:14AM from the i-thought-you-had-to-at-least-be-british dept.

gexen writes "According to an article in the Telegraph Bill Gates is going to be knighted by the Queen of England for "services to the global enterprise." She's just handing them out like candy these days!"

38 of 1,116 comments (clear)

Aristocracy!! by Zardus · 2004-01-25 02:14 · Score: 5, Funny

I refuse to kneel before Gates! Fight the Aristocracy!

--
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1. Re:Aristocracy!! by flyneye · 2004-01-25 02:44 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  hopefully the old gal will trip,slip or just outright for the fun of it lop off his head with the sword she knights him with.
  
  --
  *Repent!Quit Your Job!Slack Off!The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!
2. Re:Aristocracy!! by surprise_audit · 2004-01-25 02:54 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  I refuse to kneel before Gates! Fight the Aristocracy!
  I think (hope!) you may be missing the point. When a person is knighted, the ruling monarch touches that person on each shoulder with a sword, while saying the traditional words.
  OK, so think about it - if Bill accepts the knighthood, he'll be letting her Majesty get within inches of his neck with about 3 feet of sharp steel... When you add in the fact that she's 78 years old this year, we can hope that she might just "slip" and join the dots with a straight line...
3. Re:Aristocracy!! by Directrix1 · 2004-01-25 06:14 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I think this is actually just a ploy so the queen can smack him in the face with another cream pie :-P.
  
  --
  Occam's razor is the blind faith in the natural selection of least resistance and in universal oversimplification. -- EF
Hopefully he's not by michaelhood · 2004-01-25 02:15 · Score: 5, Funny

charged with keeping the Kingdom secure. ;) FP?
1. Re:Hopefully he's not by AKnightCowboy · 2004-01-25 02:32 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  charged with keeping the Kingdom secure. ;) FP?
  The Queen is handing out Knighthoods lately like the certification mills are handing out MCSEs. I guess it's fitting and just as useless.
2. Re:Hopefully he's not by BMonger · 2004-01-25 03:27 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Wouldn't that be that she's handing them out like Windows patches?
  
  ba dum dum
3. Re:Hopefully he's not by Anonymous Coward · 2004-01-25 03:33 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  So, in other words the Queen is just a figurehead ?
  
  Wow, I would have never guessed.
  
  heh.
Arise! by AtariAmarok · 2004-01-25 02:16 · Score: 5, Funny

I knight thee!

Arise, Sir Plenty of Bugs, Sir Mega of Lomaniac, sir Screen of Blue, Sir Embrace of Extend, Sir 640 of K....

--
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
1. Re:Arise! by AEton · 2004-01-25 02:27 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Sir Haxedalot!
  
  So that's who that was!
  
  --
  We recently had heard in the office over one of the Yellow Machine that's made by Anthology Solutions.
2. Re:Arise! by Anonymous Coward · 2004-01-25 03:00 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  To be fair, the title should be KBE-2004 and be his to use--upon payment of annual subscription fees--for as long as the Empire, which owns the title, permits.
pfft by the_unknown_soldier · 2004-01-25 02:18 · Score: 5, Funny

Satan is getting knighted tomorow.
Hollywood Star by Nadsat · 2004-01-25 02:19 · Score: 5, Funny

Knighthood is just like awarding the Hollywood Star. They should display icons of all the knights down the Thames.

We need to create a rewards system that rewards not celebrities but progressives. The Martyr Award or the like. Give it a sexy title... and *poof* suddenly being a progressive is hip.

--

The Custom Mary
Sly Queen... by PatrickThomson · 2004-01-25 02:20 · Score: 5, Funny

This is just an excuse to get a sharp object hear his neck...

--
I am one of many. My idea is not unique, nor do I expect my voice alone to sway you. I speak in a chorus of opinion.
We Are The Knights Who Say 'Ni'! by hillct · 2004-01-25 02:21 · Score: 4, Funny

I knight thee for thy geek prowass, in spite of thy buggy insecure software, in spite of thy pending antitrust litigation, I knight thee for thy introduction of technology which will allow geeks around the world to stream Monty Python sketches over the web and share them with their geek brethren, in spite of the fact that you stole the concepts behind it from your competitors and insisted on including crippling and inherently broken DRM.

-- The Queen Mother

--

--Got Lists? | Top 95 Star Wars Line
Re:DEAR FUCKING LORD by Anonymous Coward · 2004-01-25 02:23 · Score: 5, Funny

Probably around the same time you kiss a girl. So, never.
Re:He cant be just "Knigtef" by Dj+Stingray · 2004-01-25 02:25 · Score: 5, Funny

Can we just tell the british to keep him?
I would be careful... by PetoskeyGuy · 2004-01-25 02:25 · Score: 5, Funny

If I were Bill Gates, I would not accept invitations to kneel before someone with a sword.
1. Re:I would be careful... by skdffff · 2004-01-25 03:24 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  Someone, quick, take the Queen to screening of Kill Bill!
Well I suppose... by James+Lewis · 2004-01-25 02:27 · Score: 4, Funny

If Yasser Arafat can win the Nobel Peace Prize Bill Gates can be knighted. All signs that the apocalypse is at hand.
1. Re:Well I suppose... by John+Seminal · 2004-01-25 02:39 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Yeah, if George Bush gets re-elected, then you will have the trifecta.
  
  --
  Rosco: "If brains were gunpowder, Enos couldn't blow his nose."
Re:DEAR FUCKING LORD by questamor · 2004-01-25 02:41 · Score: 5, Funny

When queen liz slips.

Anyone here in the UK? someone tell her you have to swing REEEALLY hard.

thanks
Re:He cant be just "Knigted" by Uber+Banker · 2004-01-25 02:50 · Score: 4, Funny

Tips for gaining karma:

1. Post a question containing a (albeit incorrect) supposition (get karma).
2. Answer one's own question (get more karma).

Then when karma is got:

3. Post TK and GNAA trolls at +2 (karma has to be used for something).
Whoa... by FrostedWheat · 2004-01-25 02:56 · Score: 5, Funny

Linux helping Windows boot faster, Spirit on the way to working again, Opportunity successfully landing and now Bill Gates being Knighted. At this rate Beagle 2 will come back to life, Duke Nukem Forever will get a release date and this story won't be duped!

What a week!
A true nerds dream come true... by ProppaT · 2004-01-25 03:20 · Score: 5, Funny

I bet all Gates' friends back at the D&D will never believe this.

"Sir Bill Gates, level 15th Paladin...a true warrior for the people if I do say so myself" - Bill Gates

--
Wise men say, "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."
Swords are kind of outdated... by WerewolfOfVulcan · 2004-01-25 03:29 · Score: 5, Funny

...use a lightsabre instead.

"I knight thee in the name of... ZZZWURTCH ... oh dear..."
Re:Congratulate "Sir William" and move on by Smidge204 · 2004-01-25 03:30 · Score: 4, Funny

So if he succeeds with all his DRM plans, does he get crowned?*

(*hit on the head)
=Smidge=
Look on the bright side by Anonymous Coward · 2004-01-25 03:40 · Score: 5, Funny

A good result of this: Bill Gates will not be allowed to run for president of the US. (Presidents of the US may not have British noble status)
Re:He cant be just "Knigtef" by Unregistered · 2004-01-25 03:58 · Score: 4, Funny

its kinda like being knighted "lite"

Or maybe, like being knighted "Home Edition"
we all know what happened there by ShadowRage · 2004-01-25 05:25 · Score: 4, Funny

Melinda: If you dont fund my organization, you wont even get to see my boobs!
Bill: awww, but I dun
Melinda: not another word, or you wont have chances at sex again for another 3 years
Bill: Fine, god dammit. you stupid bitch, I'll fund your little useless cause
Melinda: and you can get more potential customers and more publicity!
Bill: Wow, did I tell you how beautiful you are?

prolly went down something like that.
Appropriate by John+Hasler · 2004-01-25 05:58 · Score: 3, Funny

OBE has long been interpreted as "Other Bloke's Effort". This is an area where Bill excells.

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It's clear to me now... by Feztaa · 2004-01-25 06:33 · Score: 3, Funny

My goal in life is to become the very first combination Knight/Saint/MCSE!
Wait a minute... by dfn5 · 2004-01-25 08:01 · Score: 4, Funny

Aren't Knights supposed to be lawful good?

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-- Thou hast strayed far from the path of the Avatar.
Maybe she has another motive... by Black+Art · 2004-01-25 08:47 · Score: 4, Funny

Maybe she just wants the opertunity to get a sword near his neck.

"I dub thee... Blue scream of death!" *WHACK*

--
"Trademarks are the heraldry of the new feudalism."
Since it's technically an honorary knighthood... by Tuxedo+Jack · 2004-01-25 09:13 · Score: 3, Funny

Couldn't it be called "Knighthood CE?"

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Striking fear in the authors of godawful fanfiction, I am here, appearing in darkness, Tuxedo Jack!
They WROTE OS/2 by rufusdufus · 2004-01-25 09:53 · Score: 3, Funny

How history gets twisted! Microsoft wrote OS/2! To say they broke its back is ridiculous! They spend hundreds of millions of dollars developing and marketting it, IBM spend a billion on marketing. They couldnt sell it.
Back before the phrase was "developers developers developers" and "windows windows windows", the original chant was "os/2 os/2 os/2". Steve Baller would come running down the hall by my office (i was an MSDOS developer) shouting "OS/2 OS/2 OS/2" letting us know our project was doomed.
Re:Congratulate "Sir William" and move on by rixstep · 2004-01-25 11:44 · Score: 3, Funny

the difference between an honorary knighthood and a "real" one eludes me

The real ones are cheaper.
EULA by xixax · 2004-01-25 14:27 · Score: 5, Funny

When a person is knighted, the ruling monarch touches that person on each shoulder with a sword, while saying the traditional words.
"By accepting this offer, you accept the terms and conditions enclosed..."
Xix.

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