Expert Says Glass Is Major Threat to Birds

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Expert Says Glass Is Major Threat to Birds

Posted by michael on Sunday February 1, 2004 @08:08PM from the fly-slower dept.

dlkf writes "According this AP article, 'Glass is ubiquitous and it's indiscriminate, killing the fit and the unfit... estimates (are) that collisions with glass kill up to 1 billion birds a year in the United States alone.' First wind turbines and now glass. What will they come up with next..."

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What you can't see... by narratorDan · 2004-02-01 20:13 · Score: 2, Funny

...can't hurt you so relax Bob, and keep flying sou..[THUD!]

"Look mommy a dead parrot!"

NarratorDan

--
"If you're not confused by quantum mechanics, you really don't understand it." - Niels Bohr
1. Re:What you can't see... by cujo_1111 · 2004-02-01 21:33 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Mr. Praline : 'Ello. I wish to register a complaint. (The owner has his back to the register and does not respond.) Mr. Praline : 'Ello, Miss?
  
  Owner : (turning around, very angry) What do you mean, "miss"?
  
  Mr. Praline : I'm sorry, I have a cold. (The owner nods, understanding.) I wish to make a complaint!
  
  Owner : (hurriedly) Sorry, we're closin' for lunch...!
  
  Mr. Praline : Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot, what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
  
  Owner : Oh yes, the, ah, the Norwegian Blue... What's, ah... W-what's wrong with it?
  
  Mr. Praline : I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
  
  Owner : No, no, 'e's ah... he's resting.
  
  Mr. Praline : Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
  
  Owner : No no, h-he's not dead, he's, he's restin'!
  
  Mr. Praline : Restin'?
  
  Owner : Y-yeah, restin.' Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn't it, eh? Beautiful plumage!
  
  Mr. Praline : The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead!
  
  Owner : Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
  
  Mr. Praline : All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Polly! Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you wake up, Mr. Polly Parrot... (owner hits the cage)
  
  Owner : There, he moved!
  
  Mr. Praline : No, he didn't, that was you pushing the cage!
  
  Owner : I never!!
  
  Mr. Praline : Yes, you did!
  
  Owner : I never, never.... (He pulls the parrot out of the cage and screams into its ear.)
  
  Mr. Praline : 'ELLO POLLAAAAAAAY! POLL-EE! POLLY PARROT! WAKE UP! (He bangs its head against the store counter, horribly hard.) TESTIIIING! TESTIIIING! THIS IS YOUR NINE-O' CLOCK ALARM CALL! (He does it again, harder.) POLL-EEEEEEE!
  (He tosses it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor. Longish pause.) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
  
  Owner : No, no.... No, he's stunned.
  
  Mr. Praline : STUNNED?
  
  Owner : Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
  
  Mr. Praline : Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
  
  Owner : Well, he's... he's, ah... probably pining for the fjords. (Praline looks angrily back and forth, stuttering.)
  
  Mr. Praline : PININ' for the FJORDS? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
  
  Owner : The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on its back! Remarkable bird, isn't it, guv, eh? Lovely plumage!
  
  Mr. Praline : (coldly) Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there. (pause)
  
  Owner : Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its little pecker, and VOOM!
  
  Mr. Praline : "VOOM?" (Praline puts the cage down and take the parrot into his hands.)
  
  Mr. Praline : Look matey, this parrot wouldn't "voom" if you put four thousand volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!
  
  Owner : It's not! I-It's pining!
  
  Mr. Praline : It's not pinin,' it's passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he would be pushing up the daisies! Its metabolical processes are of interest only to historians! It's hopped the twig! It's shuffled off this mortal coil! It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This.... is an EX-PARROT! (pause)
  
  --
  If I point out that you are incorrect, making me a foe does not make you any more correct.
Legislation is the answer by Catskul · 2004-02-01 20:15 · Score: 4, Funny

Ban Glass !
The greedy Glass manufacturing Corperations are out to ruin our envrionment !.

--

Im not here now... Im out KILLING pepperoni
Imagine the bird killing power of... by idiot900 · 2004-02-01 20:23 · Score: 1, Funny

A Beowulf cluster of glass!

Wait, that's called a "building". Never mind.
Natural alarm clock by nocomment · 2004-02-01 20:23 · Score: 2, Funny

I used to have a bird that crashed into my window every morning at 6:30 sharp. Then one day it stopped. I wondered if it moved but I guess it died.

--
/* oops I accidentally made a comment, sorry */
/* http://allyourbasearebelongto.us */
In Other News... by Seraphim_72 · 2004-02-01 20:53 · Score: 3, Funny

Eating a leading cause of Heart Disease, Wisconsin man discovers that a red cape will not let you fly, Running full force into a wall "really DOES hurt" according to Arkansas resident, and Kids say the cutest things!!
yeesh.

Sera

--
Slashdot, where armchair scientists get shouted down and armchair theologians get modded up.
Re:not much can be done about this by MachDelta · 2004-02-01 20:58 · Score: 2, Funny

Here in Austria we have the shadows of predator birds on most glass stuff that the goverment puts up.
Oh what, the glass isn't enough? You trying to kill all the birds by giving them heart attacks too?! How cruel can you get?!
Birds? by Captain+Splendid · 2004-02-01 21:09 · Score: 4, Funny

What about people? Doesn't everybody here have at least one relative/friend who this has happened to?
In any event, this doesn't affect me. My cats will take down anything within a 100-ft radius of the house, so my windows stay thud-free.

--
Linux, you magnificent bastard, I read the fucking manual!
Re:not much can be done about this by cujo_1111 · 2004-02-01 21:25 · Score: 2, Funny

May they all live long enough to have more sex than I do...

That may not be really all that long you know... you are a nerd after all :)

--
If I point out that you are incorrect, making me a foe does not make you any more correct.
Re:not much can be done about this by cujo_1111 · 2004-02-01 21:36 · Score: 4, Funny

Do you have anything to stop the kangaroos too? :)

--
If I point out that you are incorrect, making me a foe does not make you any more correct.
Re:and killing birds is bad... why? by ocelotbob · 2004-02-01 23:10 · Score: 5, Funny

I dunno. I love birds. A little bbq sauce, an open flame, delicious.

--
Marxism is the opiate of dumbasses
Another reason not to use Windows! by Ron+Bennett · 2004-02-01 23:51 · Score: 5, Funny

..."smart" birds avoid running Windows ;)

Ron
Re:I've known this for years... by Anonymous Coward · 2004-02-02 00:34 · Score: 1, Funny

So patch it up with duck tape. Yuk yuk yuk!!
Just do what my grandmother does by MillionthMonkey · 2004-02-02 05:46 · Score: 3, Funny

She used to have a real problem with the neighborhood birds picking on her cat and stealing its food. So she goes to one of those "Everything 99 Cents" sh8tholes and picks up a long cord of cheap bright yellow tinsel, the kind you'd spiral around a Christmas tree. She takes that tinsel and wraps it all over her porch railings- up and down around and around, so that it's everywhere. I don't know how much the neighbors' property values suffer but it sure keeps the birds away. It's almost as if they have taste. They don't want to be seen anywhere near that stuff.
Re:uh huh by Anonymous Coward · 2004-02-02 11:24 · Score: 1, Funny

Peepin' Tom.