Slashdot Mirror

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

U.S. Plans Targeted Draft for Computer Personnel

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the canadian-border-still-open-for-now dept.

waytoomuchcoffee writes "The US Selective Service System is drawing up plans for a 'special skills draft'. There is already a system in place to draft health care personnel, and this system would be expanded in order to 'rapidly register and draft' computer specialists."

46 of 1,212 comments (clear)

  1. Booyah! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Type 1 diabetes was never this handy! They don't want me anywhere near the military.

    1. Re:Booyah! by Phillup · · Score: 5, Funny

      I was in the Air Force for eight years.

      I remember one of my supervisors telling this little story... he volunteered for the Air Force because he didn't want to get drafted by the Army and sent to some hill in Vietnam with a gun.

      So... he became a "communications specialist"... and was put on a hill in Vietnam... without a gun.

      ;-)

      Nothing like not having to do "real" combat...

      --

      --Phillip

      Can you say BIRTH TAX
    2. Re:Booyah! by DerekLyons · · Score: 2, Funny
      Yeah, I was a comm geek. Didn't stop me from spending time in the hospital recuperating from a firefight. Trust me, it doesn't matter what level of geek you are -- you'll still learn to run-n-staff for every one combat arms soldier.
      That's because you were dumb enough to go into the Army! :) :) Me, I sat out the Cold War (mumble) feet under the North Atlantic. Hot coffee, hot food, predictable deployment schedules... It was almost as good as being in the Air Farce.
    3. Re:Booyah! by Charlton+Heston · · Score: 5, Funny

      Being gay is very handy too. Don't ask don't tell? Well --- if they are shooting at me, I'm definitely telling.

      --
      Get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape
    4. Re:Booyah! by Cousin+Scuzzy · · Score: 3, Funny

      I am on crack! (Take note, Selective Service officers.)

    5. Re:Booyah! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny
      All I know about Bush is I had a job when Clinton was president.

      All I know about Bush and Clinton is that I had the same shitty job during both presidencies. I think they might both be assholes.

    6. Re:Booyah! by rodgerd · · Score: 2, Funny

      Just tell them you're gay. What are they doing to do, demand to see videos?

      (And if they do, just think of it as practise for getting old and needing prostate exams).

  2. You're all safe by whoda · · Score: 5, Funny

    Just say you don't know how to use Microsoft products.

    1. Re:You're all safe by arcanumas · · Score: 2, Funny

      OR that you have been reading Slashdot

      --
      Slashdot Sig. version 0.1alpha. Use at your own risk.
  3. Woah! I better prevent myself from the draft! by DarkFencer · · Score: 5, Funny

    'rapidly register and draft' computer specialists

    Better go out and start writing my e-mail with Outlook Express! That will immediately prove I am not a computer specialist

  4. I thought by JoeBaldwin · · Score: 5, Funny

    I thought they were outsourcing these things :)

    Next up: Outsourcing missile control to China...

    --
    I'm amazing. You aren't. SUCK IT
  5. Re:Woah! I better prevent myself from the draft! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    you dont know how to close I tags either!

  6. Count me in ! by Average_Joe_Sixpack · · Score: 4, Funny

    Can't wait to design Access databases for the government. Just hope there isn't too much data, else my listboxes might be hard to scroll.

  7. Will.. by barenaked · · Score: 5, Funny

    Will they be outsourcing this draft to india as well?

  8. Re:never too late... by spazoid12 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Or... to learn how to spell "Rob Malda".

  9. wow by way2trivial · · Score: 2, Funny
    did you ever read a 2 line post- and miss half of it- at the same time you were telling someone else to read?

    note to kids at home- don't post on slashdot while you are on the phone
    (sorry)

    --
    every day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
  10. Re:Related Question: Benefits of Voluntary Service by Average_Joe_Sixpack · · Score: 3, Funny

    What's a guy make with a freshly-minted bachellaureate in computer science make

    About 7 bucks an hour at the local Wal-Mart

  11. actually by NSupremo · · Score: 1, Funny

    Microsoft will be a safe haven for people wanting to dodge the draft.

    Only an administration as inept as the current one would be so ignorant as to choose Microsoft employees for this endeavor.

    --
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_U.S._Election_co ntroversies_and_irregularities
  12. All right you little maggots! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Drop and give me twenty shell scripts!

    1. Re:All right you little maggots! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      "Drop and give me twenty shell scripts!"

      "You call that a Makefile?!"

    2. Re:All right you little maggots! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      "Drop and give me twenty shell scripts!"

      "You call that a Makefile?!"

      "All I see here are a bunch of script-kiddie wannabe's whose idea of a dependency is eating Pop Tarts bought at the Safeway by their mother!!

      "Now I wanna see you pukes give me a static pattern rule with conditional execution under the recursion I'm seeing because your pointy heads are up your asses!!"

  13. Re:But... by prat393 · · Score: 4, Funny

    How about this: if you can evade the FBI's wiretaps, then you get drafted.

  14. Re:Woah! I better prevent myself from the draft! by DarkFencer · · Score: 4, Funny

    Don't spill my secret plan to the world!

  15. slashdotters are safe, at least by dankney · · Score: 2, Funny

    No worries about slashdotters getting drafted. We'd still have to pass the physical ...

  16. This is Dubya's revenge by craXORjack · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...for all those jokes we made about him on Slashdot!

    --
    Liberals call everyone Nazis yet they are the closest thing to it.
  17. Re:Equal Oppertunity! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    this is likely to be a moot issue.

    I think you mean "mute". Moot isn't a word.

  18. Oh come on by Forkenhoppen · · Score: 3, Funny

    Why don't they, like, have a special draft for lawyers? Why pick on us techies? Okay, sure they won't be much use in battle, but still.. wouldn't everyone like to see the fellas at SCO trying to put a restraining order on an Iraqi guerilla army?

  19. How will they find us? by calmdude · · Score: 3, Funny

    I wonder how they will be able to know if we are indeed experts in our field? Will they draft only the pioneers of our field? Only those names that have published books?

    Perhaps they'll surf Monster.com for resumes.

  20. Re:sure, why not? by crackshoe · · Score: 2, Funny

    things to add to below market rates: insane perks.

    --
    Don't worry - its just stigmata. Pass me a napkin and don't you dare tell my mother.
  21. Re:But... by iminplaya · · Score: 4, Funny

    How will they even know if a computer programmer is a computer programmer?

    They check your slashdot user ID number. If it's low enough, you're in. Just like the old draft lottery in the 70's.

    --
    What?
  22. Re:Freedom comes at a price by dancingmad · · Score: 2, Funny

    And what exactly is with the idea of giving something back to the website that makes your way of life possible? Pretty damn typical of anti-Slashdot comments on Slashdot - demand everything, give nothing, and complain about it.

    --
    "There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter," Jeeves, (Jeeves and the Impending Doom)
  23. WooHoo! by Blue+Eagle+26 · · Score: 0, Funny

    I have never been so glad to be morbidly obese! Im exempt! Im so excited! Woooooooooooooooo! *Cough* *Hack* *oh god my heart*

  24. Re:Woah! I better prevent myself from the draft! by stefanlasiewski · · Score: 4, Funny

    Aha! Clever, you just proved that you can't even keep your secret plan secret!

    --
    "Can of worms? The can is open... the worms are everywhere."
  25. you're giving me root :) by geeklawyer · · Score: 2, Funny

    OK, so it's a time of national crisis: a few more system failures and the US goes down the pan. You're going to solve this problem by giving Slashdotters root on DoD and FBI computers?

    It's a plan, but I can see a few eensy teeny flaws...

    --
    -he who laughs last, is a bit slow.
    journal
  26. WooHoo!!! by geekoid · · Score: 2, Funny

    A shot at employment!

    --
    The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
  27. Two words: Colonel Stallman by Just+Some+Guy · · Score: 2, Funny

    Enough said. :)

    --
    Dewey, what part of this looks like authorities should be involved?
  28. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 2, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  29. Re:never too late... by Blue+Stone · · Score: 2, Funny
    Um ... The Guv'munt(TM) gave you a way to avoid the draft on-a-plate:

    Fire up Diana Ross's "I'm Coming Out" on your stereo, and tell them how you like a man in uniform.

    Sometimes, prejudice can be good.

    --
    Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. - Ambrose Bierce
  30. Re:I knew it! by geekoid · · Score: 2, Funny

    Interesting, except they HAVE your records of what they have trained you to do.
    They have access to what you do in the real world.

    How to stay off the front lines.
    Top ten list of skills:
    10) Astronaut
    9) Super-Model Judge
    8) Gay Porn Actor
    7) Al-Quada oppertive
    6) Ashcroft's 'Love monkey'
    5) Keeper of the 'Bush snorts coke' picture archive.
    4) Howard stern fan..no wait that would ba how TO get to the front lines.
    3) Nipple piercer(work recently shown my Janet Jackson)
    2) Slashdot troll
    1) Cowboy Neal!

    --
    The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
  31. Your government promises full employment! by Zhe+Mappel · · Score: 3, Funny
    Rejoice, citizens!

    Thanks to the economic benefits of imperial war, you can soon return to the jobs that major US corporations regrettably had to ship overseas to boost their CEOs' and shareholders' profits. Those profits simply were not high enough after a decade of record earnings! Now that our economy is unable to provide jobs, we will create jobs by fighting for, er, freedom!

    Outsourcing was a painful lesson; we understand. But with our exciting new insourcing, you'll be right back doing what you're used to - writing software, patching Microsoft technology, and answering basic user questions (but politely this time, or we'll have to mercilessly beat you, ha ha!). Heck, we'll even throw in room and board. Can Starbucks give you that?

    Now, you're asking: O Mighty and Glorious Leader Bush, what do I have to do to make myself more deserving? At ease, citizen. Remember: the Enemy is everywhere, and he has no respect for frequent backups or the single-OS monopoly that is the foundation of our free society. Keep your shoes shined and your trap shut, and we'll be in touch when the time comes to fight for the CEOs!

  32. Re:But... by Erbo · · Score: 2, Funny
    Well, guess I'm screwed then...wonder if they'll let us come up with our own cadences?

    "Linux users are the best!"
    "Linux users are the best!"
    "Microsoft don't pass the test!"
    "Microsoft don't pass the test!"
    "Sound off!"
    "One! Two!"
    "Sound off!"
    "Three! Four!"
    "Bring it on down!"
    "One, two, three, four, one, two, THREE-FOUR!"

    That's if we don't just decide to start singing "Do-Wah-Diddy-Diddy"...

    --
    Be who you are...and be it in style!
  33. Heh. by Black+Parrot · · Score: 3, Funny


    I'm an Ada programmer; I'm the last person they'll want!

    --
    Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
  34. This is my distro by pherris · · Score: 5, Funny

    "THIS IS MY DISTRO. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My distro is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master 'Vice City'."

    --
    "And a voice was screaming: 'Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?'" - HST
  35. Re:But... by Wakko+Warner · · Score: 2, Funny

    They check your slashdot user ID number. If it's low enough, you're in. Just like the old draft lottery in the 70's.

    Oh, fuck.

    - A.P.

    --
    "Remember when the U.S. had a drug problem, and then we declared a War On Drugs, and now you can't buy drugs anymore?"
  36. Re:Freedom comes at a price by frank_adrian314159 · · Score: 2, Funny
    Frankly, given a choice between firing a shot at either Ashcroft or a random Iraqi citizen, I can tell you right now who I'd be aiming at.

    Yeah, Ashcroft *is* pretty bad - even his own pancreas is trying to kill him...

    --
    That is all.
  37. Re:How is this off-topic? by leifm · · Score: 4, Funny

    One the bright side this may be the only way I ever get a coding job.

    --

    "Windows Me offers tremendous reliability and stability improvements..." -- Paul Thurott