Slashdot Mirror
Mars Terraforming Debate
blackhelicopter writes "This Guardian article describes the implications of terraforming Mars - the subject of NASA's forthcoming debate. Quote from Dr Lisa Pratt, a Nasa astrobiologist, concerning life probably already on Mars: 'We simply cannot risk starting a global experiment that would wipe out the precious sensitive evidence we are seeking'."
America, eh folks? It's a pretty screwed up place. Unfortunately, but not indefinitely, the USA's weapons of mass destruction make it the most powerful country in the world (militarily). As a result, it helps to be aware of American society and fit into it, and our quick 8-step guide should have you on the path to burger-munching enlightenment.
1 - Buy yourself a gun
To become a fully-fledged Yank, you'll need to get a weapon. Americans think that having more killing machines magically makes their country safer, and it helps them to walk around saying "I'll put a cap in your ass". Even though the concept of "no guns = no gun-related crimes" is alien to the average Yank, it'll give you a false sense of security in this country with the highest crime rates in the developed world.
2 - Put on at least 25 stone
Skinny? Medium? Chubby? That won't cut it in the good ol' US of A. Because America has the highest obesty levels on the planet, you'll need to get those rolls of flab built up. Eating 18 waffles with Maple syrup for breakfast (and visiting Burger King five times in a day) is all natural when much of the world is suffering massive poverty. Get fat and fit in.
3 - Learn the lingo
We've talked about issues affecting society, but on a personal level you'll need more knowledge (or ignorance as it may be) to fit in. First, forget proper English. Confuse "your" with "you're". Say "must of" instead of "must have". Whenever anything interesting occurs, say "shucks" repeatedly. Instead of clever spontaneity or witty insults, call people "asswipes". It's funny!
4 - Throw away all maps, history books etc.
To really feel a part of American society, you must lose all knowledge of the world. Forget where Poland is. Scrap your knowledge of the lengthy Chinese history. Make cretinous remarks like "India? Is that in Africa?". Because ALL that matters is America, and it doesn't matter how pathetic you look to educated people the world over.
5 - Become totally irrational and nonsensical
Spout on about the Constitution, and then make drastic changes to it. Talk about "freedom of speech" and watch TV programmes about the Ku Klux Klan. Rant on about market freedom, and sit back as companies run riot and destroy the economy with their anti-competitive practices. Essentially, act idiotic at all times.
6 - Sue everyone you ever meet
The USA doesn't produce many decent quality products, so the society is crumbling into a litigation-happy joke. With so many jobs going overseas to talented workers, your only option left is to start legal proceedings. About anything. Someone step on your toe? Get some hotshot downtown lawyer to sue their ass!
7 - Get a "shrink"
Americans have a hard time dealing with their own problems in a mature manner, and prefer to spend hundreds of dollars sitting in front of someone and whinging. However trivial your problems may be, blast them out like a baby!
8 - Watch abysmal TV
Forget educational programmes and incisive documentaries. Your ideal night in is with your gun, six cheeseburgers and a Friends box set. Watch as some over-paid talentless "actor" enters the scene, and whoop and scream hysterically as he delivers some ridiculously poor wisecrack.
So there you have it! Those 8 steps should have you killing innocent people, piling on pounds and acting like a moron in no time. America awaits you, brave hero! Just get out before it collapses in disarray.
I don't see a problem in *creating* the life ourselves. Terraform the planet, destroy the existing life, and put some new junk there.
... that way people can have a guarantee that they'll go to heaven when they die.
That will also solve the problem of who "god" is (at least for the newly created martians). And it would make earth a sort of heaven from their perspective.
One day we will all move to mars, and use Earth as a big garbage dump...
I'll start a company that sends the remains of the dead back to Earth for burial
I would be the new Saviour...
Seems like a great way for us to shoot our nukes. Sure if there is life, it might die, unless they are cockroaches. What else would live on mars?
exSlashdot subscriber
unsociable suavely congener ,
.ce is onlly 32.00 . That is a s-aving of 254.00
i dd oberman.%62uye%2Dsoft%2E%62i%7A/%30/p/?cycadales-b arnaclesbiennial-linaceae
Your needed soft wares at Rock Bottom pri ce!
* What you bought previously was go to shop & buuy a WINDOWS XP Pro that comes with a BOX & serial number & the manual cosst 299.00
** What you will get from us is The full WINDOWS XP Pro s.o.f.t.w.a.r.e & serial number. It works exactly the same, but you don't get the manual and box and the pri
Adobe Creative Suite (5 cds) -- 55.00
Adobe Phot0Shop CS 8.0 (1 cd) -- 32.00
3D Studio Max 6.0 (3 cds) -- 50.00
Adobe Premiere Pro 7.0 (1 cd) -- 32.00
Alias Wavefront Maya 5.0 Unlimited -- 40.00
AutoCAD 2004 -- 32.00
Autodesk Architectural Desktop 2004 -- 32.00
Cakewalk Sonar 3 Producer Edition (3 cds) -- 36.00
Canopus ProCoder 1.5 (1 cd) -- 25.00
Corel Draw 12 Graphic Suite (3 cds) -- 32.00
Dragon Naturally Speaking Preferred 7.0 -- 25.00
Macromedia Dreamweaver MX 2004 v7.0 -- 25.00
Macromedia Fireworks MX 2004 v7.0 -- 32.00
Macromedia Flash MX 2004 v7.0 Professional -- 30.00
Macromedia Studio MX 2004 (1 cd) -- 50.00
Microsoft Money 2004 Deluxe (1 cd) -- 20.00
Microsoft Office 2003 System Professional (5 cds) -- 40.00
Microsoft Office 2003 Multilingual User Interface Pack (2 cds) -- 25.00
Microsoft Project 2002 Pro -- 32.00
Microsoft Publisher XP 2002 -- 20.00
Microsoft Visio for Enterprise Architects 2003 -- 25.00
Microsoft Windows XP Corporate Edition with SP1 -- 40.00
Microsoft Windows XP Professional -- 32.00
N0rton Antivirus 2004 Pro v10.0.0.109 -- 20.00
N0rton SystemWorks Pro 2004 (1 cd) -- 20.00
Download your soft ware from our Superfast (100mbits connection) site & you will be given your own exclusive registration key to register the soft ware you bought from us, and now you have your own registered copy of soft ware (will never expired again)
It's OEM version of soft ware which is an Original/Genuine soft ware, strictly no piracy soft ware
We only have 12 copies for each software title to sell, will not sell more than 12 copies:
Start using your needed soft ware now
http://drs.yahoo.com/balloonery/*http://mongolo
Eat a dick.
Ya know, I just about had my fill of Whitey on the moon.
I think I'll send these doctor bills
airmail special....
to Whitey on the moon.
I'm pretty attached to my testicles. But if it is for the good of humanity, i guess i could stand a little seperation from them.
no guns != no gun crimes no guns = not possible how the heck would we get guns from law breakers? guns only saved 40,000 lives last year sure, they also killed 30,000, but still we'll never terraform mars if we cant figure out basic logic. You can't name a decent place on earth that doesnt owe some debt to american blood. america has plenty of problems, but unlike most of the world, we openly discuss them. you wont go to jail in america for booing the national anthem, unlike france, or ,say... north korea
i shouldnt have fed the troll i guess, but jeez, technology owes itself completely to america, even the stuff developed elsewhere owes itself completely to america. german japanese etc. what would those engineers be doing under an emperor other than producing a better people controlling army?
Even though the concept of "no guns = no gun-related crimes" is alien to the average Yank, it'll give you a false sense of security in this country with the highest crime rates in the developed world.
:)
It seems the violent crime rates in Britain and Australia went up significantly with stricter gun laws.
Perhaps one would do good to take care of their own back yard before complaining about their neighbor.
2 - Put on at least 25 stone
From my experience of actually being an American, there is a wide gulf forming between the ultra-fat and ultra-fit. They both have commercial markets that cater to their needs. Fat people are good for the economy.
3 - Learn the lingo
Or alternately, become one of those annoying, self righteous spelling nazi's that NOBODY likes.
5 - Become totally irrational and nonsensical
Or, dwell on the past of your once great empire and invent anything you can to poke fun at the Americans because it helps you overcome the pain of the fact that you got your asses kicked a while back and are now our lapdog.
6 - Sue everyone you ever meet
Or, bend over and accept your "station" in life. Become a big pussy that accepts a class structure and never strive to be anything better than what you were "born" to be.
7 - Get a "shrink"
Or, do nothing about your repressed problems and feelings and declare the entire field of psychotherapy voodoo. Become the most annoying race of people on earth with your bottled up psychosis. Take that superiority complex and decide to impose your systems of "checks and balances and order" on the world, only to get your asses beaten the whole way back to your island.
8 - Watch abysmal TV
Or, watch abysmal TV. Your TV isn't much better bub. I've watched it while trying to choak down that crap you people call "food" over there while staying in what you people think a 5 star hotel is.
For every annoying gentoo user, are three even more annoying anti-gentoo crybabies. Take Yosh from #Gimp for example.
Doing useful science like many people have done so for the majority of scientific history.
It's that we need to crush any possible adversary. It's like killing a baby hitler... sooo easy...
Show fuzzy satellite shots that indicate that the martians are developing WMD's and missiles that can fly more than 60 light years.
And if you thought that was boring you obviously havn't read my Journal ;-)
Quick! The sun may bloat up and destroy us in a couple billion years! Somebody do something!
--- Ban humanity.
Where can see aliens?
Only in Sedna.
Going to Sedna we've got aliens.
Where can see spacemen?
Only in Sedna.
Got aliens and spacemen only in Sedna.
Forget Mars!
[Mars?
Population: 'fossil'
No. Of aliens = 0
No. Of spacemen = 0
Main Export : Rock
Rock < Alien = Sedna wins
More like Schmars! ]
Sedna,
oh Sedna,
[If Sedna was to physically urinate all over Mars(*) as well as metaphorically then the orange dotted line on the right would indicate the most probable trajectory to ensure a good coverage. (*)This is a fairly rare ocurance though.]
where the Grey's are,
and the Green's are.
Sedna, Sedna Sedna Sedna.
Sedna, we're going to Sedna.
Can you believe it?
[free space-suit with every visit.]
I think post sums up why people like the original poster have problems with America.
OK whoever posted the original was overexaggerating, off the mark and needed a decent reply.
Is this the best you can come up with?! Waffling on about how the world (somewhat inexplicably) owes America a huge favour, and owes its technological prowess to Americans without any proof, reasoning or even correct grammar just fuels anti American sentiment.
Exactly.
And if you thought that was boring you obviously havn't read my Journal ;-)
Sounds like a damn Red to me!
japanese etc. what would those engineers be doing under an emperor other than producing a better people controlling army?
Isn't that what America does, more or less?
Hey and i thought that Governor Arnie did that ages ago....
Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't...
you're grammar aint perfect either, I dont particularly care about that though, its a hominem attack. further, i dont need to justify why the world owes the US. clearly the US has had several options to conquor and rule other countries. Vietnam, Korea, Germany, Yugoslavia, Iraq, etc. We instead take the much harder path of trying to build an independent country that has full freedom to disagree with us who gave them their free speech. There is no such thing as natural morality. The world is truly governed by power. We have it, and we don't use it to our advantage, we instead have given Japan, Germany, etc. the most vibrant and free societies out there. I also didn't waffle about anything, I never changed my mind, and I didn't assert any favor owed, merely a debt that exists. The united states owes every single culture out there becuase every innovation we have came from immigrants from everywhere. I dont really care that there is antiamerican sentiment, that's just typical childishness, as is your completely hominem approach to logic. Try telling me what America gained through spending so much money on Yugoslavia or Germany to give them real social organizations. It would have been easier to simply use their resources by force. Certainly we have the power, but relent. I don't mean to troll, but frankly if people have problems with america becuase of the opinion of one person, well, I don't choose to respond directly, that's just bigotry. The great thing about america is that we are very open about our mistakes (many) and very pointed about disagreed solutions. When I think about where innovation comes from, it is pretty much always from either the US, or some other country that we spent a great deal to civilize and then left with no profit beyond peace. We always could have plundered. Think a little bit for yourself. I dont need to tell you everything. I understand that many younger countries are jealous or America's old age and success, and that's ok, it doesn't bother me. I'm not going to turn around and then teach them what they should be decent enough to learn themselves.