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Scotts Testing Genetically Modified Grass
Caseyscrib writes "There is an article on Yahoo! News that talks about how Scotts is testing a genetically modified version of creeping bentgrass, popular on golf course greens and fairways, that will be resistant to a common weed-killing chemical. Environmentalists have long opposed bioengineered crops of any kind, and fear that '...if it was to escape onto public land, we wouldn't know how to control it.' It is now in the final stages of approval."
Scotts makes toilet paper, not grass. WTF??? I don't know if I want my grass messed with, guys. Maui Wowie made by a toilet paper company? What will they think of next? I hope they don't want me to wipe my ass with it...
welcome our new genetically engineered creeping bentgrass overlords.
What do you do, lie on to for a while, and seee if tries to swallow you
Oh no! How are we going to stop the smooth, soft, vibrant grass that they use on golf courses from overtaking our lawns!?
Please. I beg you. Dump some of this on my lawn.
Pulp Audio Weekly - Geek News and Reviews
...testing a genetically modified ... creeping ... resistant to killing ... fear that ... if it was to escape ... we wouldn't know how to control it
Shouldn't this be in the games section?
I haven't heard anybody complain how we tampered with Mother Nature to create these modern crops.
And look at it this way. If this grass spreads beyond control...everything becomes a golf course... SWEET
I want a genetically-modified grass that:
(1) never needs mowing
(2) runs Linux
(3) fires warning lasers at door-to-door solicitors (may include the religious type)
(4) emits pheromones to attract gorgeous women
(5) each blade serves as an access point for a wireless network
(6) emulates all known video game consoles
(7) kills all insects upon contact
(8) blocks spy satellite scans
(9) makes julienne fries
The coolest voice ever.
I believe the environmentalists are more afraid that the mutant grass will become self-aware and begin to assimilate native grasses into some sort of "collective".
If this stuff spreads off the golf course, does the maker come after you for a patent violation?
They are copying SCO's business plan: give it away freely and then claim IP rights on it later.
Uhura thought those tribbles were cute and harmless, until they overran the ship and ate all the grain. What will we eat when this relentlessly pleasant grass overtakes all our crops?
The human race will not end in a dark nuclear apocalyptic wasteland, but rather in a cheerfull, neatly-kept lawn, covering the entire land mass of the planet.
Slow down there, pal. Things are just moving too quickly. We can't adopt new technologies without testing them (they test them thoroughly, we just say that) and they're crossing animals and plants for frankenfood (though this only happens in the lab and never in production).
Yep, it's safest to just sit on our hands and do nothing. Oh, and let's keep Microsoft around, what dangers lurk in the dark corners of Linux?
Ned Ludd
Nuclearsharkgrass...hey, thanks for my new punk band name!
...
By an assistant greenskeeper: "The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff."
Here in Australia (the second driest continent on Earth*), it is traditional to set lawnmower blades about 1 centimeter (just under 1/2 inch for those with 12 fingers) BELOW the surface of the soil. This results in "lawns" that are uniformly barren.
If this grass gets out of control, I propose a squad of Australian gardeners be sent to tackle the problem. Best part of this plan is that most Australians will work for beer**.
*Only Antarctica has less free water than Australia.
**As long as it isn't Foster's Lager. As the saying goes, "Foster's is like having sex in a row-boat: its as close to f@#king water as you can get"
Oh, the horror!
Entire towns covered with perfect grass!
Golfers playing through neighborhoods!
Geese in every front yard and in every pot!
it started in the 80's:
"This is my own hybrid. It's a mix between Kentucky Bluegrass and Northern California sensimila. The great thing about this is you can play 36 holes on it take it home and then get stoned to the bejeesus with it."
Do you also oppose research on making softer toilet paper through the same line of reasoning?
Heh. No, for two reasons:
1. It's not diverting resources from other, more useful research -- the people doing research on toilet paper would probably not be doing research on any of the applications I mentioned if they weren't working on TP instead.
2. Most people don't play golf, but everybody has to wipe their ass.
The correlation between ignorance of statistics and using "correlation is not causation" as an argument is close to 1.
You make light of this, but it's a serious concern. For example, no one can compete against their neighbor for the best lawn, so in the interest of keeping the 'keeping up with the Jones's' tradition, everyone will start having ugly-lawn competitions.
Also, try to picture there being no more ugly rocky dirt lots....no more childhood knee scrapes! An entire generation unable to experience a normal childhood!
Please, think of the children.I always knew golfing would lead to the downfall of humanity.
we could ... kill half the worlds population with nukes, do you think we should?
Hmmm... Hmmm.... Which half of the population?
.
[joke people!]
First the environmentalists complain that we are paving the earth. Now they're complaining that grass threatens to run rampant over the planet, wreaking its revenge on asphalt and concrete everywhere.
The ones that glow in the dark ?
Or to be more helpful, it's pre-castration. The plants grow, but they don't reproduce.
Just think Jurassic Park... oh wait, you're not supposed to think that.
The human race will not end in a dark nuclear apocalyptic wasteland, but rather in a cheerfull, neatly-kept lawn, covering the entire land mass of the planet.
Cool! Sounds like Teletubbies land!!
Go here to find out which Teletubbies charcter you are, but oh my, this doesn't seem right....
Three Squirrels
Let college students play golf on it. That's the fastest way I know to tear up golf course fairways...
Is it just my observation, or are there way too many stupid people in the world?
Why go through all the bother of engineering this new grass when they can just do the following:
1) Engineer a type of Badger/Mole hybrid
2) Change the 'Eats:' variable to weeds
3) Pump up the 'Hunger' variable
4) Give it some of that cool red Terminator vision for scoping out weeds (think 'Target Identified')
5) ???
6) Profit!
Much easier.
Mother, do you think they'll like this sig?
I think people have not yet realised the company's plan of profit.
1. Make genetically modified grass.
2. Wait until it is accidentally spread to rest of town's/city's lawns eg. wind.
3. Sue whole town/city for patent violation because there is no way their intellectual property aka the grass could have got into people's lawns without them stealing the seed. This is because mankind can control nature with pinpoint control. If we say the grass won't spread because we cut it short enough, then damn it, nature will fall in place whether it likes it or not.
4. Profit!
The sad part is given past court cases they would actually have a very good chance of winning their case in court...
Skinner: "Well, I was wrong; the lizards are a godsend."
Lisa: "But isn't that a bit shortsited? What happens when we're overrun by lizards?"
Skinner: "No problem. We simply release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards."
Lisa: "But aren't the snakes even worse?"
Skinner: "Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat."
Lisa: "But then we're stuck with gorillas!"
Skinner: "No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death."
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
-- Pablo Picasso
A cross between Kentucky Bluegrass and California Sensimilla. Especially if I'm going to be playing 18 holes on it.
Those can be a problem but the resistance is usually to only one or two kinds of herbicide. As far as I know there have been no tillage resistant plants released. (tongue deeply in cheek)
Oh no!
Golf course grass has been in danger of escaping into the natural world for many many years now! It has been straining at the borders of the course waiting to devour the natual environment. The only thing that has prevented this is the ever vigilant application of Roundup.
Oh wait. This isn't the case at all.