Slashdot Mirror
DNA Computer Detects, Treats Disease
Arthur Dent '99 writes "According to this article at Reuters, Israeli scientists at the Weizmann Institute have developed a DNA computer which can automatically detect and treat prostate cancer and a form of lung cancer in laboratory experiments. Theoretically, a person could be injected with this computer, and it would detect and treat any diseased cells at the earliest stages of development, perhaps preventing the disease altogether."
Would be a bit hard to swallow. I hope it's at least one of those small form factor [i.e. shuttle PC] designs.
...developed a DNA computer which can automatically detect and treat prostate cancer
That computer had damn well be running a stable version of Linux if it is operating on/near/in my colon!
Somehow knowing that a Windows machine could give me the "brown screen of death" doesn't sit easy with me!
i for one, welcome our new closed source gene modifying software overlords
For some reason I have the following image in my head. Blame it on it being 8:40am and me having spent the last 16hrs working, if you will.
:/
Dave returns from hospital.
Dave is feeling better.
Dave sits down in his comfortable chair to watch the television.
Dave relaxes.
Dave looks confused as his hand all of a sudden starts moving, finds a piece of paper, and writes "Buy Cheerios!!!" on it.
Dave curses, "Damn it".
Dave looks even more confused as he stands up, walks towared the phone, and makes a phonecall to a number that his hand doesn't allow him to see.
Dave whispers something into the phone, and then sits back down in his chair.
Dave curses again, "Damn spyware"
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor. " "Listen, don't waste time," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs five pounds. . . a lot quicker and better than a doctor. " So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Asda.
He deposits five pounds, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks"
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Asda, eager to check the results. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. and thank you for shopping at Asda.