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Our Friend, The Meter
dbirchall writes "Upon hearing that SpaceShipOne reached 100km today, I did some hasty math based on the altitude in feet sttated by Scaled Composites in their press release, and was surprised to come up with a number under 100,000 meters. Fortunately, a friend pointed out that my inches-to-meters conversion was flawed. Some quick Googling determined that lots of people still have no idea how many inches are in a meter, even after some folks have had big problems because of conversion errors."
I want my flying car!
To: CowBoy Neal
From: CmdrTaco
Subject: Man to Man
Dear CowBoy Neal,
Most of the time, a man can't keep his yap shut longer'n a pack-mule takes to do its business. Other times, he knows exactly what's on his mind but the words just don't seem to come. That's a little old-west wisdom my granpop used to say to me, and I figured it'd strike a chord since, you like him, have the dementia-inspired idea that you're a cowboy. Of course your dementia comes from advanced venereal disease rather than Alzheimer's, but I think you can see where I'm going with this.
As you know, my life is a mess. Academically, I was unable to meet even the modest requirements set by the Christian school for handicapped children to which my long-suffering parents shipped me off in a short bus, my youthful head nuzzled in the warmth of my hockey-helmet. Professionally, I'm reduced to filtering out penis-bird ASCII art for a firm that's moved from swindling venture capitalists to supporting offshore outsourcing. Even in the low-expectations circle-jerk that is the Open Source Software world, my list of contributions is lamer than Eric Raymond's, and I don't even have the self-adulatory published rants to show for it. My only solace is my sweet, sweet Kathleen; and I fear before long she too may be lost. So that's why I have to ask you the most important thing I've ever asked anybody in my whole life, man to man. CowBoy Neal, I need you to fuck me in the ass.
My life has become so self-serving and pathetic that only the painful, masculine jolt that a brutal ass-rooting can give could possibly help me. In order to save my job, my marriage, and my life, you must pound some sense into my pale, flagging body - anally, with minimal lubrication. Before you get all homophobic on me, I have three things to say. First, I *need* this, I need it badly, and you know it. Second, it's a beautiful thing for one straight man to fuck another up the ass. You think _Oz_ won an Emmy for nothing? Third - come on, who are you fucking kidding?
Please consider my proposition carefully. I (and my rectum) await your reply.
Sincerely,
CmdrTaco
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Fuck, even in the future nothing works. Did you Make Out Today?
TW
Television is dead. Long live That Weasel Television
You mean it's not 42 ? Oh wait..
It's 0300 in the morning and I haven't been asleep for a long time. Give me a fscking break.
I have five Gmail invites to the first five people who ask.
Please include the first and last name that you wish to use.
chasuk@gmail.com
Neopets - the best free game on the Int
You /. yourself? Geek insult? Go /. yourself? Naw not a insult, that is a complement!
Inches and feet are based on measurements from the pyramids, which were built by aliens using an intergalactic measurement. When they come back and find out a bunch of people have changed, they are not going to be very happy, except with the ones who still use inches and feet.
Spare me o alien masters!