DoJ - Making Data Public Would 'Crash System'

orthogonal writes "The Justice Department today denied Freedom of Information Act requests to make public data on foreign lobbyists, claiming that '[i]mplementing such a request risks a crash that cannot be fixed and could result in a major loss of data, which would be devastating'. The requestor responded that '[t]his was a new one on us. We weren't aware there were databases that could be destroyed just by copying them,' Bob Williams of the Center for Public Integrity said Tuesday. Maybe we should tell John Ashcroft about open source database and copying solutions?"

Comments

Ahhh...

[lukewarmfusion]

And that's why you shouldn't use Access for your Enterprise Solutions.

Re:Ahhh...

[beacher]

I heard it was one big Excel workbook with a tab for every SSN#.

Re:Ahhh...

[Niet3sche]

Obligatory Simpsons quote follows:

Mr. Burns: Lets see, social security number. Nought nought nought nought nought nought nought nought two. Damn Roosevelt!

Re:Ahhh...

[tunabomber]

Oh, c'mon. If our government can build cruise missiles that can reliably fly through the goalposts of a football field after being launched from hundreds of miles away, I don't think they'd be using Bronze age technology for storing our vital public records.
I'm sure that they designed a new high-density storage medium that encodes bits of information as the polarizations of photons bouncing around in nanoscale optical cavities.
After storing all that data, the government realized that thanks to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, if we now attempt to read the information, we will destroy its quantum state, thus destroying the data in the process.
I'm sure that's it- they're just dumbing down the details so that us SlashDotters can understand it... *snicker*

Re:Ahhh...

[Rei]

I heard it was one huge tank full of colored, irregularly shaped rocks tied to notes. You just tell the tank's dolphin to pick up the teal-tinted green-sparkling mauve rock shaped like a triangle with a hook at one end, and you've got the record for AIPAC's 4813rd lobbyist to enter the US.... ... Whoops, my mistake. I just checked it out, and I was confusing the DoJ's lobbying database system with the Pentagon's accounting system. Sorry!

Re:Ahhh...

[Brandybuck]

That's still a darn sight better than http colon slash slash slash dot dot org...

Re:Ahhh...

[tunabomber]

A redundant acronym on Slashdot?! Well I never! I can hardly believe my LCD display!

Re:Ahhh...

[dasmegabyte]

Actually, he wrote "Social Security Number Hash," which is exactly the data structure *I* would use to organize them.

Re:Ahhh...

[dasmegabyte]

thanks to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle

We can't know what the data is because somebody wanted to know how fast they were entering it?

Re:Ahhh...

[another_henry]

He must work for the Department of Redundancy Department.

Anyway, I'm off to use the ATM machine.. if only I can remember my PIN number.

Re:Ahhh...

[Jodka]

"if only I can remember my PIN number"

A "PI number" would be even more difficult to remember.

So I think "PIN number" is more rational.

Re:Ahhh...

[Fulcrum of Evil]

I believe that would be "Social Security Number Sharp".

This raises the question 'what would SSN flat sound like? Maybe SSM#?

Re:Ahhh...

[Jeremi]

You have a long way to go.

Nonsense! Memorizing all the digits in Pi is easy. From memory, here they are: 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.

Re:Ahhh...

[fireman sam]

Or, if you were giving directions to slashdot for a complete novice:

http shift colon, no hold down shift and press the button with the two dots one on top of the other, good. forward slash, no that is back slash, yes, that's it, and another one, yes a forward slash. Now type slashot, no don't press slash then dot, type the words in. yeah, s l a s h, d o t. now press full stop. and type o r g. Now press the enter key.

error: http;\\slash.dot.org not found

Well, we could...

[th1ckasabr1ck]

Maybe we should tell John Ashcroft about open source database and copying solutions?"

Well we could, but then he would have to come up with ANOTHER bogus reason. Cut him some slack, the man works hard enough as it is.

Re:Well, we could...

[Tackhead]

> In other news this evening, internet discussion forum Slashdot.org personality CowboyNeal presented a petition in Washington, D.C. in which 10,000 database professionals demanded polygraph tests for Attorney General John Ashcroft."

Dude. Read between the liens. Ashcroft knows that making data on foreign lobbyists would result in a YRO Slashdot article on the front page, with predictable results for the poor server on the other end of the line.

We just pwn3d the entire USDOJ today, without firing a single HTTP GET. And Ashcroft just humbled himself - in public - before our mighty geekness.

Now you want polygraph tests? Dude, it's over. We won.

A couple thousand "WE PWN3D J00!" and "ALL YOUR DOJ ARE BELONG TO SLASHDOT" would have sufficed. No need to rub it in. Let's be sporting about this and gracious in our victory.

A New Low

[JaxGator75]

Must... Resist... Urge... to Kill...

In other news, I won't be paying my taxes this year as I firmly believe the influx of cash will "Break the Bank".

Re:Backups

[strictnein]

I guess we just have to hope (or not) that their computers or hard drives never fail.

Don't worry, I'm sure they're using a RAID 0 setup.

Re:Backups

[hazem]

That explains everything... Clearly, they are using a quantum-based computer. If you try to read the data to copy it, it gets changed. Can't fault them for trying to use the newest technology, I suppose.

Already suffered "major loss of data"

[hoggoth]

What this REALLY means is that they have already suffered a "major loss of data" but never made any backups and have been trying to hide the fact that the database has been GONE for weeks, months, or even years under grade school-level excuses.

Take a page from adult websites

[maddugan]

I am sure there are pr0n websites with backend databases more relieable than what the government is using.

Re:Backups

[nacturation]

That explains everything... Clearly, they are using a quantum-based computer. If you try to read the data to copy it, it gets changed. Can't fault them for trying to use the newest technology, I suppose.

Yes, it's the all-new Heisenberg Data Store 2000 from Uncertain Storage Inc.

Re:Backups

[Shadow Wrought]

Not affiliated with Schroedinger's Ledger Service. Motto: "In the Black or in the Red, we'll all find out if the cat's dead!"

The Patriot Act

[The_Real_Nire]

Maybe we should tell John Ashcroft about open source database and copying solutions?"

With the Patriot Act in effect, and all of your lines tapped, I'd say John Ashcroft already knows.

There Is No Spoon

[notcreative]

DEEP VOICE: Unfortunately, no one can be -told- what the data on contributions from foreign lobbyists is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
(shows a blue pill.)
You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe about the FOIA.
(a red pill is shown in his other hand)
You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how fucked up the DOJ really is.
(you begin to reach for the red pill) Remember -- all I am offering is the truth, nothing more.

Re:Backups

[eln]

Ever notice how a joke just isn't as funny anymore when someone explains it? Even when the explainer completely missed the joke to begin with?

Not that that has any bearing on the current situation or anything.

Re:Backups

[Bishop923]

When is the election in the US finished?


Depends on wether or not Florida has it's shit together this time.

Quick, someone notify the RIAA

[Derekloffin]

And the MPAA for that matter. The Government has found a truly uncopyable storage media and I'm certain both of these organizations will be overjoyed to put it to good use.

See? Code is Free Speech!

[e.m.rainey]

/* politcal-pseudeo-C */
int ashcroft_test()
{
int error = ERROR_NONE;
char *quote = "[i]mplementing such a request risks a crash that cannot " \
"be fixed and could result in a major loss of data, which would be devastating";

if (isTellingTruth(quote) == TRUE)
{
if (ashcroft.budget < ashcroft.expectedBudget)
{
ashcroft.requestLargerBudget();
error = ERROR_BIG_GOVERNMENT;
}
else if (ashcroft.StaffIQ < IQ_SEA_TURTLE)
{
ashcroft.admitIncompetence();
error = ERROR_INCOMPETENT_GOVERMENT;
}
else
{ /* developer note: I could never get
* this condition to activate in
* testing... oh well. */
error = ERROR_UNKNOWN;
}
}
else // less than honest answer
{
if (isTooDifficult(quote) == FALSE)
{
ashcroft.takeVacation();
error = ERROR_LAZY_GOVERNMENT;
}
else if (dislikeFOIA(ashcroft) == TRUE)
{
ashcroft.evadeFOIA();
error = ERROR_CLOSED_GOVERNMENT;
}
else
{ // some sinister plot I'm sure!
crackpots.startDreaming();
error = ERROR_UNKNOWN;
}
}
return error;
}

MOD PARENT UP...

[Anonymous Coward]

... and then down. And then up a couple of times, then down one more by a stickler for on-topic posts. Then down to zero by one pissed off moderator using all his points at once. Slowly climb back to +3. Down again. Up again. Down. Up. Down. Finally, when the story is 13 days old and the editors have already posted a couple of duplicates, sneak in and mod it up to +5, Insightful.

Hey, if they won't give me mod points, I can at least be a Back Seat Moderator!