A Six-Step Plan for Apple

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Posted by michael on Friday July 9, 2004 @06:40AM from the a-man-a-plan-a-canal dept.

An anonymous reader writes "Open letter from Alex Salkever to Jobs. One thing in particular strikes me: 'The latest round of attacks on Microsoft software is terrifying. If using a Mac means servers in Russia are less likely to harvest my passwords and offer my identity to the highest bidder, I think that's an offer I'd like to hear more about.' I think he's got something there."

26 of 773 comments (clear)

Finally! Step 2 by strictnein · 2004-07-09 06:40 · Score: 4, Funny

There it is! The elusive Step #2:

servers in Russia are less likely to harvest my passwords and offer my identity to the highest bidder

Step 1: Create Server (in Soviet Russia no less!) that harvests passwords
Step 2: Offer harvested information to highest bidder
Step 3: Profit!

Now, to create these password harvesting servers... off I go! Oh wait, he said something about a six step plan! Damn't!

--
Casual Games/Downloads
1. Re:Finally! Step 2 by vxvxvxvx · 2004-07-09 06:49 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Now, to create these password harvesting servers... off I go! Oh wait, he said something about a six step plan! Damn't!
  No worries mate!
  
  Step 1: Create password harvesting server.
  Step 2: Offer harvested information to highest bidder
  Steps 3-5: ???
  Step 6: Profit!
2. Re:Finally! Step 2 by TopShelf · 2004-07-09 07:13 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Are 6 steps enough? Some would say Jobs is ready for 12 steps...
  
  --
  Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
3. Re:Finally! Step 2 by tverbeek · 2004-07-09 08:06 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Why? Is he a heavy drinker?
  No, silly; he's a dancer!
  
  --
  http://alternatives.rzero.com/
4. Re:Finally! Step 2 by Dun+Malg · 2004-07-09 08:09 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Step 1: Create Server (in Soviet Russia no less!) that harvests passwords
  Shouldn't that be a Beowulf cluster of computers in Soviet Russia?
  (Cue the hot grits, you insensitive clod!)
  
  --
  If a job's not worth doing, it's not worth doing right.
5. Re:Finally! Step 2 by Lars+T. · 2004-07-09 08:23 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Shouldn't that be a Beowulf cluster of computers in Soviet Russia?
  ... that creates you.
  
  --
  Lars T.
  To the guy who modded me down from perfect to terrible Karma - Apple haters still suck
6. Re:Finally! Step 2 by atomm1024 · 2004-07-09 09:33 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  In Soviet Russia, passwords harvest YOU!
  
  --
  Signature.
7. Re:Finally! Step 2 by Anonymous Coward · 2004-07-09 09:50 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  YOU DID IT!
  
  * You got first post.
  
  * You used a "three-step" post.
  
  * You worked in a "in Soviet Russia."
  
  -AND-
  
  * You got modded up to 5.
  
  I'm going to start a Scrictnein Fan Club.
8. Re:Finally! Step 2 by strictnein · 2004-07-09 10:37 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  I'm going to start a Scrictnein Fan Club.
  
  Well at least spell my name right if you do :p
  
  --
  Casual Games/Downloads
Re:Yes, but... by Anonymous Coward · 2004-07-09 06:45 · Score: 5, Funny

All units move into Phase III battle positions! Commence Apache vs. IIS flamewar!
Re:Let's not forget... by MoneyT · 2004-07-09 06:50 · Score: 4, Funny

Ok, I realize the G5 cases are big, but how small are you that you can fit inside a mac?

--
T Money
World Domination with a plastic spoon since 1984
Re:No Contest by Jeremy+Erwin · 2004-07-09 06:51 · Score: 2, Funny

If you want an actual secure, usable operating system, wait for Windows XP Service Pack Two...

Vaporware isn't usable. Perhaps I should look for a leaked copy of SP2 on my favorite p2p system?
As a self-appointed representative of ... by burgburgburg · 2004-07-09 06:54 · Score: 5, Funny

password harvesters from Russia, I'd like to dispute the negative impressions of our actions promulgated on sites like this.
Are we phishing for passwords? Yes. Are we preying on the gullibility of millions of computer users? Yes. Are we using the information that we're receiving to access as much cash/credit from the end-users as is possible, probably ruinging their credit and their lives? Yes.
But we're doing it all to fight terrorism. Didn't anybody watch our recruitment movie, Swordfish? We're the good guys. Now give us your passwords and leave us to fight the good fight.
1. Re:As a self-appointed representative of ... by Soko · 2004-07-09 07:09 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Ahem. Think he's kidding, don't you?
  
  Are we phishing for passwords? Yes. Are we preying on the gullibility of millions of computer users? Yes. Are we using the information that we're receiving to access as much cash/credit from the end-users as is possible, probably ruinging their credit and their lives? Yes.
  
  There it is.
  
  No money means you don't go out.
  Not going out means you don't meet any people.
  Not meeting any people means you don't meet people of the opposite sex.
  Not meeting people of the opposite sex means you don't breed.
  
  Ergo, these people are thinning the herd, darwinistically removing the gullible people who stupidly let terrorists into our fair lands.
  
  Let them be, says I.
  
  Soko
  
  --
  "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." - Anonymous
Perpetual Marketshare? by MoneyT · 2004-07-09 06:59 · Score: 4, Funny

I've come to the conclusion that Apple must have some sort of market share that defies the natural laws of the universe. For years now, Apple's market share has always been reported at ~4% with numbers as low as 2% in some places and as high as 10% in others. But the one thing that has remained constant throughout these reports is that it's a dwindling market share and it's falling rapidly. Now, how is it that 6 years ago, they could have 4%, 5 years ago they had 4%, 4 years ago they had 4%, 3 years ago they have 4%, 2 years ago they have 4%, one year ago they have 4% and this year, they still have 4%, yet every year it was declining?

This leads to the conclusion that Apple must have invented purpetual self sustaining marketshare, a graph of which could make MC Escher proud, and that they must patent this immediately so that they can increase their marketshare to -pi

--
T Money
World Domination with a plastic spoon since 1984
Re:Let's not forget... by russellh · 2004-07-09 07:10 · Score: 2, Funny

They have the same advantage over pc's that firefox has over IE, mostly that they dont have much of a market share, so hackers dont spend that much time making viruses for them. As long as they stay relatively unused by the mass public, it will stay that way. If everyone gets the same idea to move to a mac, virus wirters will shift their attention to macs.

No, it's because of Aqua, which dilutes pathogens. The bigger marketshare Apple gets, the more Aqua there is, and obviously this means there will be less virus problems.

--
must... stay... awake...
Re:As if.... by MoneyT · 2004-07-09 07:12 · Score: 4, Funny

Apple: Proudly going out of business for over 20 years.

--
T Money
World Domination with a plastic spoon since 1984
Re:Let's not forget... by HeghmoH · 2004-07-09 07:16 · Score: 1, Funny

Irrelevant. Apple doesn't have 95% of the market, never had 95% of the market, and never will have 95% of the market.

--
Mod down posts with a "Free Mac Mini/iPod" sig, they're spam!
Re:Err... by mfifer · 2004-07-09 07:21 · Score: 2, Funny

Only a complete idiot would take advantage of that offer.
Well, it DID say they were using a PC... ;-)
Re:apple? by Epistax · 2004-07-09 07:29 · Score: 4, Funny

I won't switch to Apple as I'd just see it as just another victory for the metrosexual movement.

Disclaimer: Move along. This is a joke, girlfriend.
free screensavers???!! by commodoresloat · 2004-07-09 07:36 · Score: 4, Funny

Where can I get one? Will you email it to me?
Re:Err... by jred · 2004-07-09 08:16 · Score: 2, Funny

(Where's the equivalent of the Kelley Blue Book for computer hardware, anyhow?)

Right here.

(see, I can *almost* be funny...)

--

jred
I'm not a mechanic but I play one in my garage...
Sure by Scott+Richter · 2004-07-09 09:03 · Score: 2, Funny

Where can I get one? Will you email it to me?
I need your root password and IP address for it to install correctly.
1. Re:Sure by jaysones · 2004-07-09 09:14 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  I need your root password and IP address for it to install correctly.
  
  Sure, my password is, oddly enough, your birthday and my ip is 127.0.0.1
Re:"Apple Computer": A Ridiculous Liberal Myth by Anonymous Coward · 2004-07-09 09:42 · Score: 1, Funny

I'm smoking dope and this makes no sense to me either, and it is poorly written.
bah.
Re:I like Apple the way they are. by Gropo · 2004-07-09 10:03 · Score: 3, Funny

Uhh dude, I hate to break this to you, but if the coffee shop in question was "Diesel," she was undoubtedly a lesbian. ;D

--
I hate Grammar Nazi's