A Six-Step Plan for Apple

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Posted by michael on Friday July 9, 2004 @06:40AM from the a-man-a-plan-a-canal dept.

An anonymous reader writes "Open letter from Alex Salkever to Jobs. One thing in particular strikes me: 'The latest round of attacks on Microsoft software is terrifying. If using a Mac means servers in Russia are less likely to harvest my passwords and offer my identity to the highest bidder, I think that's an offer I'd like to hear more about.' I think he's got something there."

12 of 773 comments (clear)

Finally! Step 2 by strictnein · 2004-07-09 06:40 · Score: 4, Funny

There it is! The elusive Step #2:

servers in Russia are less likely to harvest my passwords and offer my identity to the highest bidder

Step 1: Create Server (in Soviet Russia no less!) that harvests passwords
Step 2: Offer harvested information to highest bidder
Step 3: Profit!

Now, to create these password harvesting servers... off I go! Oh wait, he said something about a six step plan! Damn't!

--
Casual Games/Downloads
1. Re:Finally! Step 2 by vxvxvxvx · 2004-07-09 06:49 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Now, to create these password harvesting servers... off I go! Oh wait, he said something about a six step plan! Damn't!
  No worries mate!
  
  Step 1: Create password harvesting server.
  Step 2: Offer harvested information to highest bidder
  Steps 3-5: ???
  Step 6: Profit!
Re:Yes, but... by Anonymous Coward · 2004-07-09 06:45 · Score: 5, Funny

All units move into Phase III battle positions! Commence Apache vs. IIS flamewar!
Re:Let's not forget... by MoneyT · 2004-07-09 06:50 · Score: 4, Funny

Ok, I realize the G5 cases are big, but how small are you that you can fit inside a mac?

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T Money
World Domination with a plastic spoon since 1984
As a self-appointed representative of ... by burgburgburg · 2004-07-09 06:54 · Score: 5, Funny

password harvesters from Russia, I'd like to dispute the negative impressions of our actions promulgated on sites like this.
Are we phishing for passwords? Yes. Are we preying on the gullibility of millions of computer users? Yes. Are we using the information that we're receiving to access as much cash/credit from the end-users as is possible, probably ruinging their credit and their lives? Yes.
But we're doing it all to fight terrorism. Didn't anybody watch our recruitment movie, Swordfish? We're the good guys. Now give us your passwords and leave us to fight the good fight.
1. Re:As a self-appointed representative of ... by Soko · 2004-07-09 07:09 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Ahem. Think he's kidding, don't you?
  
  Are we phishing for passwords? Yes. Are we preying on the gullibility of millions of computer users? Yes. Are we using the information that we're receiving to access as much cash/credit from the end-users as is possible, probably ruinging their credit and their lives? Yes.
  
  There it is.
  
  No money means you don't go out.
  Not going out means you don't meet any people.
  Not meeting any people means you don't meet people of the opposite sex.
  Not meeting people of the opposite sex means you don't breed.
  
  Ergo, these people are thinning the herd, darwinistically removing the gullible people who stupidly let terrorists into our fair lands.
  
  Let them be, says I.
  
  Soko
  
  --
  "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." - Anonymous
Perpetual Marketshare? by MoneyT · 2004-07-09 06:59 · Score: 4, Funny

I've come to the conclusion that Apple must have some sort of market share that defies the natural laws of the universe. For years now, Apple's market share has always been reported at ~4% with numbers as low as 2% in some places and as high as 10% in others. But the one thing that has remained constant throughout these reports is that it's a dwindling market share and it's falling rapidly. Now, how is it that 6 years ago, they could have 4%, 5 years ago they had 4%, 4 years ago they had 4%, 3 years ago they have 4%, 2 years ago they have 4%, one year ago they have 4% and this year, they still have 4%, yet every year it was declining?

This leads to the conclusion that Apple must have invented purpetual self sustaining marketshare, a graph of which could make MC Escher proud, and that they must patent this immediately so that they can increase their marketshare to -pi

--
T Money
World Domination with a plastic spoon since 1984
Re:As if.... by MoneyT · 2004-07-09 07:12 · Score: 4, Funny

Apple: Proudly going out of business for over 20 years.

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T Money
World Domination with a plastic spoon since 1984
Re:apple? by Epistax · 2004-07-09 07:29 · Score: 4, Funny

I won't switch to Apple as I'd just see it as just another victory for the metrosexual movement.

Disclaimer: Move along. This is a joke, girlfriend.
free screensavers???!! by commodoresloat · 2004-07-09 07:36 · Score: 4, Funny

Where can I get one? Will you email it to me?
Re:Sure by jaysones · 2004-07-09 09:14 · Score: 3, Funny

I need your root password and IP address for it to install correctly.

Sure, my password is, oddly enough, your birthday and my ip is 127.0.0.1
Re:I like Apple the way they are. by Gropo · 2004-07-09 10:03 · Score: 3, Funny

Uhh dude, I hate to break this to you, but if the coffee shop in question was "Diesel," she was undoubtedly a lesbian. ;D

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I hate Grammar Nazi's