Slashdot Mirror
How To Make Friends on the Telephone
Dan writes "What a wonderful find--it seems since the internet, we've forgotten the correct way to communicate with people. So here is a book to teach us the proper etiquette, as well as how to handle complex modern communications devices."
By a fucking ad and support slashdot instead of posting it as a story please.
Nice article there - it was to look over the pamphlet and retrospect about how far we've come communication-wise in the past few decades. We can communicate more effectively, work more productively, and get information faster.
But I cannot say the same for the improvement in social life that technology has brought about. Sure, we have IM now, I can videoconference with my folks back home halfway across the world without paying a penny, but has it really *improved* my social life? I don't think so.
IMHO, we communicate better with people we need to (at work) and family/friends, but we don't really end up making more friends (I won't go so far as to credit Orkut groups/etc as friends). If anything, we're spending more time in front of our screens sending and accessing messages (communicating) at the cost of social interaction.
Maybe it's just me, but I have a feeling it's true for a lot of folks especially those around here.
An Indian-American Hindu committed to non-violent thought/speech/action alarmed by the global explosion of radical Islam
Aside from the prevalence of automated attendants, I've noticed that many human operators don't seem to know how to answer with a warm greeting, ask for information, put people on hold correctly, or bridge a call to the right person.
I've become better at handling phones simply by listening to what these people are doing wrong, and using that as a basis for improving my own phone skills.
But on the other end as a caller, I've found it helpful to announce myself at the beginning of the call, instead of having them ask me for my name. And also to have as much information ready as possible, and present it before I'm asked, IE account numbers, customer numbers, MAC address of cable modems, etc.
Just wondering.
People from other offices at work call and the first words out of their mouth are "Who is this?". I was taught that you identify yourself, then ask for person you want to talk to.
Thats great, but, if you were home.. why didnt you pick up the phone any of the times she called? or reply to her email? or respond to her IM? What may have seemed an obvious way 20 years ago, really isnt that obvious or practical anymore. If she really did try all those options and could not contact you, it would be safe to assume that either you werent home, or dont wish to be bothered.
Anyway, I'm a little surprised this on /. As far as I am concerned, phones suck. I use them because I have to. It's a more "instant" form of communication than email provided you manage to get the person you need to speak to on the phone. And it's the standard, as most everyone has either a landline or a cellphone but many (well, let's make that 'some') people still don't have email accounts and/or don't check them regularly.
That being said, I really dislike phones. As far as I am concerned, they're about the rudest form of communication, at least in a business environment. By chosing to make a call instead of emailing the person, you're chosing the easy way out. Basically you prioritize your time over their's. They have to talk to you even though they might be busy or doing something else. In a business environment, there are few people who can just ignore the phone.
By emailing me instead, I could have dealt with your problem on my own terms and allocated time based on my current schedule (that the caller's certainly not aware of), needs and priorities. Should I not see your email in time (which is unlikely since my mail server notifies me of some new emails (procmail is great, isn't it) via text message) you could still call.
That's why I have two cell phones. I use one during business hours, the number is on my business cards and if you call me on it during business hours I will answer, period. The other is my personal phone. It's small enough that I can easily take it everywhere, the number is not listed and only known to family, friends and customers who have expressed that they might need to reach me. Family and friends can call me anytime, no matter what. Same goes for customers, but they have to pay me (depends on the contract but usually I charge tripple) if they need me when I'm off. They're aware of that and don't bother me with trivial problems. If something important comes up, they know how to reach me though. Everybody's happy.
So generally, I do prefer email or text messaging to phone calls. That way, I get to choose who I talk to. As far as I am concerned, it's a lot more polite to email me than to call me at 9 in the morning when I might still be asleep.
Oh please. IT'S A WASTE OF TIME! HANG UP!
"Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!" - Glen Beck
I think people were just more isolated, and ignorent of the legions of assholes out there. The 50's were also full of paranoia, too. Politicians like McCarthy fueled fears that Communists were plotting on every streetcorner to hijack America from within. It is only another extreme, that some remember, that the world was full of nice, polite people that would be friendly if only you could communicate with them! If the public had cell phones in the 50's they would run into the same attitudes.
Actually, if I were George, I would find the caller to be exceedingly irritating and annoying, if the "polite social interchange" has no point other than to take up time. The fact is , the caller called wih the intent of speaking to someone else, and simply greeting me with a "Hi George", and then politely asking for that person is perfectly fine (and preferrable) for me.
As a geek with a girlfriend, I can say the phone is critical. While IM is usefull for large numbers of people, the phone is better for personal conversations where voice inflection has more meaning.
And asking someone out on IM is just bad.
I call bullshit. Not on the fact that you have a girlfriend, hey, anything is possible... It may not be as romantic as using the telephone, but I know a lot of people that have successfully arranged dates through IM.
Here's a hint, it's not so much the medium you use as it is what you say. Sometimes people (especially us geeks) get so caught up in the technology behind the communications medium we forget what it's really for - exchanging thoughts and ideas.
If you're not able to talk to a girl in real life, talking via IM isn't going to suddenly turn you into an Internet Don Juan. Likewise, if you know how to talk to the opposite sex, it doesn't matter whether you're speaking on the phone, corresponding through snail-mail or using IM. It's what you say that matters, not the means of conveying the information.
---
DRM is like antifreeze, to the MPAA/RIAA it's sweet, to the consumers it's poison.
Well, friends that chew you out on the spot when you knock on the door in an emergency have brain problems. I would truly hesitate to call them friends, although there is another F-word that would certainly apply. Anti-social attitudes be damned: there are certain aspects of friendship that should transcend our technological debauchery. That is, unless the meaning of "friend" has been altered beyond recognition.
The higher the technology, the sharper that two-edged sword.
One good rule I wish people would follow is simply to know to whom you are speaking before you continue.
We have Direct Inward Dial at work - this means that in addtion to being able to dial the main number, then at the prompt enter an extension, it is also possible to dial a different number and get an extension directly - so if my extension was 123, you could dial ###-#123 where the #'s are a fixed prefix.
Now, for the sales guys this is great, but for me it sucks, since I generally don't need to talk to anybody directly, and I'd rather they have to dial the main number and my extension if they want to reach me - I have systems to design, code to write and debug, work to do!
So, when I answer the phone directly, it is simply "Engineering, this is (name)". If you really are trying to reach me, you will know you have the right number and can continue. Hopefully, if this is the WRONG number, you will clue into that and check - "Excuse me, but I was trying to read Edith's Toenail service, do I have the correct number?"
Thursday the phone rigs the "outside line" ring, and I answer it - I am having a bunch of work done on my house and it might have been one of the contractors. I give my usual answer, "Engineering, this is (name)".
And this gal starts in - "This is (name) and my son is (name) and he had his thing stolen at school and " and so on for a good 15 seconds at a mile a minute before I get a chance to break in. "Excuse me miss, but you have the wrong number." "This isn't XYZ school?" "No ma'am" "What number is this" (Now, I happen to feel this is improper ettiquette - IMHO she should have said "Is this ###-####" - she does not need to know what number this is, only if this is the number she was trying to dial) "No ma'am, this is %%%-%%%%" (the main number, not my D.I.D. number) "Oh, I have the wrong number (click)".
Beat.
Beat.
Ra-Ring.
(sigh)
"(Full company name) this is (name) can I help you?" "I have the wrong number again - is this ^^^-^^^^" "No, ma'am, this is ^^^-^^**" (Last 2 digits wrong) "Oh, I'm sorry (click)"
Now, the point of this story is that, upon first hearing something that was NOT "XYZ school", she SHOULD have said, "Excuse me, but I am trying to reach XYZ school, do I have the right number?" rather than launching into her life's story.
I'm sure she was upset by whatever was happening in her life, but she told me things that not only did I not CARE to hear, but were pretty damn personal - all because she did not confirm the identity of the person with whom she was speaking.
Of course, we live in a society that will blindly fill in whatever forms J.Random.URL asks - I should expect no different for the telephone.
www.eFax.com are spammers
I'm not surprised that your friend was female; they do tend to have a lot more tact than males...
we know how to use devices, how about teaching us how to communicate in person, and have the other person believe we're not weird without putting up a front.
maybe that's an oxymoron?
...but it's his job to answer the door bell?
"An infinite number of monkeys typing into GNU emacs would never make a good program."
"Arranging dates" is one thing, but asking someone out or any kind of heavily emotional conversation is best done in person (or *maybe* over the phone).
And I disagree with your assertion that success with girls is all about what you say. In my experience, what I say is practically irrelevant. The most important aspect is body language: relax, look them in the eye, be attentive, have a non-threatening posture. If you master body language then it doesn't really matter what you say, because the mark will interpret what you say positively (subconsciously drawing context from your posture). This even carries a bit over the phone since your voice sounds slightly different depending on your posture and mood.
IM conversations are more tricky, because the person will fill in the missing context from the environment around them (Well, that assumes they already know you. If they don't know you at all [or are really desperate], they're more likely to be optimistic). This makes it rather difficult to predict the responses even with a lengthy calibration conversation.
Of course this is only true for the short term. The long term effects are more dependent on what you say (but that's outside of my area of expertise).