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Celebrity Casting For LOTR

Posted by Hemos on from the amusing-ideas dept.

David Brin recently sent me an amusing idea for celebrity casting for LOTR. He's got some good ones (below), but of course, feel free to add your own ideas to the comments. >>Hey, I'm watching a Tolkien bography right now and an interesting tid bit from it I'd like to share. The Beatles wanted to do a Lord of the Rings film. John was going to be Gollum, Paul-Frodo, Ringo-Samwise, and George was going to be Gandalf. By the time the Fab Four found a director the film rights had already been sold. Could have been interesting. What do you think, Jim Morrison as Saurman, Elvis as Bill the Pony?

Heaven help me, it got my head spinning. As a former denizen of that era, my own offerings would have to be:

Momma Cass as Shelob.

Teddy Kennedy as Faramir (before he ate enough to qualify as Shelob.)

Mick Jagger as Legolas (with a twist)

Frank Zappa as Gimli

William Shatner as Boromir

J. Edgar Hoover as Bilbo

As Merry and Pippin?..... The SmothersBrothers or Sonny&Cher

Jerry Garcia as the King of the Dead

Tiny Tim as Galadriel

Timothy Leary as Tom Bombadil (Though George Carlin could pull it off)

Wormtongue played by Attorney Gen. John Mitchell

Eric Idle as Eowyn the warrior-maid of Rohan (though Michael Palin is tempting)

James Brown as King of the Ents (singing "Ow! It's a man's world..." and "I knew that I wood.")

Meat Loaf as the Balrog (played with Marlowean angst, and once Moria with feeling.)

The undead Ring Wraiths must be led by Kieth Richards,... ...plus (at full Valkyrie volume) Martha Mitchell, Joni Mitchell, Nancy Reagan, Nancy Sinatra, Joan Baez, Joan Rivers, Donna Summers, Don Ameche and that Dy-no-mite guy.

Orcs: Mister T and... oh, let him play em all. And I pity the fool who resists.

Lorne Greene as Denethor the Steward of Gondor... (Richard Nixon turned down the part)

Werner Von Braun as Saruman (Sorry Jim M., but instead you can play Aragorn, son of Araplane)

My favorite:
L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)

... and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver...

Of course Leonard Nimoy would both direct and sing background, with a suitably elf-spockish cameo.
Gotta find a role for Goldie Hawn.
And Raquel, please, in that cave outfit, pretty please. Luan-n-n-na.
Ah, what days those were....

David Brin

(Scientist/author David Brin's novels, including Earth and The Postman (filmed in 1998), are translated in 20 languages. His non fiction book -- The Transparent Society - won the Freedom of Speech Award of the American Library Association. THE LIFE EATERS - a recent graphic novel - explores a chilling alternative outcome of World War II. His more serious ruminations about JRR Tolkien can be found at his site

11 of 338 comments (clear)

  1. wtf by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    Fire the moron who accepted the story. 3 to 1 its a she.

  2. Gary Coleman as Frodo by JeanBaptiste · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    whatchya talkin 'bout Gandalf?

    um, seriously, i cant believe anyone has gotten rejected stories, if this makes it...

  3. This is retarded by suckass · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    Even for /.'s standards

    --
    blah, blah, blah
  4. Re:um... by Threni · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    Yeah, this sucks. Who the hell cares about this sort of crap? It's like getting noncy forwards from newbies to email.

  5. Wow... my clock must be way off... by gotroot801 · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    My clock says it's July 26, but with this story making it to the front page I *know* it has to be April 1.

    Sure is warm for April, though.

  6. Re:wow by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    > 15 comments and they all are synonymous with "WTF?"

    Well, it's a sucky article about a bunch of sucky films based on an even more sucky set of books... I mean, jesus - even User Friendly, Dilbert and BOFH is funnier than this, and that's saying something.

    LOTR is done. Finished. Perhaps there'll be a godawful Hobbit movie once the authors estate and the filmmakers have decided on how they'll split the profits, and then perhaps we'll hear the last of this turgid monsters and fucking hobgoblin bullshit.

  7. Um... by canwaf · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    can someone tell me how old you have to be to get any of these jokes?

  8. Re:Autmodded up? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    "Mr. T as all the orcs" could construed as racist. Is that enough to work up a little outrage?

  9. Re:I think I speak for most when I say by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    I agree: WTF?!?

    It's like a forum posting from a fanboy on LSD who can't work out how to format text properly. Surely Hemos could have at least got rid of the random whitespace and crazy formatting, although not much can be done about the stream-of-conscious writing.

    I'm sure once David Brin comes down from whatever he's on, he'll regret ever sending this email to Hemos.

  10. Great joke by Chuck+Chunder · · Score: 0, Flamebait

    Not the article, the "from the amusing-ideas dept."

    I love sarcasm.

    --
    Boffoonery - downloadable Comedy Benefit for Bletchley Park
  11. tolkien nerds by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    eat my ass with a spoon you ape nosed niggers.