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System Administrator Appreciation Day
rmadmin writes "Yes, it's that time of year again! Today is the 5th annual Systems Administrator Appreciation Day! Show us admin's how much you love us. (Otherwise we may just walk out, It's been a long day) Happy Systems Administrator Day!" If any of the OSTG netops staff are reading this, thanks again for all your help in recent weeks.
It's about time we see appreciation other than the shrines to bad users and other system sacrifices.
End the FUD
You guys rock! Hats off to you!
btw, can i have root access now?
Does this mean I'm allowed to drink on the job today?
Yeahhhh, Hi there, so uh, SysAdmin Appreciation Day, huh? That's just great. Great... Yeah. Listen, the VP of Finance just called me, and his daughter's laptop is giving her some weird message, could you get that fixed today at lunch? Yeah.. that would be great, thanks.
A holiday for the rest-iv-us! Yay!
Method of processing duck feet
The required list for today:
Getting the most from your IT department
1. When you call us to have your computer moved or fixed, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
3. When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 user passwords.
4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
6. When IT support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
7. When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
8. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
9. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it. Ditto for the microwave, timeclock, and coffee maker. Hell, if it plugs in, we're probably in charge of it anyway.
10. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
11. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.
12. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
13. When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
14. When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?". That motivates us.
15. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
16. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
17. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".
18. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
19. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 40lb of computer sitting on top of them.
20. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
21. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
22. When you find an IT person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call IT Support.
26. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call IT Support. We love to hack.
27. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of h
"What do you despise? By this are you truly known." --Princess Irulan, Manual of Muad'Dib
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Signed: your colleagues from the US office you administer.
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" - Ogden Nash
Sysadmins are Internet plumbers!
oh dear god, please never let me see any sysadmin's buttcrack.
Why am I now expecting to see a string of, "what's your number?" posts?
Sys Admins. Bunch of overweight, bespectacled idiots. All they do is waste time and money. A monkey could do their job. Honestly, everyday, talking about new distro-this, Farscape-that, get a damn life. No, get a treadmill. You've got no power over me. What a-+|... NO CARRIER
Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.
"The printers aren't working!" ."
"I went searching on the internet and I'm getting popups!"
"Why can't you convert that scanned image to text?"
"I spilled water on my keyboard"
"I spilled Pepsi all over my $300 phone"
"My mouse isn't working... (replace it three times, notice water on the keyboard). That shouldn't have broken it."
"My computer that sits in a telnet shell all day isn't fast enough for me to look for new houses
"Why can't I spend all day on Pogo games?"
"I don't care how important that server install or network install is, my mouse is dirty, and it's not rolling smoothly!"
"I still can't print!"
"The laser printer is always jammed in the corner and covered with paper, thereby not allowing it to breathe and frying every six months because I like to put my newspaper on this side of my desk. Why do you ask?"
Why can't I use Wordperfect anymore. I don't like Word."
Ad Nausea....
How about:
1. "Sewage Workers Appreciation Day" - the fine men and women who recycle our shit surely deserve a special day of their own.
2. "Road Kill Removers Appreciation Day" - Ditto
3. "Crime and Accident Scene Cleaners Appreciation Day" - Double ditto.
4. "Proctologists and Gynecologists for the Morbidly Obese Appreciation Day" - Triple ditto.
Neopets - the best free game on the Int
My brain hurts ...
I hear there's rumors on the Slashdots
How can you mention the thinkgeek sysadmin section - and not mention their sysadmin pageant?!?
BlackNova Traders
We just slashdotted your site.
Happy System Administrator Day! from the gang at slashdot.
So remember to have everyone sign a nice card and send it off to India.
Hey bud, I installed Linux as a present for you. No more worms! Great, huh?
[1 day later]
Hey bud, how do I set up dual monitors?
[1 hour later]
Hey bud, how do I change the refresh rate? They're stuck at 60.
[30 minutes later]
Hey bud, how do I get Quake running on this thing? I know, I know.. I just need to make sure my 3D card is working even though nothing during my work day even touches the 3D card.
[10 minutes later]
Hey bud, on Windows I could change my mouse cursor to a Tweety Bird, how do I do that on Linux?
[another 10 minutes later]
Hey bud, OpenOffice doesn't support this ActiveX control I need for my presentation, how do I fix this?
[1 minute later]
Whaddya mean you're putting Windows back on it? I switched just for you, man!
"Derp de derp."
You definitely got off easy compared to the punishment you would have met from some of us! I would have set your password expiration to every hour on the hour, and gradually gotten worse from there :-.
*clickety click click*
Hmm... you don't seem to even have an account on this system...
I had my file tree up and decorated on System Administrator Appreciation Day Eve. ;)
I don't need a holiday for this. Whenever I want to be appreciated I just randomly unplug cables from the switches, "troubleshoot" it for an hour, then plug everyone back in and magically solve the problem. Suddenly I'm everyone's hero. :)
"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine." -- RFC 1925