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HP Shelves Virus Throttler Program
longlanekid writes "Though HP has apparently designed a great program for slowing the spread/proliferation of virii and reducing the impact of DoS attacks, it's all being shelved due to Windows incompatibilities."
GNAA claims responsibility for Momfuck virus.
By Horatio Brunswick
New York, NY - GNAA (Gay Nigger Association of America) The GNAA today claimed responsibility for the release of the devastating trojan Momfuck.1o1, which has caused an estimated 486 billion dollars US in lost productivity and unread penis enlargement offers.
In a drastic escalation of their widely criticized christmas island bombing campaign which has killed thousands of defenceless CI natives, the GNAA made vague threats last week in a "first post" on slashdot.org, a popular "news for trolls" website. In the post (not published here due to profanity and ascii nudity) the GNAA threatened the "Destruction of all internet" if net martyr http://www.goatse.cx was not immediately reinstated. Initally dismissed by self proclaimed security experts Cowboykneel and Linux Toreballs as a childish lark, the world was totally unprepared for the storm to come.
Momfuck.lol exploits three vulnerabilities within Linux's UPnP implementation: a remotely exploitable buffer overflow that allows an attacker gain SYSTEM level access to any default installation of Linux, a Denial of Service (DoS) attack, and a Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attack. Within hours of release, every backbone in the country had become infected with the virus, bringing the internet to a crashing halt. The DHS announced an orange alert when the virus spread to even such such remote non-countries as Canada and England, becomming a worldwide computer epidemic. The sequence of events that followed was devastating. ATMs in several states began routing funds from caucasian bank accounts into a GNAA controlled cayman islands account. Traffic lights in all major metropolitan areas malfunctioned, displaying pink rather than the standard red yellow and green configuration, causing unprecedented accidents and traffic delays. Radio stations ceased transmitting their standard programming and began a round the clock broadcast of a bootleg of the Village People's "YMCA" which was altered to "GNAA." Perhaps most horrifyingly, The FOX network's LOL sunday programming lineup was interrupted, and replaced by a graphic video of two men having anal sex, backed by the lyrics "Boom I got your boyfriend".
The FBI has fallen under heavy criticism for their failure to respond to the threat of the GNAA. The general public seems uwilling to accept their claims that the post was below their current threshold. The FBI's top cyber-security unit warned consumers and corporations Friday night to take new steps beyond those recommended by SCO Corp. to protect against hackers who might try to attack major flaws discovered in the newest version of Linux software, or to get a life, faggots. FBI Department head John Asscrotch is expected to resign in disgrace shortly.
What follows is a transcript of an actual internet relay chat conversation, with two individuals who seem to have been infected by momfuck.lol. It is my hope that this will help computer users to recognize and avoid the virus if encountered.
* Now talking in #eurotekken
* Topic is 'http://www.tekkenzaibatsu.com/forums/showthread.p hp?s=&postid=1527925#post1527925 : everyone give your 0.00c'
* Set by SirCane on Tue Apr 06 15:57:26
<l0de> "Mom, I can't sleep would you mind if I get in bed with you?
<l0de> I have virus!
<l0de> She was wearing a baby doll semi-see through nightie, and was embarrassed to let me in bed with her.
<subt-L> haha.. this is a fucking crazy virus..
<l0de> I can't type this fast!
<l0de> However she remembered how I had let her sleep with me when she needed to.
<l0de> Oh my god.
<l0de> "Sure John, it's a big bed," she said in an uncertain tone.
<l0de> "Mom, would you mind if I snuggle a little with you.
<l0de> I just feel kind of sad tonight, I need you close to me."
Arkansas sucks.
Hey Saturn, did I pwn you or what?
I'd give that rant a solid rating of 1/2 but somebody shot that half out of his brain. And away we go...
post 21
I own a pump action golf ball cannon. I made it myself.
Virii = Gay Virus?
Virii = Lesbian Virus?
Virii = Transexual Virus?
Virii = Travesti Virus?
aaAAASSSSSssssss!!!!!
So you don't know Latin. Big deal.
Sent from my ASR33 using ASCII
As much 101 virii for a day = "uncontrollable porn".
No, YOU must be new here to still consider that funny. Also, notice how much higher your uid is than the original poster's.
Hey, just because YOU don't have a sense of humor doesn't mean that I can't!
"[Regarding the 'cloud,'] ownership was what made America different than Russia." -- Woz
Situation Normal All Fxxxed Up.
It's spelled "fucked", not "fxxxed". Geeze, kids these days can't even swear properly...