Your Car Is Reading Your Email

mjamil writes "The NYT is running an article about yet another case mod for your auto. This one, manufactured by a company called CarBot, lets you check mail wirelessly, and reads it to you, amongst other things. Amusing sidelines: note the /. reference in the images in the article, and check the fully featured CarBot Web site." Update: 09/10 00:29 GMT by H : This guy has also written "Mastering Internet Video: A Guide to Streaming and On-Demand Video".

Comments

Shakespeare?

[AKAImBatman]

On the dashboard-mounted touch screen, a push of the Play button produced a reading of the new e-mail, a test message sent that morning with text from "Macbeth."

"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow," the voice said.

I'm not sure I could take a Shakespeare quoting car! Next thing you know, you'll be hearing:

To be, or not to be!

Whether 'tis nobler in the engine to suffer
The grinding and torture of outrageous driving,
Or to take wheels against a sea of backfires,
And by opposing end them?

To putter out: to run out of gas;
No more; and by running out of gas to say we end
The engine-grinding and the thousand natural shocks
That metal is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To putter out, to run out of gas

Oh great ....

[methangel]

....Kit Car Voice:

Hello Michael, you have mail ...

"Size does matter!"
NATURAL PENIS ENLARGEMENT!

GAIN 3 Inches to your Penis, with VPRX penis pills!

CURE IMPOTENCE! GAIN STAMINA! HARDEN ERECTIONS!
100% GUARANTEED RESULTS!

SPECIAL DEAL TODAY!! ORDER 3 AND GET 3 FREE!!!

That is all the mail you have at this time Michael.

/end Kit voice

Pronunciation

[lukewarmfusion]

V14GR4? All the other 'adult' spam? The Nigerian scam emails?

I'm pretty sure it will sound like Quagmire from The Family Guy.

Re:Pronunciation

[Zorilla]

When I press the "check email" button, I better not hear "Hey, does this look like a 'Q' to you?"

When can I get away?

[remin8]

Alright, when can we disconnect ourselves from the matrix?

Just great.

[DarkHand]

Wonderful. Now my car will be calling me Dave.

'Your wife is looking for you, Dave...
You're 6 miles an hour over the speed limit, Dave'
Open the car door, HAL!

Mail carriers & AOL

[Himring]

This could be a bad thing for the postal system if it makes it into USPS vehicles. Imagine a postal worker who uses AOL, driving around hearing, "you got mail!" all day. Talk about "going postal...."

/.'ed

[tuxter]

Car - would you like me to browse the web? Me - Shut up Car - Opening favourites Me - shut up! Car - Opening link to /. article Me - Noooooo! Car grinds to halt with "404" displaying on dash

Great!!!

[brxndxn]

Now my car is going to tell me that my penis is too small... and to think, I bought my car to compensate!

Oh great ...

[NattyDread]

Now I will have to listen to my car telling me my life needs viagra ...

Damn paperclip

[Zorilla]

Next thing you know, you'll be driving around with your wife and kids in the car (I know, I know, what's a "wife") in broad daylight when suddenly the car blurts out, "Looks like you're trying to drive to the porno shop! Would you like me to provide directions to The Nipple Factory?"

Re:Come on

[Sc00ter]

My understanding is that it reads the email to you. That way you don't have to look at the screen. I don't see how this would be any different then having a conversation with somebody. Porn popups on the other hand...

Auto-Trader Quote

[Prince Vegeta SSJ4]

Car: Would you like to check your email today

Driver: Yes

car begins to read emails

Car: You have one new mail message....message one , from autotrader.com. Mr. Smith, your trade in allowance for your current car has been approved in the amount of $1200 as part of a downpayment on a new Dodge Viper, please .#$@Ewfsdfsdf^C^C^C.

Car: What, how could you, and for $1200

Driver: Let me explain...

Car: Hmmm, seems we are driving on a very high bridge.

[Splashing, and exploding sounds]

That's a hell of a case mod

[magefile]

That'd be like calling a new BMW a "carrying case" for an iPod (with an extra pocket for an optional GPS!). Who wrote the article summary?

Hive mind

[penguinoid]

Yes, I was also going to post something about sitting in your car with your S.O. and just as things start to get hot, your car blurts out "V1@GRA! P3N15 3NHANC3M3NT!!! 3 inches GUARANTEED!!!"

All this worrying about the Micro$oft mind-control ray, but perhaps we should be worried about Slashdot mind-control?

G33K my r1d3!!!11!1

[Jakhel]

I can already smell MTV's next show already in the works. Geek my ride. Old beat up cars that get turned into l33t g33k m0bi1e35!!!1!!11

Xzibit: "So Bob, we took your old 1972 Honda Civic and fixed it up for you, now take a look and tell me what you think"

Bob: "I can't believe it!! It's got the crunk WIFI in the ceiling!! QWERTY keyboards in the headrests!!! Flat screens in the dashboards!!! And oooh shit, is that an Opteron in the trunk?!? It runs linux?!? OMGWTFBBQ!!!
I still won't be able to get a date, but at least now I can play CS while I drive! Thanks Xzibit!!

reading email while driving?

[DrCash]

The thought of a car reading my email (er, spam?) to me while driving is rather frightening. I'm not so sure I really want to have a dry, monotonous, computer voice reading the text of a p0rn spam email to me while driving (heck, I don't think I'd want this even if I wasn't driving!!).

Could be worse....

[raehl]

"Hello Officer!"

"Free Underage Girls!"

"Sir, could you please step out of the car?"

"That was the car talking, I swear!"

Perfect

[JavaRob]

::: whoosh whoosh :::
KIT: Michael, I couldn't help but notice...

Knight: What's that, Kit? Speak up, now -- we've got a busy day ahead of us!

KIT: Well, Michael, you seem to be getting quite a lot of unusual spam lately. Perhaps -- ::: whoosh whoosh :::

KIT: Perhaps you've been spending a little too much of the Foundation's research funding on, well, unorthodox internet research?

Knight: Oh, come on now --

KIT: Let me be completely honest with you, Michael -- I've been doing some research of my own, thanks to the new wireless module you installed last week. First of all, let me say that my infrared sensors inform me that your genitalia is within the parameters of normality for a man of your size, according to recent medical databases. Second, I happened to run across some photos of a stripped-down '79 Thunderbird that... well, raised some questions about the programming of my human emotion emulation chip. I experienced a... startling reaction to the graphical data, Michael. ::: whoosh whoosh :::

Re:Will it read slashdot to you...

[Anonymous Coward]

Computer, reply to the part where it said

"let you dictate your comments to the car for posting here?"

Hi web get, inn response two your quest yon about post --- HOLY SHIT that was close! Now where was eye? Oh yeah, your post about dictating comments from your car, eyed like too say SCREW YOU TOO, PUNK. Wait! Don't print that part. That was to the other driver. *sigh* What I'm trying to say is we all ready have the technology to dictate from our cars. Inn fact, I'm doing it write now. Unfortunately, the system still has a few issues to work out. Are we there yet? No, just a few more minutes. Now shut up and let me finish this reply. Hey, that's no way to talk to my kids, Frank. I know, honey. I just get frustrated when I'm in the car. And all of these gadgets confuse me when I'm driving. Check the map and see if we're ... Red light! STOP!! *screeech* *crunch* [No carrier]

Is that a song?

[mnemotronic]

That title "Your Car Is Reading Your Email" has a vaguely Tom-Waits-ish feel to it, and reminded me of his song "The Piano Has been drinking". (Lyrics at bottom) so I was inspired to cobble together this little diddy:

My Car Is Reading My Email
pm thompson

My car is reading my email,
my washer is off sending spam.
My VCR knows the washer and car,
it's erasing the audit trail.
My iPod is copying DVDs,
and ignoring those digital rights.
My toilet is tanking my bank account
at on-line gambling sites.

My cell phone plays Doom till the sun comes up,
then dials 911.
My blender's a poster of pix of the toaster
doin' the freezer goats.ex.

The heater's been hacked,
(those Russians can't be tracked)
The stove is blue screen
(you know what I mean)
The dryer is stuck
playing Solitare.
It won't get hot.
It won't blow air.

And my wristwatch?
Well, it's downloading porn.

Lyrics from http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tom-waits/138944.html ),

The piano has been drinking, my necktie is asleep
And the combo went back to new york, the jukebox has to take a leak
And the carpet needs a haircut, and the spotlight looks like a prison break
And the telephone's out of cigarettes, and the balcony is on the make
And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...

And the menus are all freezing, and the light man's blind in one eye
And he can't see out of the other
And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid, and he showed up with his mother
And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
As the bouncer is a sumo wrestler cream-puff casper milktoast
And the owner is a mental midget with the i.q. of a fence post
'cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...

And you can't find your waitress with a geiger counter
And she hates you and your friends and you just can't get served without her
And the box-office is drooling, and the bar stools are on fire
And the newspapers were fooling, and the ash-trays have retired
'cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking, not me, not me, not me, not me, not me