Star Wars Minutiae

Class Act Dynamo writes "CNN does a story on some of the finer points of making the Star Wars flicks. I like the part where Mark Hamill discusses the theoretical logistics of employing janitorial staff for the entire Death Star. Enjoy."

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For immediate release: Darth W. press conference

[notany]

+5 resist oppression (in case you haven't gotten this chain mail yet)

CORUSCANT-Presiding over a memorial service commemorating the victims
of the attack on the Death Star, the Emperor declared that while
recent victories over the Rebel Alliance were "encouraging, the War on
Terror is not over yet." "We will continue to fight these terrorists,
and the rogue governments who harbor them, until the universe is safe,
once and for all, and the security of the Neo-New Cosmic Order
ensured."

It was one year ago today that the Death Star, perhaps the
greatest symbol of the Empire's might, was destroyed in an attack by
fanatic Rebels, who used small, single-person crafts to infiltrate
seemingly impenetrable defenses. Thousands of mourners were on hand
to remember and pay tribute to the victims and their families. "We
lost our innocence that day," reflected one mourner. "I guess we
thought we were immune from the kind of violence that happens in other
galaxies. We were wrong." "I lost hundreds of buddies that day," said
one teary-eyed Stormtrooper. "Guys whose only crime was trying make
the Universe a safer place."

Although the day was colored by sadness,
the mourners found some relief in the news of a decisive victory over
the Rebels. In an attack led by Darth Vader, Empire forces were able
to rout hundreds of Rebels from a network of caves underneath the
surface of the planet Hoth. "We're not sure we got them all," says a
Vader spokesman. "There are a lot of places to hide in those
caves. But we've delivered a powerful blow to the terrorist's
infrastructure, that's for sure. Today, the Empire has struck back."

Initial reports are unclear as to the fate of Luke Skywalker, a hero
among the Rebels, who is rumored to have delivered the fatal blow to
the Death Star. Skywalker, a former desert-dweller from the planet
Tattooine, became a part of the Rebellion after family members were
killed. Skywalker was trained by a militant wing of the Rebels, known
as "Jedi Knights." Fanatical in their religious beliefs, the Jedi
Knights claim to derive their power from the mystical "Force." It's
believed that Skywalker was specifically trained by infamous terrorist
O bin Wankanobi.
Wankanobi, occasionally called "Ben" and easily
recognized by his bearded visage and long, flowing robes, achieved
near-martyr status among the Rebels after his death last year during a
spy mission. His more fervent followers believe that Wankanobi lives
on within them today, some even claiming to hear his voice during
times of duress.

The attack on the Death Star came shortly after the
Empire's destruction of Alderstaan, a planet whose government was
known to harbor terrorists. Responding to criticism over the total
annihilation of the planet, Vader stated, "There is no middle ground
in the War on Terror. Those who harbor terrorists are terrorists
themselves. Alderaan was issued ample warning. The fight for
continuing Freedom is often burdened by terrible cost." The cost of
this war can still be seen today in the continuing efforts to build a
coalition government on Tattooine. Longstanding animosities among the
planets various ethnic groups, including the Jawas, Tusken Raiders and
scattered human settlers, have been an impediment to the peace
process. The Empire continues to maintain a small peace keeping force
until a provisional government is finally in place.

Much of the
difficulty in fighting the Rebel forces stems from their lack of a
central organizing structure. "They don't play by the traditional
rules of war," complained one spokesman. "They come in all shapes and
sizes, united only by their single-minded desire to destroy the Empire
before it destroys them." The Emperor closed his comments today by
stating that "the cowardly attack n the Death Star left a deep scar on
the Empire. However, we will not stop fighting until every last
evildoer has been brought to justice." He paused for several moments,
wiping away a tear and then added with determination, "We will never
forget." "I wish we could"

Re:The logistics of building the Death Star

[Mr. Slippery]

You might want to mention, you know, in passing, maybe in parentheses, that what makes a terrorist a terrorist is the fact that he deliberately murders innocent people by blowing them to bits for absolutely no reason

Those we label "terrorists" certainly have reasons and goals, usually of political change. And thousands of innocent Iraqi people have been killed for the American reasons and goals of political change, far more Americans than have been killed by Iraqis resistance fighters/terrorists.

Is having your head sawed off by an Iraqi "terrorist" a worse way to go than being crushed in a building brought down by an American airstrike? Fucked if I know, and I wish no one ever had to face either possibility.