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Google Reports Increased Profits
typobox43 writes "According to Yahoo! News, Google has reported increased profits compared to the year-ago numbers in its first quarterly earnings report as a publicly held company. Google's revenue figures more than doubled, leaping to $805.9 million from $393.9 million. Google shares closed today at $149.38."
In late breaing news Google announces that it's Google Desktop Search tool not only provides outstanding local file search capabilities, but also relieves the burden on consumers of questioning whether all of your digital media is properly licensed. Google's search tool quickly identifies all digital media on your local machine and validates this data against a secure registry maintained by the RIAA/MPAA. If any unlicensed media is found Google Desktop Search will automatically protect consumers from legal action and financial liability by searching through Microsoft Money and Intuit Quicken files for a valid bank account. Electronic requests are sent to the consumers bank and funds are automatically transferred to the RIAA and MPAA to ensure the files are correctly licensed. Google only charges a $1 service charge per piece of media, a small price to pay for peace of mind.
An RIAA spokesperson noted that in some cases media is double or triple licensed using this system. She went on to explain that "the issue is being looked into", but in the interim to ensure that everyone is treated fairly an easy to use refund* system has been put into place. All that is required is that you send your name, address, social security number, daytime and evening phone numbers, bank account number, a sample of your hair, and a self addressed stamped envelope to
Quick-E Payment Processing
27/28, Phase II
Udyog Viharl
Gugoan - 122016
India
Please only send communicaiton if you have downloaded and installed the RIAA/MPAA enhanced version of Google Desktop Search, included the piece of your hair and the self addressed stamped envelop (with enough postage for the return trip from India) and have verifiable proof that the digital media you were charged for is properly licensed.
Please expect 6-8 months before recieving a response. All requests for the status of an inquiry should use the method listed above.
* - The term "refund" specifically means a credit will be provided equal to the amount that was charged for already licsensed media. This credit may be applied to any purchase of media from the American Top 40 charts or movies on VHS that made less than $15 million at the box office. Purchases must be made within 60 days of the issuance of the credit. The credit is only redeemable at Sam Goody locations in Kansas and Wyoming. The credit is non-transferrable. Internet purchases are prohibited. A valid RFID enabled passport will be required for authentication.