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USAF Studies Teleportation
ArchAngel21x writes "Star Trek fans may be happy to hear that the Air Force has paid to study psychic teleportation.
But scientists aren't so thrilled. The Air Force Research Lab's August 'Teleportation Physics Report', posted earlier this week on the Federation of American Scientists (FAS) Web site, struck a raw nerve with physicists and critics of wasteful military spending."
If someone gave me money to study "psychic teleportation", I'd be like "Thank you, Allah!" and immediately begin researching liquor and hookers.
"Guys, you're not gonna believe this! Last night, I as at this strip club, I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I was face down in the gutter a few blocks away!"
[o]_O
This is just the cover story. The money is really being funneled into the Stargate program.
Maj. Ed Dames' astral body may come kick you in the nuts.
Phychic powers have been studied for centuries. No one has made any convincing argument or presented any substantial evidence in this area.
I have also called Cleo and she said she sees the project failing.
-Derick
Which is why about half the aliens they encounter are telepathic, psychic, equipped with ESP, able to transition into pure energy, or have telekinetic powers. And that was before the bloody Pah-wraiths which turned the end of Deep Space Nine into something resembling Buffy the Vampire Slayer...
Real Daleks don't climb stairs - they level the building.
Or it could be they want us to think it is a hoax project because they are tantalizingly close to actually teleportation. It has been my experience that they only use these double-double-cover-ups when the project has some serious voodoo. But then again I could be wrong.
Nonono. We need to keep giving the military more money. They always put it to good uses. They'd never, say, misplace 1 trillion dollars. More money for the military is the solution to everything.
:)
Even sarcasm.
"Now we're getting to Science -- I love this!" -- Dr. Steven Chu, Energy Secretary confirmation hearings.
8 million that MIGHT have a radical payoff is a bargain.
Psychic Research is probably about the only way they're ever going to find Bin Laden anyway.
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
In the report, author Eric Davis says psychic teleportation, moving yourself from location to location through mind powers, is "quite real and can be controlled."
Yeah. It's called 'walking.' Or am I looking at it totally wrong?
Hope be with ye,
Cyan
You mean, besides announcing that God speaks through him?
"They redundantly repeated themselves over and over again incessantly without end ad infinitum" -- ibid.
It looks like Warp Drive Metrics has succeeded in teleporting $25,000 into their bank account from the taxpayers wallets; we shall see if future expirements are as successful.
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
I don't get it, if they manage to discover how teleportation works, they will lose their jobs, as G. W. B. wont need airplanes anymore to bomb whoever he wants...
Eighty-three percent of American adults believe in the Virgin birth of Jesus Christ
I resent the fact that you imply my beliefs are backwards and illogical. I think it makes perfect sense to believe that Jesus Christ was a virgin when he was born.
STOP MOCKING ME!
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
Krusty: So he's proactive, huh?
Lady: Oh, God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.
Writer: Excuse me, but 'proactive' and 'paradigm'? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that.
Myers: Oh, yes! - The rest of you writers start thinking up a name for this funky dog; I dunno, something along the line of say... Poochie, only more proactive.
Yes, hello. Catholic church? I need a priest who can exorcise Marketing Speak from a poor slashdotter.
Yes, I'll hold.
- Zav - Imagine a Beowulf cluster of insensitive clods...
As a successful businessman who has handled many ticklish employee issues, let me explain how you should actually deal with this.
First, you fire them using the normal politically correct "here are your final paychecks, and the Human Resources department's collective foot in your collective asses" procedure.
But you inform them that if they can teleport back in, they can have their jobs back.
I've fallen off your lawn, and I can't get up.
Flies have a 3-stage pipelined visual system that operates a 400 Hz (compared to human's 60 Hz system). They see the swatter and react more quickly than the human eye.
Why do Americans always assume the rest of the world goes by their standards?
The human visual system, as we Europeans all know very well, runs on 50 Hz here. But this is more than well compensated for by our higher count of rods and staffs.