Humans in America 25,000 Years Ago?

Ephboy writes "A researcher in South Carolina has found stones that appear to be man-made stone tools that date from 25,000 years ago, about twice as old as the best documented evidence of human settlement in North America."

Comments

Where have they gone?

[Hot Summer Nights]

Why is there no intelligent life in America today?

I've been there....

[Anonymous Coward]

Ahh yes, South Carolina. I remember it well. That's where I buried all those stone tools I bought at the open-air market in Lambeth.

Used for voting

[plierhead]

Those are neolithic tools that were used for voting. Early Americans used them to punch out the chads on the stone tablets used in elections to select their leaders. Of course things have moved on somewhat since then...

Re:Used for voting

[Lurker McLurker]

Stone tablets were often used in voting in ancient times. It's not generally known that the Ten Commandments were actually a voting slip, nad the Israelites were only supposed to pick one, not keep the lot.

Re:Used for voting

[pchan-]

these early south-carolinians, homo-courouge as they were dubbed by researchers, exhibit some peculiar behaviour not found in other native tribes. several skulls have been found that seem to have an imprint of a cylinder which was crushed on their foreheads. archeologists have also found early versions of spear-racks, presumably for mules or horses, large rusty ornamental iron works (perhaps religious icons) which were stored on blocks in front of their dwellings, as well as cave painting of an early strom thurmand election poster. we may never know how they lived, but their remains leave us with fascinating clues into the ways of a civilization now gone forever.

Old joke

[SuneSpeg]

Old joke, the ./ way:

German scientists dug 50 meters down and discovered small pieces of copper.
After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 15,000 years ago had DSL.

Naturally, the Russian government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper.
100 meters down they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Russians 20,000 years ago already had a nation-wide fiber net.

American scientists were outraged by this. They dug 200 meters down & found absolutely nothing.
They happily concluded that the ancient Americans 25,000 years ago had wireless network.

Man did *not* descend from apes.

[Anonymous Coward]

Why must I be forced to send my children to schools where the teachers insist that we are descended from apes?

The very idea is utterly ridiculous. A cursory glance at ape anatomy shows that it is impossible for man to have 'evolved' from one. It is just a rubbish idea. Everyone with any education at all knows that man actually comes from australopithecus.

Creationism

[Anonymous Coward]

This only goes to further the proof of Creationism!

Clearly this "evidence" of humans in America 25,000 years ago was only created when the world was created 6,000 years ago. QED.

Uh-oh

[SbooX]

Anyone else suspicious about anything regarding evolution that comes out of South Carolina?

Mormon twist?

[RyuuzakiTetsuya]

I know it's obviously going to modded down as flame bait, but my first response to this was, "What's the mormon response going to be?"

Being here THOUSANDS of years before they claim the nephites showed up, that's gotta hurt the ol' church.

Re:Mormon twist?

[Anders Andersson]

I can however assure you that they are NOT correct, as I know that the giant creator-wombat created the world out of a can of spam and some duct tape, with people, rocks, birds, the thoughts in your head, absolutely everything intact only 5 minutes ago. Go on, try to disprove it.

Well, in fact the world won't be created until next year, and what we experience here is a mere computer simulation of ourselves and our future "past" as we are about to enter "recorded" history in preparation for that major event. The Editors are being extremely careful not to reveal Themselves to their creation this time, so much that they won't even touch explicit references to Them that have come about by means of the simulation.

Warning Label

[harriet nyborg]

This article contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered....

$5 says they found...

[leroybrown]

Strom Thurmond

Re:Not only funny but accurate

[operagost]

Even though male gorillas outweigh the average man by over 200 pounds, we have bigger weiners. Now THAT'S an advancement.

Re:Uh huh

[pipingguy]

So people came to South Carolina 25,000 years ago and left no traces on the rest of the continent for 12,000 years? Yeah right. Off the top of my head, here are several more likely explanations:

[I didn't write this, it is an email classic]

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078


Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:

# 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.

# 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

# 3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

# A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.

# B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities