Slashdot Mirror
Massive Layoffs At AOL
JLavezzo writes "Several news sites are reporting that the United States' largest ISP has laid off 750 employees. My sources at AOL put the actual number at approximately 950 regular employees and 300 contractors from various departments including new technology and marketing. The contractors aren't mentioned by the news outlets. Severance packages are known to include up to four months pay and keeping laid off employees on the AOL payroll through February (to retain health insurance). With most of the layoffs coming from the Northern Virginia offices, what are their hopes for finding new jobs?"
Bah, you kids. Back in my day (2000), we didn't feel right about going to lunch unless we'd shitcanned at least 1000 people by then. And two months on the payroll plus four months of severence? Bah! Back in my day you were lucky if you didn't have any personal possessions in the building when it was locked and the contents auctioned off on behalf of angry creditors.
We *knew* how to make employees feel worthless. Layoffs via SMS! Contracted goons standing in the office in case they went postal! Taking away their razor scooters!
Now get off my lawn, you damn kids.
Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
"You've Got Severance!"
Come on... my employer cuts thousands...
Besides, hasn't anybody of worth left already?
500GB of disk, 5TB of transfer, $5.95/mo
if they'd only spent less on all those darn cds...
You got ... DOLE!
Jonathanjk.com
...Slashdot Headlines Consistently Sensationalize Everything!!!
Anyone have the over/under on the time it takes someone to edit the new AOL commercials with the swarms of customers asking for change into swarms of fired employees burning the place down?
I think even McDonalds would think twice about hiring them:
Manager: "So do you have any customer service experience?"
AOL Scab: "Well, I worked tech support at AOL for 2 years."
Manager: "We only hire people who will fuck up small stuff. We can't handle AOL sized crap here"
...The severance package was particularly generous, as it include two AOL trial CDs, with a combined total of 2048 free hours.
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
See, that's why I've been honing my aggresive driving, sword-fighting and other misc. pizza-delivery skills: Jobs that can be done overseas will be done overseas.
Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
In related news, the USPS today announced 1,250 redundancies after a recent analysis suggested a 90% reduction in 2005 postal volume from the Northern Virginia area.
When you use bold for your whole post, it kind of defeats the purpose. I'd accuse you of being an AOLer yourself, but you have only minimal post formatting problems, no misspellings and you didn't post in all caps.
Severance packages are known to include up to four months of FREE AOL SERVICE!
Woo hoo!
"The economy is doing VERY well."
Have you been watching Fox News again?
All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
American On (the Unemployment) Line
--
make install -not war
Intriguing.
what are their hopes for finding new jobs?
I recommend they print up millions of copies of their resumes and mail them out to everyone in the United States. If they play their cards right, they should be able to get computer manufacturers to place an icon for their resume on the desktop of every computer sold. They should also cut deals with publishers to include their resumes bundled with mainstream consumer magazines. They should print their resumes on non-biodegradable media so that someone will start a website called "NoMoreAOLResumes".
Appropriate plug for above reference.
$5 / month hosted VPS on linux = awesome!
Burger King Grunt: We've got a bunch of new applications from some former AOL employees.
Burger King Manager: Which ones?
Burger King Grunt: [pointing out window] All of them!
Don't bother. They require extensive drug tests.
I don't respond to AC's.
The poster was very kind to refer to it as FC...
"There are plenty of things YOU could've done to avoid finding yourself in such a dire situation. YOU could've saved up some money or not gotten such an expensive mortgage. If you're driving yourself at your financial red-line and praying nothing goes wrong, that's a pretty big risk you're taking, bucko. Regardless of how you rationalize it."
(Sarcasm)
But it was America's duty to do their share after 9/11 and shop! To not consume was to be un-american!
What we have is short-sightedness.
Southeastern Virginia REPRESENT!
In Capitalist America, crappy ISP drops YOU!
What's that in the Imperial System again? I always screw up these conversions
...divide by 1.6 then carry the one...
Let's play video games with mailmanZERO